Time To Pick on Ol' St. Nick

Is anyone else thinking that Santa is way past due for a skin check?  I mean, let’s tick off the risk factors:

· He’s an older Caucasian gentleman of indeterminate age.

· He lives at the North Pole under a depleted ozone layer.

·  He spends lots of time outdoors tending to his reindeer, catching lots of UV rays reflecting off the snow and ice.

·   His face looks like Rudolph’s nose, so he ain’t been wearing sunscreen.

So, Santa, when you drop down my chimney this year there will be more than cookies on your plate.  The ‘derma docs’ will be coming to town and awaiting your arrival, because we really do need you to stick around.  I promise not to peek.

To the tune of John Mellencamp’s “I Saw Mommy Kissin’ Santa Claus”…

I want M.D.’s checkin’  ol' Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe and lights
And he need not fear me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
He can bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep

Well let me tell you that
I’ll have derm docs tickle ol' Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
And what a gaff it could have been
If my Black C would have stalked right in
I’ve got derm docs checkin ’Santa Claus that night

I want M.D.’s checkin’ Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe that night
And he will not see me creep
Down the stairs to take a peek
Surely bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep

Well let me tell you that
I’ll have mole docs tickle ol' Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
And what a gaff it could have been
If ol’ Black C had just got him
I got mole docs checkin’ Santa Claus that night