Don't Fry Day Rock

This Friday, May 24, is Don’t Fry Day. Although for most everyone living at the Hotel Melanoma, every day is don’t fry day. Take me, for example. I played a stinking round of geezer league golf today covered in SPF-protective clothing, ball cap, shades and sunscreen. And the way I was chipping and putting, I might as well have been wearing a SPF 50 bag over my head. Oy. It’s just way too early in the day to drown my sorrows with a single malt scotch, so instead I’ve penned a new rendition of ZZ Top’s “Can’t Stop Rockin’”… I heard about sunblock for some time, you know. It's easy to do when you’ve C in mole. Makes you want to pale up, makes you wanna prove you’re neat. No matter how it's done you know it can't be beat. 'Cause I can't stop blockin', no, I can't stop blockin'. Well, I can't stop blockin', baby, lest I lose my hide. Somebody said pale’s wrong but I know it's all right, when C really hits you like a shot in the night. I'm never gonna stop as long as I can’t braise. Listen to me now, can't you hear me say, I can't stop blockin', no, I can't stop blockin'. Well, I can't stop blockin', baby, lest I lose my hide. I like to work it down low, I like to work it to the top. And when I start blockin' I ain't never gonna stop. Get yourself loose, get yourself high. I love to feel the lotion and I'm tellin' you why. 'Cause I can't stop blockin', no, I can't stop blockin'. No, I can't stop blockin’ no matter what they do do do do do or say. No matter what you do do do do do or say, no no.

Hell's Bells

Don’t get me wrong, I really do appreciate the melanoma education efforts of all of the melanoma nonprofit organizations, both large and small. Nevertheless, since checking into The Hotel Melanoma in ’03, I’ve gradually come to the firm conviction the most effective awareness building work is being done by real people who actually have melanoma (whether directly or through a loved one). We share our unedited stories with anyone who will listen, we drag friends and family members to those fundraising events that support the work of the nonprofits, and we do our best to disseminate melanoma education material from the nonprofits that almost nobody outside The Hotel Melanoma would otherwise see. I know from personal experience that it isn’t easy or comfortable for any cancer warrior to ‘come out of the closet’ and talk openly and honestly about life at The Hotel Carcinoma. So for each and every one of you melahomies who are talking about melanoma this Melanoma Awareness Month and working to send this black beast down the highway to hell, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of AC/DC’s ‘Hell’s Bells”… I’m a rolling thunder, pourin’ pain. I’m comin' down like a hurricane. My lightning's flashing across the sky. You're stalking young and you're gonna die. I won't take no prisoners, won't spare yo’ life. Mole buddy’s putting up a fight. I got my bell, I’m gonna take you to hell. I’m gonna get ya, Satan’s in ya. Hell's Bells! Yeah, Hell's Bells! You got me ringin' Hell's Bells! My temperature's high, Hell's Bells! I'll give you black sensations up and down your spine. Since you're into evil you're no friend of mine. See my white hide flashing as I pick a fight. 'Cause tan bed’s on the left, And I'm stickin' to the right. I won't take no prisoners, won't spare yo life. Mole buddy’s puttin' up a fight. I got my bell, I'm gonna take you to hell. I'm gonna get ya, Satan’s in you. Hell's Bells! Yeah, Hell's Bells! You got me ringin' Hells Bells! My temperature's high, Hell's Bells! Hell's Bells! Yeah, Hell's Bells! You got me ringin' Hells Bells! My temperature's high, Hell's Bells! Hell's Bells, Satan's comin' to you. Hell's Bells, he's ringing them now. Hell's Bells, the temperature's high. Hell's Bells, across the sky. Hell's Bells, we’re takin' you down. Hell's Bells, we’re draggin you around. Hell's Bells, gonna pick a fight. Hell's Bells, there's no place to hide, yeah. Ow, ow, ow, ow. Hell's Bells!

Melanistas Rule

I think it’s fair to say that the grassroots community of folks who actually have melanoma (directly or though a loved one) made it quite clear to the American Academy of Dermatology that we really don’t like anyone messin’ with our designated cancer awareness color, BLACK. Having given AAD a pretty hard time myself over their ‘SPOT Cheetos’ campaign, it’s high time I acknowledged some things AAD is doing so very right. AAD and its member physicians are performing a huge public health service by supporting legislation that would restrict the use of tanning beds by kids under age 18 and refuting the quack science claims of the tanning coffin industry that their product is a safe source of vitamin D. So for that, I thank you. But I just couldn’t resist doing one more song, to the tune of AC/DC’s “Girl’s Got Rhythm”… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt6RhEWMRFc I look around C world. I see some brilliant derms. But ain't one of them got. What my maties we’ve got. We’re stealin' the spotlight. Knocks me off my feet. We’re enough to start a landslide. Just a walkin' down the street. Wearing tutus so right. And looking dynamite. I like to style me out. No doubt about it can live without it. The derms got whippin’. The derms got whippin’. They got the black peeps whippin’. The derms got whippin’. C's like a lethal brand. Too deep for any tan. C gives me first degree. C really terrifies me. Drug me till I'm witless. Aching and sore. Enough to stop a freight train. Or start the Third World War. You know I'm losin' sleep. That it’s in too deep. Like my body needs blood. No doubt about it can live without it. The derms got whippin’. The derms got whippin’. They got the black peeps whippin’. The derms got whippin’. You know C moves like sin. And then C’s not ‘just skin’. It likes foolin’ drugs. No doubt about it can live without it. The derms got whippin’. The derms got whippin’. They got the black peeps whippin’. The derms got whippin’. You know they really got the whippin’. They got the black peep’s whippin’. Rock 'n' roll whippin’. The derms got whippin’.

A Man In Black

Some times, and my wife might say all of the time, I’m pretty slow on the uptake. For days and days, for the life of me I couldn’t understand why one certain medical organization would pick a happy and vibrant color, say it’s about promoting melanoma awareness, and then blow off negative feedback from the melanoma patient community. I mean, what healthcare organization with a lick of common sense would tell the breast cancer community to wear turquoise in October? Maybe it was the registered trademark symbol that provided a clue, but it finally dawned on me yesterday that this expensive marketing campaign has nearly nothing to do with increasing melanoma awareness and everything to do with increasing brand awareness for this organization and its doctor-members. “Melanoma Monday” is just a convenient vehicle for what it’s really all about: self-promotion. Oh well, the folks who actually have melanoma (and I include here the caregivers who ‘have it’ indirectly through their loved ones, living and dead) will be wearing black, not just today but throughout this Melanoma Awareness Month of May. And not as a “fashion statement”, but as a symbol and conversation starter for what we really want to talk about: that melanoma is a potentially deadly beast, but the risk of getting it can be significantly reduced by staying out of those tanning coffins and using a bit of common sense sun protection when enjoying outdoor activities. One of my melahomies referred yesterday to “going full Johnny Cash” in his outfit for today, so I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Man In Black”… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iXRmJyIyJbM Well, you wonder why I always dress in black, Why you never see bright colors on my back, And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone. Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on. I wear the black for the orange tan, the freakin’ clown, Livin' in the hopeless, leathered hide of brown, I wear it for the survivor who has long paid for his fries, But’s still scared because he's a victim of sun lies. I wear the black for those who never read, Or listened to the words their mother said, About the road to scanning mess through sunnin’ rare UVs, Why, you'd think she's talking straight to you and me. Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose, With our heap of frightnin’ scars and tan-free moles, But just so we're reminded of the ones who were left back, Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black. I wear it for the sick on a lonely road, For the fearless ones whose bad drips are so bold, I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been, Each week we lose a hundred fine young friends. And, I wear it for the thousands who have died, Believin' that next drug could turn the tide, I wear it for another hundred thousand who tan fried, Believin' that C’s all just on their hide. Well, there's things that never will be right I know, And things need changin' everywhere you go, But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right, You'll never see me wear a fruit of fright. Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day, And tell the world that every skin’s OK, But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back, 'Til things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.

Paint It Black

As near as I can tell, the American Academy of Dermatology’s “Spot Orange For Melanoma Monday” campaign is proving to be about as popular with the melanoma community as telling a bunch of Irish-Americans to wear pink at next year’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Please join us on Melanoma Black Monday, May 6, and paint it black! From the one and only Rolling Stones... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6d8eKvegLI I see the orange bores and I want them painted black. No colors anymore I want them to turn black. I see the derms walk by dressed in their doctor clothes. I have to turn my head until awareness grows. I see long line of scars and they're all tainted black. With warriors and my sun both never to come back. I see people turn their heads and quickly look away. Like the U-born Black C it just happens every day. I look inside myself and see my heart’s with black. I see an orange hoard and must have it painted black. Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to raise greenbacks. It's not easy palin' up when your whole world is black. No more will my mean C go turn a Cheeto hue. I could not foresee this thing happening to you. If I block hard enough until the settin’ sun. My docs will laugh at C before the mournin' comes. I see the orange bores and I want them painted black. No colors anymore I want them to turn black. I see the derms walk by dressed in their doctor clothes. I have to turn my head until awareness grows. Hmm, hmm, hmm,... I wanna see it painted, painted black. Black as night, black as coal. I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky. I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black. Yeah! Hmm, hmm, hmm,...

Carpe Maius

Jordan here. It's Melanoma Awareness Month, and the only "fashion statement" I'm making is wearing black. Dogs get melanoma too, although I consider myself a short and furry human. And I don't think I look good in orange anyway. So, since you're probably not as furry as me, wear some freakin' sunscreen and a hat when you're out walking your best friend.

Melanoma Black Monday

With the best of intentions I’m sure, the American Academy of Dermatology is touting the wearing of orange on Melanoma Monday, May 6, and has invited us all to take part in their “Spot Orange” event to promote “skin cancer” awareness. I’m not sure how these good folks came up with this air ball of an idea, but it’s clear they didn’t consult any actual melanoma patients before launching their promotion. Sorry, AAD, but I’m not going to walk around on Melanoma Monday looking like a giant Cheeto.

Please join your fellow melahomies/molemates/melanistas in wearing black on Melanoma Monday. The official facebook page for Melanoma Black Monday, a counter-cultural event for people who actually have melanoma (and their loved ones and friends) and wish to promote awareness of a potentially deadly disease that “isn’t just skin cancer” by wearing our real awareness color, is:

https://www.facebook.com/events/313045752156540/?ref=2

On this eve of Melanoma Awareness Month, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Back Where You Belong” from .38 Special…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz6l0KsgM5s




I heard you're asking how I'm feeling
I guess I'll play it day by day
I'm still around now, my parts are healing
But something's never gonna change
'Cause now I know cure ain't easy to find
I used to glow, now I'm saving my hide

I know that cures, they don't come easy
We’ve looked so long, it's been hard to find
So love, you must believe me
Ain't gonna get it snipped away
I know I was wrong
I want you black where you belong
Want you black where you belong
Black where you belong

I laid around now, I've done some peeling
I found that sun could leave skin through
And so U’s gone now, my head is healing
Don't wanna be that son sun-hued
And so I go, with sunscreening to hide me
'Cause I know what I'm leaving behind

I know that cures, they don't come easy
We’ve looked so long, it's been hard to find
So love, you must believe me
Ain't gonna get it snipped away
I know I was wrong
I want you black where you belong
Want you black where you belong
Black where you belong

I guess sometimes I stop and think it’s over
Everything that I’ve been through
These parts of mine may never find another
Who bugs me just the way mel do
Hey mates

I heard you're asking how I'm feeling
I guess I'll play it day by day
I'm still around now, my parts are healing
But something's never gonna change
'Cause now I know cure ain't easy to find
I used to glow, now I'm saving my hide

I know that cures, they don't come easy
We’ve looked so long, it's been hard to find
So love, you must believe me
Ain't gonna get it snipped away
I know I was wrong
I want you black where you belong
Black where you belong, hey, hey

I know that cures, they don't come easy
We’ve looked so long, it's been hard to find
And so love, you must believe me
Ain't gonna get it snipped away, baby

The First Cut Is The Deepest

Dr. Death, my favorite melanoma oncologist, has kicked me halfway to the curb. I’ve apparently become boring enough as a patient that he thinks he now needs to see me only once a year, with a visit to the hospital’s dermatology clinic six months in between our annual soirees.

I’m not real happy with this idea, although I’m not entirely sure why. Maybe it’s because I think I have more than enough docs on my payroll already and I don’t need to add to my collection of doctor cards. Or it could be that I haven’t seen a dermatologist since I was a teenage jock wannabe with athlete’s foot and have the mistaken opinion these guys are “just skin doctors” I’d go see to fix a tattoo mistake. Perhaps I’m just pissed that I couldn’t get an appointment until mid-June, while Dr. Death would see me tomorrow if I thought I might have a problem.

But I’ll do as I’m told and give them a tryout. All I know for sure is that if I show up and “Spot Orange” in this clinic or they want to biopsy every abnormal mole on my old unprepossessing carcass, there’s gonna be trouble.

To the tune of Rod Stewart’s “First Cut Is The Deepest”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9pnRjLfVWc



I would have given U all of my parts
But there's someone who's warned me that’s smart
Black C’s taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll hide from sun again
Baby I'd try to sun again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky I’m first
When it come to sunning me C’s worse

I still want U by my hide
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want I'll hide from sun again
Baby I’d try to sun again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky I’m first
When it come to sunning me C’s worse

I still want U by my hide
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
’Cause if you want I'll hide from sun again
Baby I'd try to sun again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky I’m first
When it come to sunning me C’s worse

Feel Like A Number

I suspect that everyone living at The Hotel Carcinoma sometimes feels like a number. Soon after our check-in, we’re given a stage number for our cancer. We hear survival statistics. There are numbers for our tumor classifications and dimensions. We experience extended wait times in various departments of our cancer treatment centers that are reminiscent of our last visit to the drivers license bureau (“now serving customer number 64”). A sticker with our clinic patient number is affixed to every blood vial, tissue specimen container, and paper form or report our case generates; and even to us when wearing those lovely wristbands. And don’t even think about contacting the claims department of your health insurer if you’re not prepared to enter your group and patient identification numbers into an automated call answering system.

I wonder if I’ll be given a scanable bar code tattoo the next time I check into a hospital.

So each and every time a health care provider refers to and deals with me as a person with a name, rather than as the “needle biopsy in examination room three”, I really do appreciate the respite, however brief, from feeling like a case with a number. Fortunately, it happens quite often because it seems the vast majority of doctors, nurses and technicians working at cancer treatment centers are genuinely nice people who truly care about we patients. For most of these good folks, we’re people, not procedures. We’re names, not numbers. And for that, I’m thankful.

But for every medic who’s referred to me in my conscious and sentient presence as “the patient”, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Bob Seger’s “Feel Like A Number”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1FRvwJP1pk



I take my card and I stand in line
To see the docs I wait overtime
Feared collectors keep calling for the kale
I work my Black ‘til I’m racked with pain
Some docs can't even recall my name
I show up late and beat docs
It never fails
I feel like just another
Spoke in C’s great big wheel
Like a tiny blade of grass
In C’s great big field
To surgeons I'm just another mole
To tan shills I'm just ‘skin cancer’s’ toll
I'm just another statistic on a sheet
To preachers I'm just a face on aisle
To my Blue Cross I’m just another file
I'm just another lost census ‘til C’s beat

Gonna cruise out of C city
Head down to the sea
Gonna shout out at the ocean
Hey it's me
And I feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like a stranger
A stranger in strange land
I feel like a number
I'm not a number
I'm not a number
Dammit I'm a man
I said I'm a man

Gonna cruise out of C city
Head down to the sea
Gonna shout out at the ocean
Hey it's me
And I feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like a stranger
A stranger in strange land
I feel like a number
I'm not a number
I'm not a number
Dammit I'm a man
Feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like…

Color Wars

The cancer awareness game reminds me more than a little of the color wars competitions some us participated in at summer camp and the like. Like it or not, we’re competing to win the public’s attention and the money that attention brings to our causes. And we bond with our teammates and grow quite proud and fond of our official team awareness colors.

One of the reasons wearing orange rather than black on May 6, Melanoma Monday, isn’t going to work for me is that I associate orange with a really tacky fake tanning job. (Try entering the words “orange tan” into your favorite search engine and see what truly frightful images you’ll find.) I suspect that Coppertone QT self-tanning lotion has been improved in the forty years or so since I last applied it, but that stuff could leave you looking like a tie-dyed Denver Broncos jersey from the 60’s.

But, oh well, I’ve ranted and pontificated more than enough on this subject so I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Orange Crush” from R.E.M.…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToVIlrfpBAA



Follow me, don black with me
I've got my spine, I'm not an orange crush
Hear our plea, don't color me
I've got my pride, I'm not an orange crush
We are agents of our C
I've had my sun and now its time to
Serve your conscience over C (Black’s our C, not ‘just skin C’)
Coming in fast, over me

Follow me, don black with me
I've got my spine, I'm not an orange crush
Hear our plea, don't color me
I've got my pride, I'm not an orange crush
We are agents of our C
I've had my sun and now its time to
Serve your conscience over C (Black’s our C, not ‘just skin C’)
Coming in fast, over me

Fry on the roof
Skin like blood,
Another one braised on sun waves tonight,
Sunnin’s in, you're told.

Need mir’cles and need mir’cles and need mir’cles from docs to consider and
lowered on co-payments jacked up all the bucks jacked up and
our spiels to rush and orange crush won’t cut it and all this here Hotel
hell any Hotel it's just like ‘heaven’ here and I was remembering and I
was just in a different country and all then this whirly world that I
headed for I had my nodules pulled off I knew it all I knew every black
mole and every derm doc

Follow me, don black with me
I've got my spine, I'm not an orange crush
Hear our plea, don't color me
I've got my pride, I'm not an orange crush
We are agents of our C
I've had my sun and now its time to
Serve your conscience over C (Black’s our C, not ‘just skin C’)
Coming in fast, over me

Fry on the roof
Skin like blood,
Another one braised on sun waves tonight,
Sunnin’s in, you're told.

Fry on the roof
Skin like blood,
Another one braised on sun waves tonight,
Sunnin’s in, you're told.

The Problem Child

The Skin Cancer Foundation’s website includes a very informative summary of some basic facts about the three major classes of “skin cancer”-- basal cell carcinoma (BCC), squamous cell carcinoma (SCC), and melanoma.  (See http://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information)  In a nutshell:

■  “Usually caused by a combination of cumulative UV exposure and intense, occasional UV exposure, BCC can be highly disfiguring if allowed to grow, but almost never spreads (metastastasizes) beyond the original tumor site. Only in exceedingly rare cases can BCC spread to other parts of the body and become life-threatening.  There are an estimted 2.8 million cases of BCC diagnosed in the US each year.”

■  “SCC is mainly caused by cumulative UV exposure over the course of a lifetime. It can become disfiguring and sometimes deadly if allowed to grow. An estimated 700,000 cases of SCC are diagnosed each year in the US, resulting in approximately 2,500 deaths.”

■  “Melanoma is caused mainly by intense, occasional UV exposure (frequently leading to sunburn), especially in those who are genetically predisposed to the disease. Melanoma kills an estimated 8,790 people in the US annually. If melanoma is recognized and treated early, it is almost always curable, but if it is not, the cancer can advance and spread to other parts of the body, where it becomes hard to treat and can be fatal. While it is not the most common of the skin cancers, it causes the most deaths. The American Cancer Society estimates that at present, about 120,000 new cases of melanoma in the US are diagnosed in a year. In 2010, about 68,130 of these were invasive melanomas, with about 38,870 in males and 29,260 in women.”

The medical profession insists on lumping melanoma together with other “skin cancers”.  And as a recovering attorney with a J.D., not an M.D., I’m certainly not qualified to say they’re wrong.  But a lot of we melahomies believe that we need to differentiate melanoma in our education and prevention efforts, precisely because it is far less common but so much more deadly than BCC and SCC.  (As a teenage sun god lifeguard I was vaguely aware that my excessive UV exposure might someday lead to a “skin cancer” diagnosis, but I didn’t have a clue that it wasn’t easily curable with surgery and was potentially quite deadly in the form of melanoma.)  So when a fine organization with the best of intentions-- The American Academy of Dermatology-- tells me I should “wear orange for skin cancer awareness”  to celebrate Melanoma Monday, May 6, I think they’ve shot an air ball from way outside the 3-point line.  As I see it, wearing anything but black on that day will, at best, dilute our melanoma awareness messages and, at worst, risk trivializing the problem child of the “skin cancer” family.  So I’m just not going to look like I took a dive into a vat of Coppertone QT self-tanning lotion.

Enough ranting, time for some rocking.  To the tune of “Problem Child” from AC/DC…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KMnFmD_-hk

Cop this

I'm hot

And when I'm not

I'm cold as ice

Get out of fry rays

Protect your hide

Or pay the price

Those I want I take

Those I don't I break

And I might want you

With a fling with the fries

I can change your life

There's nothing you can do

I'm a problem child

I'm a problem child, yes I am

I'm a problem child

And I'm wild

Make my stand

No tan’s bland

On my own

Plans for you

It's up to you

The seed is sown

When I want I stash

When I don't I smash

And you're on my list

Dead or alive got a .45

And I never miss

I'm a problem child, ey

I'm a problem child, yow

I'm a problem child

Just runnin' wild, ha ha

'Eh oo

Just watch your step

UV light

C fright

I hunt for youth

Some run

Some fight

But I win they lose

When I need I hide

When I don't I fright

And I don't like you

So say bye fries

While you’re still alive

Your hide is new

 'Cause I'm a problem child, yow

 I'm a problem child

 I'm a problem child

 I'm a problem chi-ih-ih-ild

 Problem child

 I'm a problem child

 And thy doctor hates me

 I'm a problem child, oh yeah

 I'm a problem child, hey yeah

 Problem child

 Problem child

 Problem child

 Problem child

And you've got troubles, if you’re mine

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Woh, problem child

I'm a problem child

Problem child

I always bring trouble/Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

I'm a problem child/Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Problem child

Nerdy White Boy

I guess I’ve always had nerdish interests. One of my favorite law school classes was corporate tax law. As a practicing lawyer, I became fascinated with the minutiae and regulatory maze of banking and environmental law. And this geeky pattern has followed me intoThe Hotel Melanoma, where I find myself getting paler by the day and reading articles on melanoma treatment research that I understand at the level of someone who found high school chemistry to be magic. One of my favorite facebook pages nowadays is that of the MD Anderson Cancer Center’s melanoma clinic. What’s next, a personal subscription to the Journal Of The American Society of Clinical Oncology?

As I continue to proscrastinate on completing my tasks in preparing for an oncoming spring blizzard, I’ll leave you with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Foreigner’s “Dirty White Boy”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUDMy-GplkQ



Hey baby if you're peelin’ brown
I know what's good for U sunrays

Are you worried what your friends see?
Will it ruin your reputation foll’win’ me?

'Cause I'm a nerdy white boy
Yeah a nerdy white boy
A nerdy white boy

Don't like those “Big Black” scars
Don't fry like Hollywood movie star

You want me to be true to U
You don't give a damn what fries do to you

I'm just a nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy

Well I'm a nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, yeah, nerdy white boy
A nerdy white boy

I've been in Hotel since I don't know when
I'm in Hotel now and I know somehow I'll find trouble again

I'm a loner but I'm never alone
Every night I get one step closer to the danger zone

'Cause I'm a nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, yeah, nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, I'm a nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy

C'mon, c'mon boy
Nerdy white boy, white boy
Nerdy white boy, I'm a nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy

Hey I'm a nerdy white boy
Nerdy white boy, yeah, I'm a nerdy white boy
(Nerdy white boy) boy, nerdy white boy, yeah

Some Guys Have All The Luck

I’m not a fan of cancer survival statistics, because I don’t think they mean much when applied to any particular individual. Plus they can cause us to be unjustifiably gloomy about our personal prognosis-- particularly if we don’t fully understand how to interpret those statistics. (See
http://hotelmelanoma.blogspot.com/2011/05/lies-damn-lies-and-cancer-statistics.html.)

Nevertheless, I get the impression from the medics that I, as a Stage IIIc melahomie who’s healthy and NED almost ten years out of biochemotherapy treatments, am a very lucky member of a pretty small club. And there are times, like now, when I’m not entirely certain how I feel about that. But I think I’m mostly just angry. Angry that the state of melanoma treatment hasn’t moved forward a lot farther and faster than it has over the past decade. And angry when molemates I’ve gotten to know and come to care about a lot just can’t seem to catch a break. Why do some guys have all the luck? Oy.

To the tune of Rod Stewart’s “Some Guys Have All The Luck”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK8beW6dGVM



Some guys have all the luck
Some guys dodge all the pain
Some guys get all the breaks
Some guys have nothing to complain

Alone in a crowd, got good drugs, cancer’s cured
and I'm dreaming
The guy next to me has no cure in his arms
My scans are empty
How does it feel when the cure failed for you,
Black C ‘loves’ you
It seem so unfair when there's luck everywhere
but there's none for thee

Some guys have all the luck
Some guys dodge all the pain
Some guys get all the breaks
Some guys have nothing to complain

One drug to take, cancer’s gone and you’re great
Lord let it be free
One drug to try
No one will die from bad UVs
I know I would cry if I ever found out
C was fooling me
Cure’s not just dream, scans are thrill when they’re clean
I am that lucky

Some guys have all the luck
Some guys dodge all the pain
Some guys get all the breaks
Some guys have nothing to complain

Some of my friends have some things that do linger
They have drug ‘fun’
Some ‘fun’ and scares for them, it ain't fair
I got no ‘fun’
My head overheated
I called God and pleaded
There's help when you pray
I called God collect, he always accepts
You have help on the way

Some guys have all the luck
Some guys dodge all the pain
Some guys get all the breaks
Some guys have nothing to complain

But if you were here with me
I'd feel so happy I could cry
You are so dear to me
I just can't let you say goodbye

The Rodney Dangerfield Of Cancers

To a lot of folks who haven’t checked into The Hotel Melanoma, melanoma isn’t a “real” cancer. So many of we melahomies have heard a friend or family member say, when they first learned of our diagnosis, “well thank heavens it isn’t _______ cancer” or “you’re lucky it’s only skin cancer”, which are uninformed but well-meaning statements you’ll certainly never hear from an oncologist.

Because The Pink Nation has done such a marvelous job of raising awareness about breast cancer, it’s unimaginable that a newly diagnosed patient would be told they’re lucky it’s just breast cancer. Maybe we’ll get there someday.  And I think we will.  Until then, all we can do is smile and keep on working together to chip away at the ignorance and indifference.

To the tune of “Stick With Me Baby” from Robert Plant and Alison Krauss…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOuczlD5KBw



Everybody's been talkin'; they say our stuff wasn't real
That it would soon be over; that's not the way I feel
But I don't worry, honey; let them say what they may
Come on and stick with ‘screen, baby; we'll hide from rays
Yes, we'll hide from rays

Everybody's been talkin'; yes, C news travels fast
They said C’s fire would stop burnin', that C’s flame wouldn't last
But I don't worry, honey; let them say what they may
Come on and stick with me, baby; we'll find our way
Yes, we'll find our way

Come on and stick with me, baby
Come on and stick with me, baby
Come on and stick with me, baby

If I Had A Billion Dollars

I greatly admire billionaires who are just about as good at giving away money as they are at making it. A case in point is hedge fund billionaire Leon Black, who along with his wife Debra (a melanoma survivor) co-founded Melanoma Research Alliance. Check them out at www.curemelanoma.org.

Every so often I daydream about winning a big lottery jackpot and starting my own little philanthropic foundation. I’d name it “Rich’s Riches For The Cure”. (Of melanoma, of course.) But unless I actually start buying lottery tickets my daydreams don’t stand even a 1 in 175 million chance of coming true; and there’s just no honest way for a lawyer to get filthy rich practicing law.

But at least I have a song for my daydreams. To the tune of “If I Had A Million Dollars” from Barenaked Ladies…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHacDYj8KZM


 

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you a gown (I’d buy you a gown)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you designers for your gowns (maybe a nice Givenchy or Ralph Lauren)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d hide all your late scars (a nice reliant black ribbon deal)
And if I had a billion dollars, I’d buy cure drugs

If I had a billion dollars, I’d build IV fort in your yard
If I had a billion dollars you could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a million dollars maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.
“You know, we could just go up there and hang out.”
“Like open the fridge and stuff, and there’d all be meds laid out for us like little pre-wrapped dosages and things. They have pre-wrapped dosages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon.”
“Well can you blame them?”
“Yeah.”

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you a cure haute (we need a real cure haute that’s cool)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you an exotic med (yep, like your mama I would free you)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you insurance that pays (maul them lazy insurance drones)
And if I had a billion dollars I’d buy cure drugs

If I had a billion dollars we wouldn’t have to walk to doc’s store
If I had a billion dollars we’d take a limousine ’cause it costs more
If I had a billion dollars we wouldn’t have to be Black’s dinner
“But we would be Black winners.”
“Of course we would, we’d just beat more.”
“And buy really expensive checkups with it.”
“That’s right, all the fanciest C’s gone checkups.”

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you some free meds (we need some real free meds, that’s true)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you doc’s art (A free onc show like he’s your uncle)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you some sunscreen (haven’t you always wanted some sunscreen?!)
And if I had a billion dollars I’d buy cure drugs

If I had a billion dollars; if I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars; if I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars… I’d be Rich!