The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My Red Neck Friend

I’m just so darn grateful to New Jersey’s now-infamous Tan Mom for raising melanoma awareness I could burst. Since she’s done so very much to publicize the health risks of tanning beds I ought to put her on the Hotel Melanoma payroll as its new Director of Awareness Education. (The only hitch is that we don’t have a payroll.) Her latest awareness coup was to prompt NBC’s Today Show to air an investigative report on tanning salons admitting underage teens without the parental consent required by New Jersey law.

With heartfelt thanks to Tan Mom, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Jackson Browne’s “Red Neck Friend”…

Scary leather one
How nice it’s all begun
We’re teaching folks ‘bout sun block
And you're already way past done
Leather one--
Now folks have a clue
Leather one--
Honey, it's all thanks to you

Now your tanning in sun bed’s hootin' up the evening news
Mela’s not our friend, lately we’ve been so infused
Leather one--
Come on and take my hand
I may not have C answers but I believe I got a plan

Honey you bake melanoma and we'll blog on ‘bout your kind
And see if we can't get in touch with some very young friends of mine
But let me clue you in, skin cancer’s “in”
Don’t argue or defend--
Honey let me introduce you as my red neck friend

Well docs got a little list of all those things of which they don't approve
They've got to keep their eyes on you or C might make its move
Leather one--
You really look like wood
Leather one--
I think your damage could do some good

Honey you bake melanoma and we’ll blog on ‘bout your kind
We're going to forget all about C battle
It's gonna be so fine
'Cause you’re our missing link, show tanning stinks--
Eleven on a scale of ten
Honey let me introduce you as my red neck friend

Honey you bake melanoma and your moles don’t look so fine
I'm going to try to sign you up into C battle
And we’ll have fun ‘cuz you'll stop some dyin’
Now honey you’re a tan scare
Lookin' like tan dreams will have bad end
Honey let me introduce you as my red neck friend

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