On this cold winter morning at year’s end, I was thinking about mustering up some new resolutions to guide my performance as a cancer patient in 2013. But my past performance in abiding by such resolutions has been rather tawdry. (See http://hotelmelanoma.blogspot.com/2011/12/resolutionary-breakthroughs-year-end.html and http://hotelmelanoma.blogspot.com/2011/04/melanoma-dreamin.html.) So I’ve decided instead to kick that can down the road and, maybe, deal with my issues “later”. Congress does it, repeatedly, so why shouldn’t I?
In 2013 I’ll be taking a cue from my elderly golden retriever and taking life at the Hotel Melanoma one brand new day at a time. Wishing you a very happy and healthy New Year, I’ll sign off for 2012 with a new rendition of Van Morrison’s “Brand New Day”…
When all the dark clouds roll away
And the sun begins to shine
I see my freedom from across the way
And it comes right in on time
Well it shines so bright and it gives so much fright
And it comes from the sky above
Makes me feel mole free makes me feel like me
And lights my life with drugs
And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like yes it feels like
A brand new day, yeah
A brand new day oh
I got lost and double crossed
With my tans behind my back
I was longtime hurt and thrown in the dirt
Shoved out on the pale road track
I've been used, abused and so infused
And I had nowhere to run
But I stood and looked
And my eyes got hooked
On that beautiful morning sun
And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like yes it feels like
A brand new day, yeah
A brand new day oh
And the sun shines down all on the ground
Yeah and this lass is oh so ‘screened
And my heart is filled and I've got the will
And I don't really feel so green
Here it comes, here it comes
0h here it comes right now
And it comes right in on time
Well it pleases me and it teases me
And it satisfies my mind
Friday, December 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Happy Christmas
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of John Lennon’s “Happy Christmas”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN4Uu0OlmTg
So this is Christmas
And not have you sunned
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
No moles on your tongue
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
And so this is Christmas
For warriors so strong
The sick and the IV ones
The road is so long
So happy Christmas
For Black Cancer fight
For healthy and NED ones
Let's stop all C fright
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without UV fear
And so this is Christmas
And not have we sunned
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so Happy Christmas
And we hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
Grow old and stay young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
War ain’t over, ‘til we’ve won it
War ain’t over now
Merry Christmas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN4Uu0OlmTg
So this is Christmas
And not have you sunned
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
No moles on your tongue
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
And so this is Christmas
For warriors so strong
The sick and the IV ones
The road is so long
So happy Christmas
For Black Cancer fight
For healthy and NED ones
Let's stop all C fright
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without UV fear
And so this is Christmas
And not have we sunned
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so Happy Christmas
And we hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
Grow old and stay young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
War ain’t over, ‘til we’ve won it
War ain’t over now
Merry Christmas
Monday, December 24, 2012
Let's Show Pale White Glow For The Holidays
For all of you taking a holiday leave from the Hotel Melanoma to head for the ski slopes or someplace warm and sunny, here’s my take on Perry Como’s “Home For The Holidays”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHDgzQ6eQw4
Oh! There’s no bakin’ moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how scarred today you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine and some ‘friendly’ rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
I met a man who lives to fricassee, he was heading for,
Yervoy mania and some mole mate facebook likes!
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! There’s no grace for moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how pale today your tone,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an aeroplane,
Put the wife an’ kiddies in the family car!
For the pleasure of your skin when you fake that skin bronze thing,
No ‘screen should be sub par!
I met a man who lives to bake by sea, he was headin’ for,
Surgeon mania and a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!
(a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!)
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! Let’s show pale white glow for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHDgzQ6eQw4
Oh! There’s no bakin’ moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how scarred today you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine and some ‘friendly’ rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
I met a man who lives to fricassee, he was heading for,
Yervoy mania and some mole mate facebook likes!
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! There’s no grace for moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how pale today your tone,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an aeroplane,
Put the wife an’ kiddies in the family car!
For the pleasure of your skin when you fake that skin bronze thing,
No ‘screen should be sub par!
I met a man who lives to bake by sea, he was headin’ for,
Surgeon mania and a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!
(a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!)
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! Let’s show pale white glow for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Death By A Thousand Cuts
I’m often a little puzzled by the search keywords that lead unsuspecting ‘net surfers to my blog. For example, one of today’s hits came from the search “freckles dermatologist”. I’ve really no idea what this searcher was looking for, but please allow me to attempt to respond from my own somewhat warped perspective.
As a boomer guy of Celtic descent who has spent too much unprotected time outdoors, my sun-weathered carcass displays a plethora of freckles, dark spots, moles, wrinkles etc. Quite a few of my spots are a bit suspicious/abnormal in appearance. With a history of Stage IIIc melanoma treated by surgery and adjuvant biochemotherapy (NED since 2003!), I think that if I were to get into the hands of an overzealous dermatologist, who’s perhaps a bit too interested in making more money by doing more billable procedures, I’d be suffering a slow death by multiple biopsies and stressful waiting for pathology reports.
So my choice has been to be watched, both externally and internally, by a melanoma oncologist in the “Cutaneous Oncology” department of my favorite university hospital cancer center. Frankly, we’ve both been a whole lot more concerned since 2003 about an internal recurrence than a new primary melanoma tumor. But if he were to be concerned about any of my ubiquitous spots, he wouldn’t hesitate to send me down the hall to the Dermatology department for a second opinion. (He’s told me more than once, “I’m not a dermatologist, I just play one on TV”.) The plan going forward is to see one of his dermatology colleagues in between my regular oncology checkups that can now be an annual event. And I certainly pay close attention to any spot that might be new or changing.
As near as I can tell, there’s no single “right way” or “standard protocol” for exactly how someone like me ought be watched for an external melanoma recurrence and who ought to be doing it. Like so many things melanoma, it’s a judgment call. “One stop shopping” at my university hospital cancer center is just the right choice for me. So do what’s right for you, with docs with expertise in melanoma diagnosis (and other cutaneous cancers) and in whom you have trust and confidence.
I’ll sign off with one more for the Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album, to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” from Harry Connick, Jr.…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n1UuDFfeGA
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Everywhere I’ve moles
Take a look at my hide and then, check it all once again
With path lab stains and silver lights aglow.
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Docs on every floor
But the prettiest sight to see is the jolly that will be
On my path reports.
Some hair of new growin’ roots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Docs that will talk and will go cancer block
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for trials to start for them.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
As a boomer guy of Celtic descent who has spent too much unprotected time outdoors, my sun-weathered carcass displays a plethora of freckles, dark spots, moles, wrinkles etc. Quite a few of my spots are a bit suspicious/abnormal in appearance. With a history of Stage IIIc melanoma treated by surgery and adjuvant biochemotherapy (NED since 2003!), I think that if I were to get into the hands of an overzealous dermatologist, who’s perhaps a bit too interested in making more money by doing more billable procedures, I’d be suffering a slow death by multiple biopsies and stressful waiting for pathology reports.
So my choice has been to be watched, both externally and internally, by a melanoma oncologist in the “Cutaneous Oncology” department of my favorite university hospital cancer center. Frankly, we’ve both been a whole lot more concerned since 2003 about an internal recurrence than a new primary melanoma tumor. But if he were to be concerned about any of my ubiquitous spots, he wouldn’t hesitate to send me down the hall to the Dermatology department for a second opinion. (He’s told me more than once, “I’m not a dermatologist, I just play one on TV”.) The plan going forward is to see one of his dermatology colleagues in between my regular oncology checkups that can now be an annual event. And I certainly pay close attention to any spot that might be new or changing.
As near as I can tell, there’s no single “right way” or “standard protocol” for exactly how someone like me ought be watched for an external melanoma recurrence and who ought to be doing it. Like so many things melanoma, it’s a judgment call. “One stop shopping” at my university hospital cancer center is just the right choice for me. So do what’s right for you, with docs with expertise in melanoma diagnosis (and other cutaneous cancers) and in whom you have trust and confidence.
I’ll sign off with one more for the Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album, to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” from Harry Connick, Jr.…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n1UuDFfeGA
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Everywhere I’ve moles
Take a look at my hide and then, check it all once again
With path lab stains and silver lights aglow.
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Docs on every floor
But the prettiest sight to see is the jolly that will be
On my path reports.
Some hair of new growin’ roots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Docs that will talk and will go cancer block
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for trials to start for them.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Blue Christmas
Here’s one for all of you in the Paler Nation who are still missing the old days of fun in the sun without wearing a SPF hazmat suit and copious amounts of SPF 2K sunscreen. To the tune of Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas”…
I’ll have a blue Christmas without U
I’ll be so blue just thinking about U
Med libations of dread on a twin IV tree
Won’t be a sane year, when oncs are near to me
And when those U glow days start mauling
That's when those U memories start calling
I’ll be ‘screenin’ all hide, with my skin tone of white
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas
I’ll be hidin’ in fright, with my skin tone of white,
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue blue Christmas
I’ll have a blue Christmas without U
I’ll be so blue just thinking about U
Med libations of dread on a twin IV tree
Won’t be a sane year, when oncs are near to me
And when those U glow days start mauling
That's when those U memories start calling
I’ll be ‘screenin’ all hide, with my skin tone of white
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas
I’ll be hidin’ in fright, with my skin tone of white,
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue blue Christmas
Monday, December 17, 2012
Merry Christmas, Baby
My recent adventure with a couple of biopsies involved a cast of mostly young and female licensed health care professionals. Which is just fine with me because they all treat me so nice, kind of like I’m their ornery old uncle. I’ve apparently reached the “cute old man” phase of life and, at least as a patient, I’m willing to work with it.
For all of you nice young ladies who did a lot of needling, cutting and stitching on my unattractive old carcass this holiday season, and with special thanks to the young Mohs surgeon who complimented me for being fit and having very little body fat where she was working, here’s a wish for a very Merry Christmas to the tune of “Merry Christmas, Baby” from Rod Stewart & Cee Lo Green…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUJ1vot3CA8
Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure did needle splice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I'm a frozen slice, alright
Well I'm feelin' mighty fine, y’all
I got new stitch from my ray days old
Said I'm feelin' mighty nice y’all
I’ve got new stitch from my ray days old
I feel I'm gonna miss ya
Standing beneath the spot light glow, that spot light glow
Doctuh looked ‘round for skin C
Biopsied, y’all
And she left all them good stitches
For biopsy
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did stitch me nice
You brought me all these new dents
Now I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Well, Doctuh poked ‘round for skin C
About half past four
Left all these new dents in me
Flyin’ out the door
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I’ve new lease on life
Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
I said Merry, Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
You brought me no Black C splotch for Christmas
And I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
Merry Christmas, ladies!
For all of you nice young ladies who did a lot of needling, cutting and stitching on my unattractive old carcass this holiday season, and with special thanks to the young Mohs surgeon who complimented me for being fit and having very little body fat where she was working, here’s a wish for a very Merry Christmas to the tune of “Merry Christmas, Baby” from Rod Stewart & Cee Lo Green…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUJ1vot3CA8
Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure did needle splice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I'm a frozen slice, alright
Well I'm feelin' mighty fine, y’all
I got new stitch from my ray days old
Said I'm feelin' mighty nice y’all
I’ve got new stitch from my ray days old
I feel I'm gonna miss ya
Standing beneath the spot light glow, that spot light glow
Doctuh looked ‘round for skin C
Biopsied, y’all
And she left all them good stitches
For biopsy
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did stitch me nice
You brought me all these new dents
Now I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Well, Doctuh poked ‘round for skin C
About half past four
Left all these new dents in me
Flyin’ out the door
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I’ve new lease on life
Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
I said Merry, Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
You brought me no Black C splotch for Christmas
And I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
Merry Christmas, ladies!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
You Really Got A Hold On Me
Paranoid hypochondria, a condition so well known to so many of us at the Hotel Melanoma, strikes again. On Thanksgiving Day I felt a painful lump, which couldn’t have been a lump of undigested turkey fat since I hadn’t yet had dinner that day. Said discovery sent me to my primary care doc the following Monday, who quickly referred me to my favorite oncologist, Dr. Death. Which led to a tag team fine needle aspiration by three pathologists at my cancer center’s breast cancer clinic. (Hey, it’s a teaching hospital and I provided an opportunity for practice.) The preliminary results of that were flaky enough to prompt a recommendation for an excisional biopsy; if in doubt, cut it out. ‘Fast forward’ thirteen days, and a “no worries” pathology report arrived—it’s not melanoma, it was an inflamed lump of fat tissue. My guess is that it probably originated from a slight injury from one of my spastic golf swings. Of course all of this took three weeks to play out, during which time I just couldn’t resist psyching myself up to receive a Stage IV diagnosis and planning my assault on the Black Beast.
Will I ever be able to train my brain to just deal with the facts, as and when they become known, instead of driving myself bat guano crazy worrying about the known unknowns? Probably not, because this is the Hotel Melanoma. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
To the tune of “You Really Got A Hold On Me” from The Beatles…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QT6GqfGgko
I don't like you
But I loved U
Seems that I'm always
Thinkin' of you
Oh, ho, ho, you treat me badly
I sunned too madly
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I don't want you
’Cuz I need through
Sure wanna miss you
But can’t seem to
Oh, ho, ho You do me wrong now
My ‘screen is strong now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Tighter
Tighter
I wanna leave you
Don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Oh ho ho, I wanna split now
I just can't quit now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me (seize)
Hold me (squeeze)
Hold me
Hold me
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Will I ever be able to train my brain to just deal with the facts, as and when they become known, instead of driving myself bat guano crazy worrying about the known unknowns? Probably not, because this is the Hotel Melanoma. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
To the tune of “You Really Got A Hold On Me” from The Beatles…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QT6GqfGgko
I don't like you
But I loved U
Seems that I'm always
Thinkin' of you
Oh, ho, ho, you treat me badly
I sunned too madly
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I don't want you
’Cuz I need through
Sure wanna miss you
But can’t seem to
Oh, ho, ho You do me wrong now
My ‘screen is strong now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Tighter
Tighter
I wanna leave you
Don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Oh ho ho, I wanna split now
I just can't quit now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me (seize)
Hold me (squeeze)
Hold me
Hold me
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Maybe It's Moles Gone Wild
For all of you at the Hotel Melanoma who are waiting anxiously for pathology reports or scan results during this holiday season, and maybe have sort of a “duet” going on in your head right now, here’s one to the tune of Norah Jones’ & Willie Nelson’s rendition of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_-XMZjWGF4
They really can't say – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I've got to go a-pray – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - Been hoping that news drops in
So very ‘nice’ - on hold for scans, they're old as ice
My mother will start to worry - warrior, what's your hurry
My doctor has me pacing the floor - Listen to blood pressure roar
So really they’d better scurry - warrior, please don't worry
Well maybe just one drink more - Put some records on while I pour
This drives me to drink - Maybe it's bad down there
Say, what's one to think - hope labs won’t be bad new scare
I wish I knew how - Your fries are hide scar fright now
To break this spell – I’ll beat those stats, Yervoy works swell
I got to lay low, low, lower - Mind could you move a little slower
At least I'm gonna say that I tried – What was the sense in burning my hide
They really can't say – Black C don't hold out
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I simply can’t glow – maybe it’s moles gone wild
The answer’s so slow - Ooh maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - I'm lucky that new drugs win
So twice the norm -- Took out from skin glow at tan store
Biopsy will be new stitches - Gosh, your slides look so suspicious
My doctor will just stare at the door – days are gone as clinical bore
My barium drink’s delicious - Gosh this ‘skin C’s’ capricious
Well maybe just a half a drink more – Cancer doc’s a wizard of lore
I've got to so know - Oh, maybe, you’ll heed my prayers
Say, docs in white coats – live up to your fees in air
Wait’s really been grand - Your slides are my scarred hide now
Just hear my plea - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be call tomorrow – making my worries hollow
At least there will be Yervoy to try - If you get your CIGNA plan ride
They really can't say – just open that cold stout
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_-XMZjWGF4
They really can't say – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I've got to go a-pray – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - Been hoping that news drops in
So very ‘nice’ - on hold for scans, they're old as ice
My mother will start to worry - warrior, what's your hurry
My doctor has me pacing the floor - Listen to blood pressure roar
So really they’d better scurry - warrior, please don't worry
Well maybe just one drink more - Put some records on while I pour
This drives me to drink - Maybe it's bad down there
Say, what's one to think - hope labs won’t be bad new scare
I wish I knew how - Your fries are hide scar fright now
To break this spell – I’ll beat those stats, Yervoy works swell
I got to lay low, low, lower - Mind could you move a little slower
At least I'm gonna say that I tried – What was the sense in burning my hide
They really can't say – Black C don't hold out
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I simply can’t glow – maybe it’s moles gone wild
The answer’s so slow - Ooh maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - I'm lucky that new drugs win
So twice the norm -- Took out from skin glow at tan store
Biopsy will be new stitches - Gosh, your slides look so suspicious
My doctor will just stare at the door – days are gone as clinical bore
My barium drink’s delicious - Gosh this ‘skin C’s’ capricious
Well maybe just a half a drink more – Cancer doc’s a wizard of lore
I've got to so know - Oh, maybe, you’ll heed my prayers
Say, docs in white coats – live up to your fees in air
Wait’s really been grand - Your slides are my scarred hide now
Just hear my plea - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be call tomorrow – making my worries hollow
At least there will be Yervoy to try - If you get your CIGNA plan ride
They really can't say – just open that cold stout
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Rod Stewart, Live At The Hotel Melanoma
To the tune of Rod Stewart’s new rendition of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAdmdunWvsA
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
C doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I met new friends AIM walking;
Our sights are on striking blow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Sun liars are selling dying,
And, my dear, you’re still a-buying,
But as long as you love C so.
Check your moles, check your moles, check your moles.
Make it so
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, so, so, make it so, make it so.
Maybe it's moles gone wild
Make it no, make it no, make it no, make it no
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAdmdunWvsA
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
C doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I met new friends AIM walking;
Our sights are on striking blow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Sun liars are selling dying,
And, my dear, you’re still a-buying,
But as long as you love C so.
Check your moles, check your moles, check your moles.
Make it so
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, so, so, make it so, make it so.
Maybe it's moles gone wild
Make it no, make it no, make it no, make it no
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Walking In A Clinic Wonderland
For all of you who are spending a bit too much ‘quality time’ this holiday season in your favorite “just skin cancer” clinic, the Hotel Melanoma take on Rod Stewart’s new rendition of “Winter Wonderland”…
Ray spells bring, our new skin thing,
In the stains, cells are glistening
A beautiful fright,
It’s Black C to fight,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Gone away is the U word,
Here to stay is the flu bird
C brings drugs along,
How’d we go so wrong,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In the clinic we can thrill our mole man,
And pretend that C has lost the round
He'll say: “Are you worried?”
We'll say: “No man,
But U can do a job
When we’re too brown”.
Later on, we'll perspire,
As we scheme like a liar
To face unafraid,
The scans that they've made,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In sun red glow we can kill our moles, man,
And pretend Skin C’s a harmless clown
We'll have lots of fun with blister show, man,
Until the sun we did knocks us down.
When scans glow, ain't it chilling,
Through your nose pay the billing
We'll colic and pray, through the chemo day,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Walking in a clinic wonderland,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Ray spells bring, our new skin thing,
In the stains, cells are glistening
A beautiful fright,
It’s Black C to fight,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Gone away is the U word,
Here to stay is the flu bird
C brings drugs along,
How’d we go so wrong,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In the clinic we can thrill our mole man,
And pretend that C has lost the round
He'll say: “Are you worried?”
We'll say: “No man,
But U can do a job
When we’re too brown”.
Later on, we'll perspire,
As we scheme like a liar
To face unafraid,
The scans that they've made,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In sun red glow we can kill our moles, man,
And pretend Skin C’s a harmless clown
We'll have lots of fun with blister show, man,
Until the sun we did knocks us down.
When scans glow, ain't it chilling,
Through your nose pay the billing
We'll colic and pray, through the chemo day,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Walking in a clinic wonderland,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
If Santa Lived At The Hotel Melanoma
Just a little lyrical nonsense, to the tune of Jimmy Buffett’s “Ho Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0LtovZ2jo
Santa's stressed out as the derma blade season draws near
He's been checking the same spots now going on two thousand years
He's got pains in his brain and skin C scars cover his buns
He hates to admit it, but this mass is all work no fun
He needs a vacation from Black Cancer Nation, you know
Mr. Claus has escape plans, a secret that only he knows
Beaches and palm trees appear night and day in his dreams
A break from this life, his half frozen hide
The oncs and that damn clinic team
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
He thinks about boat drinks and sunnin’ till done
Ho Ho Ho it’s more trouble in sun
That radiation and blast dermabrasions aren't good
He wants to go back to simple days, laid out when could
Just for the weekend he'd like to be Mister Tan
Get out of his long johns and dance with a Bud in the sand
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho and some MRI fun
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho hand him bottle of rum
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
A week in the tropics and he'll be all fright
Sporting no tan ‘cuz his hide’s out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night
He’ll be back in a week
Don’t worry kids
We all need a break
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0LtovZ2jo
Santa's stressed out as the derma blade season draws near
He's been checking the same spots now going on two thousand years
He's got pains in his brain and skin C scars cover his buns
He hates to admit it, but this mass is all work no fun
He needs a vacation from Black Cancer Nation, you know
Mr. Claus has escape plans, a secret that only he knows
Beaches and palm trees appear night and day in his dreams
A break from this life, his half frozen hide
The oncs and that damn clinic team
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
He thinks about boat drinks and sunnin’ till done
Ho Ho Ho it’s more trouble in sun
That radiation and blast dermabrasions aren't good
He wants to go back to simple days, laid out when could
Just for the weekend he'd like to be Mister Tan
Get out of his long johns and dance with a Bud in the sand
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho and some MRI fun
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho hand him bottle of rum
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
A week in the tropics and he'll be all fright
Sporting no tan ‘cuz his hide’s out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night
He’ll be back in a week
Don’t worry kids
We all need a break
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
The sad truth is that for way too many inmates at the Hotel Melanoma, it’s not. Some are in the midst of harsh chemotherapy or radiation treatments that will, to say the least, put a damper on their holiday festivities. Others are playing the nerve-wracking game of waiting as patiently as possible for scan results, pathology reports, or a health insurer’s verdict on pre-approving an expensive course of treatment. And for too many, “the Holidays” this year are a time of coming to grips with their own impending mortality or caring for a loved one who’s run out of treatment options and is now under hospice care.
But while it may not be the most wonderful time of the year for some of us, it’s nevertheless a time when the selfless best in the human spirit seems to shine the brightest. It’s the season of giving at the Hotel Melanoma, not of material bling, but rather of our selves and our love, our compassion, our support and our prayers. For others. And isn’t that just a bit wonderful?
So today I’ll take another shot at giving you a smile when you may not have much to smile about. To the tune of Andy Williams’ “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
It’s the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
With cell phone jingle belling
And hoping doc’s telling you "CT’s are clear"
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
With those bill co-pay greetings
And gay happy meetings with doctors on call
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
There'll be tan beds for toasting
Mercola beds roasting
And medical bunk on Oz show
There'll be fairy tale stories
And sales of tan glory
Of skin masses long, long a-grow
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be much skin for showing
And hearts will be slowing when gloved ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be IV’s we’re hosting
Harsh protons for toasting
And tumor things all in a glow
There'll be scary doc stories
And tales of the gories
Of thick masses long, long ago
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be drug PICC lines flowing
And our hearts won’t be glowing when tanned ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
But while it may not be the most wonderful time of the year for some of us, it’s nevertheless a time when the selfless best in the human spirit seems to shine the brightest. It’s the season of giving at the Hotel Melanoma, not of material bling, but rather of our selves and our love, our compassion, our support and our prayers. For others. And isn’t that just a bit wonderful?
So today I’ll take another shot at giving you a smile when you may not have much to smile about. To the tune of Andy Williams’ “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
It’s the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
With cell phone jingle belling
And hoping doc’s telling you "CT’s are clear"
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
With those bill co-pay greetings
And gay happy meetings with doctors on call
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
There'll be tan beds for toasting
Mercola beds roasting
And medical bunk on Oz show
There'll be fairy tale stories
And sales of tan glory
Of skin masses long, long a-grow
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be much skin for showing
And hearts will be slowing when gloved ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be IV’s we’re hosting
Harsh protons for toasting
And tumor things all in a glow
There'll be scary doc stories
And tales of the gories
Of thick masses long, long ago
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be drug PICC lines flowing
And our hearts won’t be glowing when tanned ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Time To Pick on Ol' St. Nick
Is anyone else thinking that Santa is way past due for a skin check? I mean, let’s tick off the risk factors:
· He’s an older Caucasian gentleman of indeterminate age.
· He lives at the North Pole under a depleted ozone layer.
· He spends lots of time outdoors tending to his reindeer, catching lots of UV rays reflecting off the snow and ice.
· His face looks like Rudolph’s nose, so he ain’t been wearing sunscreen.
So, Santa, when you drop down my chimney this year there will be more than cookies on your plate. The ‘derma docs’ will be coming to town and awaiting your arrival, because we really do need you to stick around. I promise not to peek.
To the tune of John Mellencamp’s “I Saw Mommy Kissin’ Santa Claus”…
I want M.D.’s checkin’ ol' Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe and lights
And he need not fear me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
He can bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Underneath the mistletoe and lights
And he need not fear me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
He can bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
I’ll have derm docs tickle ol' Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
And what a gaff it could have been
If my Black C would have stalked right in
I’ve got derm docs checkin ’Santa Claus that night
Underneath the mistletoe that night
And he will not see me creep
Down the stairs to take a peek
Surely bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
I’ll have mole docs tickle ol' Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
And what a gaff it could have been
If ol’ Black C had just got him
I got mole docs checkin’ Santa Claus that night
Saturday, December 1, 2012
A Jimmy Buffett Christmas
To the tune of Jimmy Buffett’s rendition of “Mele Kalikimaka”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdDfI2aLV8
“Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
"Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
(Take it girls)
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and bare our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the mole land greeting that we send to you
From the land where M.D.’s flay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be sheen of white
For sun we’ll pine all day and all our scars we’ll hide
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun fryee’s way to say Merry Christmas,
Merry Merry Christmas to you, Merry Merry Christmas to you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdDfI2aLV8
“Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
"Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
(Take it girls)
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and bare our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the mole land greeting that we send to you
From the land where M.D.’s flay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be sheen of white
For sun we’ll pine all day and all our scars we’ll hide
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun fryee’s way to say Merry Christmas,
Merry Merry Christmas to you, Merry Merry Christmas to you
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Santa Baby
Just a few Christmas gift requests to Santa for all of my melahomies, to the tune of Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFMyF9fDKzE
Santa Baby, pix all stable on the CT, for me.
Need an awful good cure, Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa baby, an end to those deductibles too,
Claims through.
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Think of all the sun I've missed,
Think of all the freckles that I haven't dissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list,
Santa baby, I want Oz shot,
And really that's not a lot,
Been an angel all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need,
Sunscreen
For a platinum shine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with free Rx,
Skin checks.
Shine your specs on my hide,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.
Come and trim my IV tree,
With some med confections bought for zero fees,
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me,
Santa baby, forgot to mention Sloan Kettering,
One thing.
I won’t need on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry, tonight.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFMyF9fDKzE
Santa Baby, pix all stable on the CT, for me.
Need an awful good cure, Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa baby, an end to those deductibles too,
Claims through.
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Think of all the sun I've missed,
Think of all the freckles that I haven't dissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list,
Santa baby, I want Oz shot,
And really that's not a lot,
Been an angel all year,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa honey, there's one thing I really do need,
Sunscreen
For a platinum shine,
Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with free Rx,
Skin checks.
Shine your specs on my hide,
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.
Come and trim my IV tree,
With some med confections bought for zero fees,
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me,
Santa baby, forgot to mention Sloan Kettering,
One thing.
I won’t need on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry, tonight.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Pretty In Pink
I’ll be seeing my favorite oncologist tomorrow to get a lymph node checked out (which I’m sure will turn out just fine) and was told to plan on having a “fine needle aspiration” of said node. And guess where said procedure will be performed. The breast cancer clinic. The last time I was sent there for a quicky needle biopsy I caught some very quizzical looks, seeing as how I was the only guy in the waiting room. So I’m wondering whether I should go with the flow and try to blend in a little better this time by wearing a pink shirt and my black tutu from the AIM Walk For A Cure. Any advice?
I'll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma twist on Marty Robbins’ “A White Sport Coat And A Pink Carnation”...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD8MnvyAi6I
With white lab coats at the pink C station
I'm all dressed up for the lance
With white lab coats in the pink C nation
I'm all alone wearin’ pants
Once Mom told me long ago
To the doc with C I'd go
Now U’s braised my hide it seems
Too late now to wear sunscreen
With white lab coats in the pink C nation
I'm in a blue blue mood.
I'm all dressed up for the lance
I'm all alone wearin’ pants
Once tans broiled me long ago
It’s a bomb in me did blow
Now I’ve bathed my hide in ‘screen
Nothing else will hold pale sheen
With white lab coats in the pink C nation
I'm in a blue blue mood
I'll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma twist on Marty Robbins’ “A White Sport Coat And A Pink Carnation”...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD8MnvyAi6I
With white lab coats at the pink C station
I'm all dressed up for the lance
With white lab coats in the pink C nation
I'm all alone wearin’ pants
Once Mom told me long ago
To the doc with C I'd go
Now U’s braised my hide it seems
Too late now to wear sunscreen
With white lab coats in the pink C nation
I'm in a blue blue mood.
I'm all dressed up for the lance
I'm all alone wearin’ pants
Once tans broiled me long ago
It’s a bomb in me did blow
Now I’ve bathed my hide in ‘screen
Nothing else will hold pale sheen
With white lab coats in the pink C nation
I'm in a blue blue mood
Monday, November 26, 2012
A Mole Carol
To the tune of Tom Petty’s “Christmas All Over Again”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaPj1GoDpQw
Well it's skin check time again, Paler Nation was all stung by sun fire
Everybody's cringin', all our moles are hangin’ out
And it's skin checks all over again, yeah again
My dermatologist, haven't seen him in a long, long time
Yeah I kind of missed him, I just don't wanna kiss him, no
And it's skin checks all over again, yeah again
And all in our gowns big old kids gonna strip down
And skin check is a doc’s gold mine, put your body out to shine
Underneath the bright light glow we go, we go
Everybodys cringin', all the moles are hangin’ out
And it's skin checks all over again, yeah again
And all ‘round the clock Hotel kids like to rock
And skin check is a doc’s gold mine, put your body out to shine
Underneath the bright light glow we go, we go
Merry skin check time come and find you happy and bare, sans attire
I hope you have a good one, I hope doctuh gets her choppin' done
And it's a skin check all over again
Baby it's skin check all over again
And it's skin check all over again
Now let's see...I want a new itchin’ scratcher skin scar...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaPj1GoDpQw
Well it's skin check time again, Paler Nation was all stung by sun fire
Everybody's cringin', all our moles are hangin’ out
And it's skin checks all over again, yeah again
My dermatologist, haven't seen him in a long, long time
Yeah I kind of missed him, I just don't wanna kiss him, no
And it's skin checks all over again, yeah again
And all in our gowns big old kids gonna strip down
And skin check is a doc’s gold mine, put your body out to shine
Underneath the bright light glow we go, we go
Everybodys cringin', all the moles are hangin’ out
And it's skin checks all over again, yeah again
And all ‘round the clock Hotel kids like to rock
And skin check is a doc’s gold mine, put your body out to shine
Underneath the bright light glow we go, we go
Merry skin check time come and find you happy and bare, sans attire
I hope you have a good one, I hope doctuh gets her choppin' done
And it's a skin check all over again
Baby it's skin check all over again
And it's skin check all over again
Now let's see...I want a new itchin’ scratcher skin scar...
Monday, November 19, 2012
Not Just A Walk In The Park
With thanks to my fellow TuTu Man Mark Williams for, both literally and figuratively, getting me into this, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Walk Like A Man” from Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtc5HotYOvE
Walk like a man
Oh, how you tried to cut me down to size
Spreadin' UV fries to my ends
But my mole brother said "Never give up ever”
The world isn't comin' to an end"
(He said)
Walk like a man, talk ‘bout the tan
Walk like a man, wear one
No suntan’s worth crawlin' under earth
So walk like a man, wear one
Bye bye Ray C, I don't-a mean maybe
Gonna get along somehow
Soon you'll be dyin' on account of all our tryin'
Oh yeah, just look who's laughin' now
(I'm gonna)
Walk like a man, fast as I can
Walk like a man TuTu’d
I'll tell the world "let’s get about the CURE!"
And walk like a man TuTu’d
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
No Time
I’ll confess, I’m a Roman Catholic, not a very good one, but I try. Perhaps only known in an increasingly secular world for all of its institutional faults and fallibilities, the Roman Catholic Church offers a very well developed, wide and deep body of teaching on the concept of sin that endures through the years and doesn’t bend to the mores of the popular culture of the day. Yes, sin. Some things just aren’t okay and never will be, regardless of the situation. Really.
Among the most destructive of sins is envy. And it’s reared its ugly head here at the Hotel Melanoma among mole mates working in various ways to increase melanoma awareness. A theologian I’m not, but I think we’re committing the sin of envy when we’re angry or sorrowful about the successes of others and we do things to try to take them away and grab them for ourselves. As far south of perfect as I am, I nevertheless have no time for envy or the envious when it comes to working together to do what we can to teach the general public that this ain’t “just skin cancer”. And I hope you don’t either.
So, c’mon people, check your envy at the Hotel door and play nice together once inside. If you don’t, Hotel management will transfer you to the “administrative segregation” wing where every room is adjacent to an elevator and ice machine.
I’ll end today’s homily with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “No Time” from The Guess Who…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUulpH16hTo
No time left for you
Finding ways to better things
No time left for you
I built myself new wing
No time left for you
Mutant moles are stalking me
No time left for you.
No time for a bummer friend
No time for the posts you send
Friendships change and so did I
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There’s no time left for you
No time left for you.
No time left for you
Finding ways to better things
No time left for you
I built myself new wing
No time left for you
Mutant moles are stalking me
No time left for you.
No time for a drama queen
No time for a post that’s mean
No time for facebooking bores
No time at this Hotel for
No time at this Hotel for
There’s no time left for you
No time left for you.
No time for a bummer friend
No time for the posts you send
Friendships change and so did I
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There’s no time left for you
No time left for you.
No time, no time, no time, no time
No time, no time, no time, no time
I got, got, got, got no time
I got, got, got, got no time
I got, got, got, got no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no time
I got, got, got, got no time
No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no time
I got no time, got no time, got no time, got no time, got no time,
Got no time, got no time
Among the most destructive of sins is envy. And it’s reared its ugly head here at the Hotel Melanoma among mole mates working in various ways to increase melanoma awareness. A theologian I’m not, but I think we’re committing the sin of envy when we’re angry or sorrowful about the successes of others and we do things to try to take them away and grab them for ourselves. As far south of perfect as I am, I nevertheless have no time for envy or the envious when it comes to working together to do what we can to teach the general public that this ain’t “just skin cancer”. And I hope you don’t either.
So, c’mon people, check your envy at the Hotel door and play nice together once inside. If you don’t, Hotel management will transfer you to the “administrative segregation” wing where every room is adjacent to an elevator and ice machine.
I’ll end today’s homily with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “No Time” from The Guess Who…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUulpH16hTo
No time left for you
Finding ways to better things
No time left for you
I built myself new wing
No time left for you
Mutant moles are stalking me
No time left for you.
No time for a bummer friend
No time for the posts you send
Friendships change and so did I
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There’s no time left for you
No time left for you.
No time left for you
Finding ways to better things
No time left for you
I built myself new wing
No time left for you
Mutant moles are stalking me
No time left for you.
No time for a drama queen
No time for a post that’s mean
No time for facebooking bores
No time at this Hotel for
No time at this Hotel for
There’s no time left for you
No time left for you.
No time for a bummer friend
No time for the posts you send
Friendships change and so did I
You need not wonder why
You need not wonder why
There’s no time left for you
No time left for you.
No time, no time, no time, no time
No time, no time, no time, no time
I got, got, got, got no time
I got, got, got, got no time
I got, got, got, got no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no time
No, no, no, no, no, no, no time
I got, got, got, got no time
No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no time
I got no time, got no time, got no time, got no time, got no time,
Got no time, got no time
Monday, November 12, 2012
Something To Walk About
At the upcoming AIM For A Cure Melanoma Walk at Freedom Park in Charlotte, NC, those of us who are lucky enough to be able to attend will be walking for everyone who’s checked into the Hotel Melanoma-- you may not be physically present but you’ll be in the hearts and heads of those who are. And if you are there, you won’t have any difficulty spotting me because I’ll be one of two older fellows sporting a black tutu. (Which I’m sure is going to haunt me for years to come in so, so many ways.) With any luck, the walk’s pale and black-clad participants will make enough noise and create enough of a spectacle to draw the curiosity of the park’s regular Saturday morning users and a few of those innocent bystanders will maybe start to ‘get’ melanoma before they too get it.
Until next time, I’ll leave you with a little twist on Bonnie Raitt’s “Something To Talk About”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ58TVYNFro
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
People are walkin', walkin' 'bout people,
I fear them blisters, shoes won't relieve it.
They think we're vampires kept under cover,
I just ignore it but they keep sayin' we...
Stand just a little too proud,
Scan just a little too close,
Our ‘screen’s just a little too strong.
Maybe they're seein' somethin' we got darlin'.
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
How about cure?
I feel so foolish, I never noticed
I was so reckless, could U be stalkin’ for me?
It took a tumor to make me wonder,
Now I'm convinced that I'm glowin’ under.
Thinkin' 'bout cure every day,
Dreamin' 'bout cure every night.
I'm hopin' that you feel the same way,
Now that we know it, let's really show it darlin'.
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
(Somethin' to walk about)
A little ‘skin C’ to get cured out
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
How about cure?
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about babe,
A little ‘skin C’ to get cured out.
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about,
How about cure? Ooh...
Listen to 'em baby
(Somethin' to walk about)
A little ‘skin C’ could hurt 'em
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk
How about our cure, cure, cure, cure
Whoowhoo mmmm hey oohh whoowhoo
About cure, cure, cure, cure
How about they walk about it? uh huh
Walk about cure........
Until next time, I’ll leave you with a little twist on Bonnie Raitt’s “Something To Talk About”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJ58TVYNFro
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
People are walkin', walkin' 'bout people,
I fear them blisters, shoes won't relieve it.
They think we're vampires kept under cover,
I just ignore it but they keep sayin' we...
Stand just a little too proud,
Scan just a little too close,
Our ‘screen’s just a little too strong.
Maybe they're seein' somethin' we got darlin'.
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
How about cure?
I feel so foolish, I never noticed
I was so reckless, could U be stalkin’ for me?
It took a tumor to make me wonder,
Now I'm convinced that I'm glowin’ under.
Thinkin' 'bout cure every day,
Dreamin' 'bout cure every night.
I'm hopin' that you feel the same way,
Now that we know it, let's really show it darlin'.
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
(Somethin' to walk about)
A little ‘skin C’ to get cured out
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about
How about cure?
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about babe,
A little ‘skin C’ to get cured out.
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk about,
How about cure? Ooh...
Listen to 'em baby
(Somethin' to walk about)
A little ‘skin C’ could hurt 'em
(Somethin' to walk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to walk
How about our cure, cure, cure, cure
Whoowhoo mmmm hey oohh whoowhoo
About cure, cure, cure, cure
How about they walk about it? uh huh
Walk about cure........
Friday, November 9, 2012
Blogging For Black
But, being a recovering attorney, I always have a Plan B and have thought of a promising new idea for melanoma research fundraising! This past Tuesday, voters in the Great State of Colorado approved an amendment to the state constitution that decriminalizes the recreational use of marijuana. Beginning in 2014, after the legislature figures out how in the heck they are going to be regulate and tax the sale of marijuana, the amendment will also permit licensed retail sales stores. So I just might apply for a license to open a shop, call it “McWeed’s”, and donate the profits to melanoma research. Do you think “Tokin’ For The Cure” might work as an ad slogan?
Hoping that neither my Mom nor any of those brave and dedicated public servants at the United States Drug Enforcement Administration will ever, ever read this post, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Down To Seeds And Stems Again Blues” from Commander Cody & His Lost Planet Airmen…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEg9FbuaSCk
I'm bloggin’ at home, ev’ry dang night, mocking the fake bake glow
A bottle of wine, some ‘cigarettes’, I got no race to go
Well, I saw my onc doc man today, he was scaring with brand new news
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too
Well, I saw my old friend Oz today from up on TV screen
He has the scariest quack doc pals that I've ever seen
But I couldn't hide my tears at all 'cause C’s cooked best by U
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too
Now everybody tells me there's other ways to get fried
They don't seem to understand, I'm too far gone to try
Now these sun ray memories, they're all I can't lose
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too
Well, my blog died just yesterday, fans left me all alone
That CIGNA company called up today, they’ve reprocessed claims known
But that's just a drop in the bucket, pals, compared to losing hue
And I'm down to seeds and stems again, too
Got the down to seeds and stems again blues
Monday, November 5, 2012
Manana
If you checked into the Hotel Melanoma more than twenty-four hours ago, you’ve probably heard at least one well-intentioned but ill-informed friend or family member say something along the lines of “thank heavens it’s just skin cancer”. I certainly heard that a time or two. Some of those people rather quickly figured out that melanoma really is cancer upon hearing I was being hospitalized to undergo biochemotherapy treatments. And some never truly got it and won’t unless they get it themselves; and they continue to soak up the UV rays because they think it can’t happen to them and “manana” will never come.
Which is a so very human quality in all of us. We all do dumb things that put our health at risk, because we enjoy doing them, and we delude ourselves into thinking the behavior will never rise up and bite us. Oy.
So the next time you hear “it’s just skin cancer”, resist the urge to whack the person up the side of the head and, instead, enlighten them if they’ll listen. Or just smile and share this song from the Hotel Melanoma Songbook, Jimmy Buffett’s “Manana”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTD4tCcqXvA
They said I can't go back to pre-Black C life soon
Those goddamn nodes they’re gonna grow until pruned
Yeah, they're treatin' up in Denver so, truck up in car
And I'm feeling fear ‘screened from sun with new scars
Doctor man tells me that he's gotta treat
He's got a plan hidden up his shrewd sleeve
Wants to ‘scribe me a blastin’, a plan of strong kind
With IV confection he knows will be fine
Please don't say manana if you don't ‘screen it
I have heard those words for so very long
Don't try to describe the mole thing if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being wrong
Tried and I tried but I don't understand
Never seemed to break out the day I had it planned
Hangin' out at C cantina when Code Blue was called
Singin' everybody clear, patient’s heart just got stalled
But doctors and nurses aren’t in short supply
There's just enough ‘dope’ for us all to get high
I hear it gets better, that's what they say
As soon as I break out alive on Friday
Please don't say manana if you don't ‘screen it
I have burned tan lines for so very long
Don't try to describe this mean C if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up in my song
Alright let's reggae tanners!
Bawled out my friends on those deep frightly rays
Sure was good to talk ‘bout my old UV-fried ways
While the lights of sun salons fry twenty-some guests
I see General Electric's still doing their best
I got to mend this blog thing pretty soon
Hotel M’s old and I'm fresh out of tunes
But I know that I'll get 'em, I know that they'll come
Through mole people in rages and Hollywood scum
So please don't say manana if you don't mean it (don't mean it)
I have heard tan lies for so very long
Don't try to deride ‘just skin cancer’ if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being gonged
And I hope that no freak Kardashian never ever does one of my songs
No no no
Which is a so very human quality in all of us. We all do dumb things that put our health at risk, because we enjoy doing them, and we delude ourselves into thinking the behavior will never rise up and bite us. Oy.
So the next time you hear “it’s just skin cancer”, resist the urge to whack the person up the side of the head and, instead, enlighten them if they’ll listen. Or just smile and share this song from the Hotel Melanoma Songbook, Jimmy Buffett’s “Manana”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTD4tCcqXvA
They said I can't go back to pre-Black C life soon
Those goddamn nodes they’re gonna grow until pruned
Yeah, they're treatin' up in Denver so, truck up in car
And I'm feeling fear ‘screened from sun with new scars
Doctor man tells me that he's gotta treat
He's got a plan hidden up his shrewd sleeve
Wants to ‘scribe me a blastin’, a plan of strong kind
With IV confection he knows will be fine
Please don't say manana if you don't ‘screen it
I have heard those words for so very long
Don't try to describe the mole thing if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being wrong
Tried and I tried but I don't understand
Never seemed to break out the day I had it planned
Hangin' out at C cantina when Code Blue was called
Singin' everybody clear, patient’s heart just got stalled
But doctors and nurses aren’t in short supply
There's just enough ‘dope’ for us all to get high
I hear it gets better, that's what they say
As soon as I break out alive on Friday
Please don't say manana if you don't ‘screen it
I have burned tan lines for so very long
Don't try to describe this mean C if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up in my song
Alright let's reggae tanners!
Bawled out my friends on those deep frightly rays
Sure was good to talk ‘bout my old UV-fried ways
While the lights of sun salons fry twenty-some guests
I see General Electric's still doing their best
I got to mend this blog thing pretty soon
Hotel M’s old and I'm fresh out of tunes
But I know that I'll get 'em, I know that they'll come
Through mole people in rages and Hollywood scum
So please don't say manana if you don't mean it (don't mean it)
I have heard tan lies for so very long
Don't try to deride ‘just skin cancer’ if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being gonged
And I hope that no freak Kardashian never ever does one of my songs
No no no
Saturday, November 3, 2012
One Node Over The Line
After my kindly surgical oncologist found fourteen malignant lymph nodes back in the summer of ’03, my prognosis was looking just a bit grim. But thanks to a bit of luck and a boatload of toxic chemicals I’m still here nine years later.
I often wonder why in the heck I’m blogging and facebooking and haven’t “moved on” by now. But I think it’s because I hope I might lend some encouragement to newly diagnosed mole mates just by showing up and being counted among the undead.
So for all of you recent check-ins at the Hotel Melanoma, here’s a slightly twisted rendition of Brewer & Shipley’s “One Toke Over The Line”…
One node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
Awaitin' for the scan that shows brain, sweet Mary
Hopin' that the scan is on time
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
Whoooo do you cure, I hope it's me
I've been a tannin', as you can plainly see
I felt no joy and I learned about sun rays that my momma said
If I should choose to make a part of me, surely strike me dead
And now I'm one node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
I'm waitin' for the scan that shows brain sweet Mary
Hopin' that the scan is on time
Sittin' in gown joining Black C Nation
One node over the line
I ‘screen away the UV guile,
Now I'm not burnin’, showin' off pale style
I met all the cures and drugged myself anew
And to my surprise like everything else I've been through
It opened up my eyes and now I'm
One node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
Don't you just know I waitin' for the scan that shows brain sweet Mary
Hopin' that the scan is on time
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
Don't you just know I waitin' for the brain that glows no sweet Mary
Hopin' that my brain in just fine
Sittin' in gown as new cancer patient
One node over the line
Don’t want to be
One node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Paler Nation
One node over the line
Don't you just know I’m waitin' for the brain that glows no sweet Mary
Hopin' that my brain in just fine
Sittin' in gown in a PET scan station
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown in a PET scan station
One node over line
One node, one node over the line
I often wonder why in the heck I’m blogging and facebooking and haven’t “moved on” by now. But I think it’s because I hope I might lend some encouragement to newly diagnosed mole mates just by showing up and being counted among the undead.
So for all of you recent check-ins at the Hotel Melanoma, here’s a slightly twisted rendition of Brewer & Shipley’s “One Toke Over The Line”…
One node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
Awaitin' for the scan that shows brain, sweet Mary
Hopin' that the scan is on time
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
Whoooo do you cure, I hope it's me
I've been a tannin', as you can plainly see
I felt no joy and I learned about sun rays that my momma said
If I should choose to make a part of me, surely strike me dead
And now I'm one node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
I'm waitin' for the scan that shows brain sweet Mary
Hopin' that the scan is on time
Sittin' in gown joining Black C Nation
One node over the line
I ‘screen away the UV guile,
Now I'm not burnin’, showin' off pale style
I met all the cures and drugged myself anew
And to my surprise like everything else I've been through
It opened up my eyes and now I'm
One node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
Don't you just know I waitin' for the scan that shows brain sweet Mary
Hopin' that the scan is on time
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Black C Nation
One node over the line
Don't you just know I waitin' for the brain that glows no sweet Mary
Hopin' that my brain in just fine
Sittin' in gown as new cancer patient
One node over the line
Don’t want to be
One node over the line sweet Jesus
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown joinin’ Paler Nation
One node over the line
Don't you just know I’m waitin' for the brain that glows no sweet Mary
Hopin' that my brain in just fine
Sittin' in gown in a PET scan station
One node over the line
Sittin' in gown in a PET scan station
One node over line
One node, one node over the line
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Southbound
With thanks to all of the generous donors who’ve sponsored me, or one of the other Charlotte walkers, I’ll leave you with a slightly altered version of The Allman Brothers Band’s “Southbound”…
Well, I'm Southbound ... Lord I'm takin’ AIM at you
Lord, I'm Southbound, Black C ... Lord I'm takin’ AIM at you
I got that old sun C feelin' that's sometimes called the blues
Lord, I been bloggin' every night ... oh facebookin' every day
Lord, I been bloggin' every night .. whoa facebookin’ every day
Oh, I can tell you there’s a plan ... sweet vict’ry’s on the way
Oh, you better believe
Well, I'm Southbound
Lord, I'm Southbound, Black C
Oh, you better make some other plans ... sweet vict’ry’s on the way
Got your hands full now, Black C ... oh as soon as we raise some more
Got your hands full now, Black C ... yeah as soon as we raise some more
Well, we’re gonna walk it all up for you ... for all the cures you should have had before
Well, I'm goin' Southbound
Oh, Southbound, Black C
Ohhhh ... I'm rollin' Southbound
Yeah, Black C ... walk it all up for you ... ohhhh ... the cures you should had before
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Willing
I’m somewhat of a slacker at the Hotel Melanoma, having never (yet) ‘progressed’ beyond a Stage IIIc diagnosis and a single clinical trial. Consequently, I’m inspired on a daily basis by the spunk and endurance of my Stage IV mole mates who are fighting for their lives and undergoing a series of grueling treatments with vicious side effects. And never, ever giving up or “losing” their battles.
Hoping that I’ll have half the grit of these tough and spirited warriors if and when my time comes, and in tribute to all of them, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Linda Ronstadt’s “Willin”…
I been warped by sun rays, driven down C road
My prognosis murky, don't you know
But I'm still willin'
Fightin’ C road’s latest fright
I see my cancer’s malice in every scan light
Malice, Black C’s malice
And I've been from ‘feron to proton ther’py
To MDA for surgeon’s saw
Taken every kind of med that's ever been made
Checkin’ the black moles so I wouldn't get flayed
And if you give me sweet trials and time
And you show me drugs fine
And I'll be willin' to keep movin'
And I've been kicked by this thing, robbed by C fleet
Had my head stove in but I'm still on my feet
And I'm still willin'
And I’ve struggled with pokes from folks from medic show
Raked by someone every time I go to medic show
Ah but I'm still...
And I've been from ‘feron to proton ther’py
To MDA for surgeon’s saw
Taken every kind of med that's ever been made
Checkin’ the black moles so I wouldn't get flayed
And if you give me sweet trials and time
And you show me drugs fine
And I’ll be willin’ to keep movin’
Hoping that I’ll have half the grit of these tough and spirited warriors if and when my time comes, and in tribute to all of them, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Linda Ronstadt’s “Willin”…
I been warped by sun rays, driven down C road
My prognosis murky, don't you know
But I'm still willin'
Fightin’ C road’s latest fright
I see my cancer’s malice in every scan light
Malice, Black C’s malice
And I've been from ‘feron to proton ther’py
To MDA for surgeon’s saw
Taken every kind of med that's ever been made
Checkin’ the black moles so I wouldn't get flayed
And if you give me sweet trials and time
And you show me drugs fine
And I'll be willin' to keep movin'
And I've been kicked by this thing, robbed by C fleet
Had my head stove in but I'm still on my feet
And I'm still willin'
And I’ve struggled with pokes from folks from medic show
Raked by someone every time I go to medic show
Ah but I'm still...
And I've been from ‘feron to proton ther’py
To MDA for surgeon’s saw
Taken every kind of med that's ever been made
Checkin’ the black moles so I wouldn't get flayed
And if you give me sweet trials and time
And you show me drugs fine
And I’ll be willin’ to keep movin’
Monday, October 29, 2012
A Country Monday
It occurred to me over the weekend that I’ve never butchered a classic country song for the melanoma awareness cause. And I suppose it’s high time that I did, so here’s a little ditty to the Black Beast, to the tune of Johnny Cash’s “I Walk The Line”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHF9itPLUo4
I keep a close watch on these parts of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ‘screen on for the fry that binds
Because you're mine, I lost tan lines
I find it very, very easy to be blue
I check my moles alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm in duel with you
Because you're mine, I block sun light
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep ‘screen on my hide both day and night
And healthiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I scan at times
You've got a way to keep C on my mind
You give me cause for drugs that I can't ‘bide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I had PICC line
I keep a close watch on mole mates of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I pick new friends out for C tie that binds
Because you're mine, I blog these lines
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHF9itPLUo4
I keep a close watch on these parts of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ‘screen on for the fry that binds
Because you're mine, I lost tan lines
I find it very, very easy to be blue
I check my moles alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm in duel with you
Because you're mine, I block sun light
As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep ‘screen on my hide both day and night
And healthiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I scan at times
You've got a way to keep C on my mind
You give me cause for drugs that I can't ‘bide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I had PICC line
I keep a close watch on mole mates of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I pick new friends out for C tie that binds
Because you're mine, I blog these lines
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Anything For A Buck
There’s a tanning salon next door to my hair ‘stylist’ joint called “Tan Your Hide”. Really. And that’d be funny if it wasn’t so dead-on accurate in describing what salon patrons are doing to themselves.
Speaking of leather, the indoor tanning industry had itself a convention last weekend in Nashville, and the ‘celebrity’ hired guns paid to attend included people named “Snooki” and “Khloe Kardashian”. (Since I honestly wouldn’t even know who these people are or why this industry would be paying them if I wasn’t a big fan of my young friend Chelsea’s fine blog, I’ll refer you to www.adventurewithmelanoma.blogspot.com if you too might need to catch up on 21st Century popular culture.) And Bruce Jenner was also on the convention program, which is truly amazing when he's had a recent brush with skin cancer. Anything for a buck I guess.
For the indoor tanning industry, and the ‘celebrity’ low life people it pays to endorse its product, the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Take The Money And Run” from The Steve Miller Band…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVA1xRrWBuk
This here's a story about Khloe K and Snooki too
Two young tanners with nothin' better to do
Than sit around the house, get fried, and watch the tube
And here is what happened when they decided to hawk U’s
They headed down to, ooh, old town Nashville
That's where they ran into a great big tan show
Khloe K hawked the tans while Jenner showed his medals
Snooki too took the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Cancer Black is epidemic, brown will vex us
You know C knows just exactly what the facts is
C ain't gonna let those two escape justice
C makes its livin' off of tan people's ‘backses’
Snooki too, whoa, whoa, she took her pay
Khloe K got bucks for her the very next day
They got the money, hey
You know they hawked the rays
They headed down south and they're still sunning today
Singin' go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Go on take the money and run
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Cancer Is One Fight
A case in point: November is both lung and pancreatic cancer awareness month. Yes, you read that correctly, two of the biggest cancer killers have to share an awareness month. (And melanoma officially gets one day during the skin cancer awareness month of May since, hey, it’s “just skin cancer”.) I strongly suspect that if you want to buy a product next month carrying a white/clear or purple ribbon you’re going to have to hunt for it.
The irony in all of this marketing Balkanization of the Cancer World is that cutting-edge cancer research often seems to “cross over” and lead to advances in treatment for more than one cancer brand. And hallelujah for that.
Hoping that one day we’ll all climb out of our silos and understand that cancer is really one fight we’re all in together, I’ll sign off with some bent lyrics to Jackson Browne’s “Tender Is The Night”…
Between the darkness on C street
And this Hotel filling up too tight
Between the illness in my parts
And the roar of C’s approaching fright
Somebody's after some money
Somebody turns the corner on the fight
Looking for some money
Somewhere for the fight
Cancer is one fight
When we hold all hands so tight
Cancer war’s our notion, cancer is one fight
Between the life that we expected
And the stay in Hotel M
We can't walk back out again
After the way we fight
When just outside there are people tanning
Living lives we used to lead
Chasing down the sun they ‘need’
Somewhere in the light
Cancer is one fight
And the tan addiction is the teen one’s fright
Cancers are the hunters, cancer is one fight
We're gonna watch C take flight
When we’re banding all together
Forget about who's right
When we're standing all together
It's another world in sight
When we’re ready to team cancer
Cancer, cancer cancer...
And in the hard light of a battle won
No one remembers colored ribbon fun
Cancers all are cured, they lose
You win, I win, we choose
Cancer
Cancer is one fight
Cancer
The tan addiction is the teen one’s fright
Cancer
Cancers are the hunters
Cancer is one fight
When we hold each other tight
Cancer
Cancers are so undercover
Cancer
The danger and the quiet killer
Cancer
Cancer war’s the notion
Cancer is one fight
When we hold our hands so tight
Cancer, Cancer, Cancer...
Monday, October 22, 2012
Let's Be Careful Out There
One of my favorite old TV cop shows was “Hill Street Blues”. Each episode began with a tough and seasoned veteran sergeant briefing the street cops under his command about what was going on and what to look out for on the crime-ridden neighborhood beat they were about to patrol on the day’s shift. The sergeant always ended his daily briefing with the admonishment “let’s be careful out there”.
Unfortunately, these same words of warning apply for those of us who are bold enough to put ourselves out there in the online community of melanoma patients. As a recovering lawyer who was trained to always keep in mind that everyone I dealt with in a professional setting (including my own client) just might be a liar or a thief or otherwise up to no good, you’d think I’d know better, but I stuck my toes in the waters of the online melanoma community with the trusting mindset that every mole mate I might encounter would be a sincere and kind-hearted giver and seeker of support and advice to and from other melanoma warriors. And 99.99% of the folks I’ve encountered are fine and caring people. But, regrettably, I’m slowly learning from the bad experiences of others that there seem to be a few cyber bullies and manipulators out there. And even a few people who might try to take advantage of your charitable nature and ask you for money they may not truly need. Or be ‘plants’ from the indoor tanning industry who want to do surveillance on your blog or awareness page.
So let’s be careful out there. Because not everyone will turn out to be the person they at first appeared to be.
On a lighter note, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Wooly Bully” from Sam The Sham & The Pharoahs…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6P7g_qz2OU
Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro
Matty told Hatty about a ‘friend’ with flaws.
Had two big horns and a bully jaw.
Cyber bully, cyber bully.
Cyber bully, cyber bully, cyber bully.
Hatty told Matty, "Let's don't take no chance.
Let's not be too friendin’, come and learn the scams."
Cyber bully, cyber bully
Cyber bully, cyber bully, cyber bully.
Matty told Hatty, "That's no thing to do.
Let you someone stealthy to pull the wool on you."
Cyber bully, cyber bully.
Cyber bully, cyber bully, cyber bully.
Unfortunately, these same words of warning apply for those of us who are bold enough to put ourselves out there in the online community of melanoma patients. As a recovering lawyer who was trained to always keep in mind that everyone I dealt with in a professional setting (including my own client) just might be a liar or a thief or otherwise up to no good, you’d think I’d know better, but I stuck my toes in the waters of the online melanoma community with the trusting mindset that every mole mate I might encounter would be a sincere and kind-hearted giver and seeker of support and advice to and from other melanoma warriors. And 99.99% of the folks I’ve encountered are fine and caring people. But, regrettably, I’m slowly learning from the bad experiences of others that there seem to be a few cyber bullies and manipulators out there. And even a few people who might try to take advantage of your charitable nature and ask you for money they may not truly need. Or be ‘plants’ from the indoor tanning industry who want to do surveillance on your blog or awareness page.
So let’s be careful out there. Because not everyone will turn out to be the person they at first appeared to be.
On a lighter note, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Wooly Bully” from Sam The Sham & The Pharoahs…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6P7g_qz2OU
Uno, dos, one, two, tres, quatro
Matty told Hatty about a ‘friend’ with flaws.
Had two big horns and a bully jaw.
Cyber bully, cyber bully.
Cyber bully, cyber bully, cyber bully.
Hatty told Matty, "Let's don't take no chance.
Let's not be too friendin’, come and learn the scams."
Cyber bully, cyber bully
Cyber bully, cyber bully, cyber bully.
Matty told Hatty, "That's no thing to do.
Let you someone stealthy to pull the wool on you."
Cyber bully, cyber bully.
Cyber bully, cyber bully, cyber bully.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Lab Monkey Rock
Since checking into the Hotel Melanoma in 2003, I’ve quite often felt that melanoma treatment is just one big science experiment and I’m one of the lab monkeys. I’m quite grateful to apparently be one of the success stories of a clinical trial. But I’m not so grateful that the follow-up monitoring ‘plan’ since completing treatment has been “let’s wait and see if he turns up sick again”. The plan’s success turns entirely upon a combination of luck and ME quickly getting my butt into the melanoma clinic if I suspect something might be going awry.
So, when flying to Charlotte next month for the world’s leading AIM For A Cure Melanoma Walk I’m planning to try and get at least one pass through an airport security scanner and ask the TSA agent if he or she sees anything interesting.
Hoping the TSA won't misinterpret my question and 'cuff me, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Street Fighting Man” from the Rolling Stones…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFvtMp7hRF8
Ev'rywhere I fear the sound of marching, charging C, oy!
'Cause Black C’s here and the time is right for bathing in sunscreen, boy
But what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for the checkin’ mole band
'Cause in creepy Hotel M
There's just no peace for a C fighting man
No
Hey! Think the time is right for a treatment revolution
'Cause where I live the game they play is “wait and see” solution
Well, then what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for the checkin’ mole band
'Cause in creepy Hotel M
There's just no peace for a C fighting man
No
Hey! Said my name is called disturbance
I'll shout and scream, I'll kill C thing, I'll rail at all sun servants
Well, what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for the checkin’ mole band
'Cause in creepy Hotel M
There's just no peace for a C fighting man
No
So, when flying to Charlotte next month for the world’s leading AIM For A Cure Melanoma Walk I’m planning to try and get at least one pass through an airport security scanner and ask the TSA agent if he or she sees anything interesting.
Hoping the TSA won't misinterpret my question and 'cuff me, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Street Fighting Man” from the Rolling Stones…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFvtMp7hRF8
Ev'rywhere I fear the sound of marching, charging C, oy!
'Cause Black C’s here and the time is right for bathing in sunscreen, boy
But what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for the checkin’ mole band
'Cause in creepy Hotel M
There's just no peace for a C fighting man
No
Hey! Think the time is right for a treatment revolution
'Cause where I live the game they play is “wait and see” solution
Well, then what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for the checkin’ mole band
'Cause in creepy Hotel M
There's just no peace for a C fighting man
No
Hey! Said my name is called disturbance
I'll shout and scream, I'll kill C thing, I'll rail at all sun servants
Well, what can a poor boy do
Except to sing for the checkin’ mole band
'Cause in creepy Hotel M
There's just no peace for a C fighting man
No
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Growin' In The Skin
It’s going to be a gorgeous fall day here in Colorado, so I’ll be heading off to the golf course to play whatever game it is I play out there. All I know for sure is that it bears no resemblance whatsoever to the game played by the stars featured in this great new PGA Tour Skin Cancer Awareness Video.
I’ll sign off with a little lyrical nonsense, to the tune of Bob Dylan’s “Blowing In The Wind”…
How many moles must a man bake brown
Before you call him too tan?
How many ‘screens must a white boy fail
Before C creeps into scans?
Yes, and how many times must the tanning halls fry
Before they're forever banned?
The answer my friend is growin’ in the skin
The answer is growin’ in the skin.
Yes, and how many years can a mole man exist
Before he’s hatched some Skin C?
Yes, and how many years can sun people resist
Before they're in shroud from UV?
Yes, and how many times can a man burn his head
Pretending he just lost his ‘screen?
The answer my friend is growin’ in the skin
The answer is growin’ in the skin.
Yes, and how many times must this man look up
Before he can see ball fly?
Yes, and how many strokes must one man have
Before he is near to pin high?
Yes, and how many deaths will it take ‘til we know
That too many people have fried?
The answer my friend is growin’ in the skin
The answer is growin’ in the skin.
I’ll sign off with a little lyrical nonsense, to the tune of Bob Dylan’s “Blowing In The Wind”…
How many moles must a man bake brown
Before you call him too tan?
How many ‘screens must a white boy fail
Before C creeps into scans?
Yes, and how many times must the tanning halls fry
Before they're forever banned?
The answer my friend is growin’ in the skin
The answer is growin’ in the skin.
Yes, and how many years can a mole man exist
Before he’s hatched some Skin C?
Yes, and how many years can sun people resist
Before they're in shroud from UV?
Yes, and how many times can a man burn his head
Pretending he just lost his ‘screen?
The answer my friend is growin’ in the skin
The answer is growin’ in the skin.
Yes, and how many times must this man look up
Before he can see ball fly?
Yes, and how many strokes must one man have
Before he is near to pin high?
Yes, and how many deaths will it take ‘til we know
That too many people have fried?
The answer my friend is growin’ in the skin
The answer is growin’ in the skin.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Wild Thing
No ranting or whining today, just a little ode to melanoma to the tune of The Troggs’ “Wild Thing”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qHX493bB3U&feature=related
Wild thing
You make my blog sing
You take everything UV
Wild thing
Wild thing, I think I’ve drugged you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on, scan Mole C right
I’ll shove you
Wild thing
You make my scars ring
You make every skin groovy
Wild thing
Wild thing, I think you grooved me
But I wanna know you’re cured
So c'mon and fund C right
Remove C
Wild thing
You made my heart ping
You take everything UV
Wild thing
Wild thing
C'mon, c'mon, wild thing
Bake it, bake it, wild thing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qHX493bB3U&feature=related
Wild thing
You make my blog sing
You take everything UV
Wild thing
Wild thing, I think I’ve drugged you
But I wanna know for sure
Come on, scan Mole C right
I’ll shove you
Wild thing
You make my scars ring
You make every skin groovy
Wild thing
Wild thing, I think you grooved me
But I wanna know you’re cured
So c'mon and fund C right
Remove C
Wild thing
You made my heart ping
You take everything UV
Wild thing
Wild thing
C'mon, c'mon, wild thing
Bake it, bake it, wild thing
Friday, October 12, 2012
Breakout With Mick
I’m feeling more than a little frustrated with oncologists and the laissez faire pointlessness of my recent appointments with these folks, so I’m plotting my escape from The Hotel Melanoma. My favorite melanoma clinic lost me in an exam room for about an hour the other day, and never would’ve found me had I not finally “prairie dogged” and walked out into the clinic halls in my blue gown to inquire if my doc was going to see me that day. Their apologetic story was that my name had somehow been “erased from the board” so they didn’t know they had a patient waiting. I can’t help but wonder if they were referring to a dartboard used as a substitute for any standard follow-up protocol.
Eventually, I was pronounced well after a five-minute physical examination and sent on my way. So I think I may permanently erase my name from their board, pronounce myself cured, and get free and more convenient follow-up care by showing up at local health fairs that offer melanoma screenings and such. My health insurance provider would be so pleased if I did.
Hoping for a cure that will enable all of my mole mates to break out of this place, I’ll end today’s rant with The Hotel Melanoma version of The Rolling Stones’ “She’s So Cold”…
I'm so hot for cure, I'm so hot for cure
I'm so hot for cure and C’s so cold
I'm so hot for cure, I'm on fire for cure
I'm so hot for cure and C's so cold
I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
I'm so hot for cure, I'm so hot for cure
I'm so hot for cure ‘cuz C gets old
Yes, I’d try re-wiring cure, try re-firing cure
I think cure engine is permanently stalled
C’s so old C’s so old
C's so cold cold cold
Like a tombstone
C’s so cold, C’s so old
C’s so bold bold bold, I’m in sunscreen zone
C’s so old C’s so cold
And when I seek cure my plan’s just froze
Yeah, I'm so hot so hot for cure, I'm so hot for cure
I'm so hot for cure and grievin' so
Punt your butt on the street, punt your butt on the street
Aw C'mon Black C, just go
C’s so cold, C’s so cold, cold, C’s so c-c-c-old
’Cuz C’s plentiful bold
Yeah, we're so moled
C's so cold, C’s so cold
I think C was born as the devil’s own
C's so cold C's so cold, cold, cold
And when I seek cure my plan’s just froze
C's so cold, C's so goddamn cold C's so
Cold cold cold C's so cold
Who would believe you were a devil indeed
When your days are over and your fright’s long gone
Fright fades and the pain’s lost
Nobody will know, when they’re told
When they’re told, nobody will know
That you was a devil, a fleet sneak devil
A fleet sneak devil, so stone stone cold
You're so cold, you're so cold, cold, cold
You're so cold, you're so cold
I'm so shot with you, I'm so shot with you
I'm so shot with you and you're so old
I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
Eventually, I was pronounced well after a five-minute physical examination and sent on my way. So I think I may permanently erase my name from their board, pronounce myself cured, and get free and more convenient follow-up care by showing up at local health fairs that offer melanoma screenings and such. My health insurance provider would be so pleased if I did.
Hoping for a cure that will enable all of my mole mates to break out of this place, I’ll end today’s rant with The Hotel Melanoma version of The Rolling Stones’ “She’s So Cold”…
I'm so hot for cure, I'm so hot for cure
I'm so hot for cure and C’s so cold
I'm so hot for cure, I'm on fire for cure
I'm so hot for cure and C's so cold
I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
I'm so hot for cure, I'm so hot for cure
I'm so hot for cure ‘cuz C gets old
Yes, I’d try re-wiring cure, try re-firing cure
I think cure engine is permanently stalled
C’s so old C’s so old
C's so cold cold cold
Like a tombstone
C’s so cold, C’s so old
C’s so bold bold bold, I’m in sunscreen zone
C’s so old C’s so cold
And when I seek cure my plan’s just froze
Yeah, I'm so hot so hot for cure, I'm so hot for cure
I'm so hot for cure and grievin' so
Punt your butt on the street, punt your butt on the street
Aw C'mon Black C, just go
C’s so cold, C’s so cold, cold, C’s so c-c-c-old
’Cuz C’s plentiful bold
Yeah, we're so moled
C's so cold, C’s so cold
I think C was born as the devil’s own
C's so cold C's so cold, cold, cold
And when I seek cure my plan’s just froze
C's so cold, C's so goddamn cold C's so
Cold cold cold C's so cold
Who would believe you were a devil indeed
When your days are over and your fright’s long gone
Fright fades and the pain’s lost
Nobody will know, when they’re told
When they’re told, nobody will know
That you was a devil, a fleet sneak devil
A fleet sneak devil, so stone stone cold
You're so cold, you're so cold, cold, cold
You're so cold, you're so cold
I'm so shot with you, I'm so shot with you
I'm so shot with you and you're so old
I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Conniption Rock
I just love talking to oncologists. I have a radiation oncologist who thinks I need to be scanned, just to make sure I don’t have an asymptomatic tumor lurking somewhere. And I have a clinical oncologist who thinks I look great and don’t. There’s no standard protocol that applies to someone like me, who’s way out there on the right side of the relapse-free survival curve. So neither of them is wrong and both have their patient’s best interests at heart. I could seek a tie-breaker third opinion, but I might as well consult my golden retriever whom, if he could talk, would say anything for a Milk Bone. Or I could stowaway in my wife’s luggage and go through baggage scan tomorrow at Denver International Airport. I’m dazed and confused. Any suggestions or advice?
I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Understanding” from Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btsIlNJyuSQ&feature=related
It seems like only everyday
I’ve never had a clue
I sit at home not knowin where to turn
Now suddenly I check around
And everything looks true
I don't know why, but I think I'm startin' to learn
They call it under-scanning
I’m hesitant to glow
I'm finally understanding
There's so much I don’t know
Until the day C came along
I used to just get bossed
I only said the things folks wanted to hear
I always 'screened like no sun care
But then you booked my time
And now I look and everything seems fear
You've got me understanding
You've really helped me, C
I'm finally understanding
It's meant so much to me
You’ve got me understanding
You’ve given me so much pride
I’m finally understanding
You've got me understanding
You're really on my hide
You’re really on my hide
They've got me underscanning?
They’ve got me underscanning?
For the first time
They’ve got me understanding
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Shades Of Grey
As mentioned in a recent post, I have an appointment tomorrow to see the melanoma doc for a six-month checkup and, for the first time in several years, I don’t quite know what to expect will happen. It’s been a long time since I’ve been scanned just for grins, because my doc doesn’t think that’s necessary for a lucky fellow like me who’s been healthy for so long after completing treatment, unless I present symptoms of concern. But when I saw my favorite radiation oncologist ten days ago, he expressed a rather high degree of concern that I’m overdue for scans, to the point he was about to order them himself. He went so far as to say that melanoma is “sneaky” and by the time I presented symptoms of metastasis it’d be “too late”. (That’s the sort of statement that keeps we mole mates awake at night, don’t you think?) So today he sent my melanoma doc an e-mail expressing his concerns.
I know this stuff is all shades of grey, with no black or white answers, but I’m feeling a bit bewildered that two oncologists who treat melanoma patients at the same cancer center apparently have different opinions on this subject. All I know for sure is that I’ll listen to both of them, and then make the call in deciding what’s right for me. After all, I’m the patient.
Until next time, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma version of The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk3Ei_yoI4c
Docs, you really got me goin'
You got me so I don't know what needs doin', now
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don't know we're doin', now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me !
C, won't ever set me free
I’m always gonna be by your side
Docs, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don't know what C's doin', now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
Oh no...
C, won't ever set me free
I’m always gonna save my old hide
Docs, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don't know how I'm doin', now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
I know this stuff is all shades of grey, with no black or white answers, but I’m feeling a bit bewildered that two oncologists who treat melanoma patients at the same cancer center apparently have different opinions on this subject. All I know for sure is that I’ll listen to both of them, and then make the call in deciding what’s right for me. After all, I’m the patient.
Until next time, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma version of The Kinks’ “You Really Got Me”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk3Ei_yoI4c
Docs, you really got me goin'
You got me so I don't know what needs doin', now
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don't know we're doin', now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me !
C, won't ever set me free
I’m always gonna be by your side
Docs, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don't know what C's doin', now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
Oh no...
C, won't ever set me free
I’m always gonna save my old hide
Docs, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
Yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I don't know how I'm doin', now
Oh yeah, you really got me now
You got me so I can't sleep at night
You Really Got Me!
You Really Got Me!
Monday, October 8, 2012
I Thank You
Just a lyrical thank you to my merry band of oncologists at the University of Colorado Cancer Center, from ZZ Top…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkeLAqIjp-E
You didn’t have to drug me like you did
But you did, wish I’d hid.
And I thank you.
You didn’t have to treat me like you did
But you did, cancer rid.
And I thank you.
If you hooked your drugs to someone else
I wouldn’t know what it meant to be drugged to death
You made me feel like I’ve never felt
IVs so good I had to holler for help
You didn’t have to ‘fuse me but you did
But you did, cancer hid
And I thank you.
You didn’t have to Code me but you did
But you did and I lived
And I thank you.
Every day was something new,
You hang up some bags and they drip ‘til through
You got me trying new things too
Just so I can heal up from flu.
You didn’t have to wave me like you did
But you did, protons hit
And I thank you.
You didn’t have to brake it like you did
But you did, tumor slid
And I thank you.
In new life I’ve been
Without old sun crazy, its a frying shame
And now I know what the doctuhs are talking about
When they say that I’ve been burned out
I want to thank you
Thank you
Thank you M.D.’s
Oh M.D.’s
Got to say
You didn’t have to drug me like you did
But you did, wish I’d hid.
You didn’t have to scold me like you did
But you did, ‘cuz I’m dim.
Thank you
M.D.’s
M.D.’s
Thank! I’ve! Got! I’ve got to
Thank you M.D.’s
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