Resolutionary Breakthroughs; A Year-end Update

I first published the following resolutions about a year ago. Looking back over the year, I must admit that my performance in fulfilling them just sucked…

Be it hereby solemnly resolved that in 2011:

I will stop referring to my clinical oncologist and radiation oncologist as, respectively, Dr. Death and Dr. No;

No matter how early in the morning I may arrive at the “Name of Rich Oil Guy” Cancer Pavilion, I will park in a remote lot and leave the close-in parking spaces to patients who are currently ill;

When checking in for my next MRI, I will not grumble about completing the same form I’ve filled out on at least a dozen or so previous visits to fully disclose that, to the best of my knowledge, I have no body piercings or other metallic objects implanted anywhere in my anatomy;

I will not ask another MRI technician whether she found a brain during the course of my scan, nor will I crack another lawyer joke to a phlebotomist about the lack of blood available for drawing from my veins;

I will refrain from Googling obscure medical terms and phrases and thereby inducing a state of paranoid hypochondria, and, instead, ask the docs to explain stuff in layman’s terms before I leave their presence;

Acknowledging that I never ever would’ve been mistaken on the golf course for Freddy Couples, I shall cease and desist from using the Schwannoma tumor as an excuse for my uniquely ugly golf swing;

And, last but not least, I will be a more patient patient and stop whining about the relatively insignificant collateral damage I’ve incurred from treatments that probably saved my life.

Have a happy and healthy New Year!

Happy New Year!

With thanks to all of you who’ve followed my silly blog this past year, I wish you a Happy (and healthy!) New Year and sign off for 2011 with a new version of the Traveling Wilburys’ “End of The Line”…



Well it's all right, hiding from sun in the breeze
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please
Well it's all right, doing the best you can
Well it's all right, as long as you make a stand

You can sit around and wait for the phone to ring
Waiting for some doc to tell you everything
Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring
Maybe a tumor fling

Well it's all right, even if they say you're gone
Well it's all right, sometimes docs gotta be wrong
Well it's all right, as long as you got something to say
Well it's all right, everyday is thankful day

Maybe somewhere down the road aways
You'll think of me, and wonder what I blog these days
Maybe somewhere down the road when insurance pays
Chemo haze

Well it's all right, even when push comes to shove
Well it's all right, since we got wonder new drugs
Well it's all right, everything'll work out fine
Well it's all right, we're going to the end of the line

Don't have to be ashamed of my scars and hide
I'm just glad to be here, happy to be alive
It don't matter if C’s by my side
I'm gratified

Well it's all right, even if you're skin is grey
Well it's all right, you still got something to say
Well it's all right, remember to live and let live
Well it's all right, the best you can do is forgive

Well it's all right, hiding from sun with your ‘screen
Well it's all right, if you live the life you please
Well it's all right, even if the sun don't shine
Well it's all right, we're going to the end of the line

A Boomer Goes Funky

Another request to go to the dark side of 70’s disco, Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe1ScoePqVA


Yeah, once I was a boomer tanner…braisin’ with a freckled mole tan
I never had no problems, yeah…burnin' though from Celtic lands
And everything around me, yeah…got to start to feelin' so low
And I decided quickly [yes, I did]…to doctor down and check out the moles

Yeah, docs were scannin' and pokin' and fusin' till I’m pukin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted

Spread that funky sunscreen white boy
Spread that funky sunscreen right
Spread that funky sunscreen white boy
Tear down that tan bad and wear that funky sunscreen till you die…
(hey,hey) till you die…yeah, yeah

Well, I tried to understand this…Yeah, huh, I thought that docs were out of their minds
How could they be so ghoulish, [How could they]…twenty-four the hours, a round behind
So still I kept on fightin'…Wow, fusin' every step of the way (Yeah, what'd you do?)
They said, "I must go back there"[Got to go back]…and check to see if things still the same

Yeah, docs were scannin' and pokin' and fusin' till I’m pukin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted

Pay with IV fusin’ white boy
Pay with IV fusin’ right
Pay with IV fusin’ white boy
Lay down and boogie and pay with IV fusin’ lest you die…
Lest you die…(Yeah) Wow, lest you die

(Come on…Play some electrified sunscreen music)

[Hey, wait a minute] Now first it wasn't easy…writin' blogger posts so fine
And rock was getting flaky…I thought I'd have to leave it behind
Oh, but now its so much better [It's so much better]…I'm funkin out in ev-er-y way
But-I'll never lose that feelin' [No I won't]…Of how I learned my lesson that day

When docs were scannin' and pokin' and fusin' till I’m pukin'
And just when it hit me somebody turned around and shouted

Post that funky music white boy
Post that funky music right
Post that funky music white boy
Lay down Tom Petty and post that funky music till you die…
Till you die…oh, till you die

(They shouted, Post that funky music) Post that funky music
(Post that funky music) Got to keep on…Post that funky music
(Post that funky music) and toast that funky music
(Post that funky music) Wanna take ya higha now…

Stay with funky music white boy
Stay with funky music right, yeah

Stay with funky music white boy
Play that funky music right

Play that funky music white boy
Play that funky music right, yeah

An Ode to The FDA

The Food and Drug Administration’s idea of a “fast track” review that led to approval of Yervoy for certain Stage IV patients was a regulatory process that took about five years (and who knows how many dollars). Consequently, one can only wonder how long it will be before Stage III patients have any FDA-approved treatment option other than Interferon, which a lot of our docs think is only marginally effective in delaying, but not preventing, a recurrence.

Faced with a rather grim prognosis after receiving a Stage IIIc diagnosis and my doc’s opinion that Interferon wasn’t likely to significantly improve my odds, I opted for a biochemo clinical trial. It literally just about killed me before buying me eight years to date of remission, and I’d sure like to see some widely available and less toxic treatment options for newly diagnosed Stage III patients.

Clinical trials of Yervoy as an adjuvant treatment for Stage III patients are now underway so, FDA, please “get a move on” and do your job as quickly as possible. Maybe, just maybe, given the dearth of effective treatment options currently available, you bureaucrats ought to err on the side of speed and perhaps grant provisional approval for Yervoy (as you did with Avastin for breast cancer) pending continuing study of its effectiveness? If Yervoy becomes available to Stage III patients sooner rather than later, we just might see fewer melanoma deaths and bring down the drug’s enormous cost per dosage. When all the medical evidence is in, if Yervoy doesn’t prove effective then you can revoke its approval as you did with Avastin as a breast cancer treatment.

I’ll end this rant with a request, a new version of the Bee Gees’ “Jive Talkin’”…



It's just your jive stallin'. You're risking some lives, yeah.
Jive stallin', you’re making me sigh.
Jive stallin', new meds might do good, yeah.
Jive stallin', you’re sittin’ like wood.

Oh, dear ‘crats, you'll never know
Just what you mean to we.
Oh, dear ‘crats, you ask so much;
You're gonna take away my N.E.D.
With all your jive stallin', you're risking some lives, yeah.
Good druggin' might save some more lives.
More options might bring a new day.
It's just your jive stallin' that gets in the way.

Oh, dear ‘crats, you're so good at treating me like fool.
There you go with your fancy trials,
Leavin' me lookin' at that Stage IV cruel.
With all your jive stallin', you're risking some lives, yeah.
Jive stallin', you claim I’m not wise.
Jive stallin', I knew where I stood, yeah.
Jive stallin', new meds might do good.

You know now, drug trialin' is all very fine, yeah.
Jive stallin' just should be a crime.
And if there's somebody you'll love till you die,
Then all that jive stallin' might end loved one’s life.

Jive stallin', you're risking our lives, yeah.
Good druggin' might end Black C cries.
Nobody believes what we pay.
It's just your jive stallin' that gets in the way.

You know now, drug trialin' is all very fine, yeah.
Jive stallin' just should be a crime.
And if there's somebody you'll love till you die,
Then all that jive stallin' might end loved one’s life.

Ooh, jive stallin', jive stallin’, ooh, jive stallin'.

The Best of Your Drugs

Melanoma treatment is horrendously expensive, as my insurance company found out in 2003 when, thank goodness, it (eventually) agreed to pay for 20-some days of inpatient biochemotherapy. A contemporary case in point is Yervoy. It costs the whopping sum of $30,000 per dose, and $120,000 for the standard 4-dose course of treatment. I’m not here to defend the high price tag Bristol-Myers Squibb has placed on Yervoy, but I think the price has a whole lot to do with the many years and millions of bucks in research and development costs involved in bringing a new cancer treatment drug to market with FDA approval.

According to a BMS press release, the FDA’s approval of Yervoy in March, 2011 for treatment of Stage IV melanoma was the result of fourteen years of research and development. The FDA put Yervoy on its “fast track” approval process in 2006, but it still took another five years for the drug to receive approval. During that time, how many Stage IV melanoma patients died who might have benefited from Yervoy but didn’t receive it because they weren’t enrolled in one of the clinical trials?

BMS acquired ownership of Yervoy (Ipilimumab) in 2009, through a $2.1 billion acquisition of a smaller pharmaceutical company named Medarex. It’s been reported that Medarex’s research and development costs for Yervoy through its acquisition in 2009 were just over $300 million. How much additional money BMS spent to bring Yervoy to FDA approval in March, 2011 is, from what I’ve read, a number deeply buried in BMS’ financial statements, which don’t break out research and development costs for individual drugs.

I wish I knew how to make it a whole lot less time-consuming and expensive to make a new treatment drug like Yervoy available to all who might benefit. Somehow, I just can’t believe this is an insoluble problem. As a melanoma patient, I’m not sure I need or want any overzealous protection from the FDA-- because I’m willing to accept the risks that a treatment might kill me and that its effectiveness is promising but unproven when it’s almost certain that the disease will kill me if left untreated or treated by some other drug that is known to be ineffective. I’ve done that once already and I’d bet I’d do it again in a heartbeat. But all I know for sure is that as long as it takes fourteen years and hundreds of millions of dollars to develop a new melanoma treatment I’ll pray that I never find myself uninsured.

I’ll end this rant with my version of The Eagles’ “Best of My Love”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaO-kgG7eCQ


Every night I'm lyin' in bed
Holdin' C close in my dreams
Thinkin' about all the things my doc said
And comin' apart at the seams
We try to talk C over
But the words come out too rough
I know he is tryin'
to get me the best of all drugs

Critical cases in loud clinic places
Look at the days that we’ll give
Wastin' our time on research so fine
Left us so little to live
That old drug crowd
Was like a cold dark cloud
That we could never rise above
And here in my heart I wish you the best of all drugs
Oh C doctor I want the best of all drugs, oh
C doctor, I want the best of all drugs

I'm goin' back in time
And it's a sweet dream
Out in the UV light
But I should be all right
If I just go on screenin'
But every mornin'
I wake up and worry
What's gonna happen today
C sees it its way
And I see it mine
But we both see it chippin' away

You know we’ll always have each other Black C
I guess that’s more than enough
Oh, and here in my heart
I wish you the best of all drugs
Oh, C doctor
I want the best of all drugs
Oh, C doctor
I want the best of your drugs
Every night and day,
I want the best of your drugs
Oh, C doctor we need the best of all drugs
Oh, C doctor we need the best of all drugs..

An Insurance Carol

The Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album just wouldn’t be complete without a song dedicated to the health insurance industry, so here’s my version of “Frosty The Snow Man” from The Ronettes…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tw23pVOBE8s


Frosty, the “no” man
Has a stingy nasty goal
With our claims in line and a dozen no’s
He denies them with no soul

Frosty, the “no” man
Is a computer they say
He is made of “no”
And the patients know
How he’ll end their lives one day

There must have been some magic
In that cold steel bat they found
For when they whacked it on his head
He began to find pay grounds

Frosty, the “no” man
Has our lives in front of he
And we patients pray
That our claims he’ll pay
Just in time for you and me

Frosty, the “no” man
Knew the phones were hot that day
So he said, "Please hold
I’ll let you grow old
Now before I deny pay”

Claims he will pillage
With a mouse click of his hand
Running here and there
All around what’s fair
Saying, "Catch me if you can"

He’ll grind us down
Hopes we give ground
Scheming our claims we’ll drop
And he likes to cause some moments
When he hears us holler, "Stop"

Frosty, the “no” man
Has no hurry till he pays
And he says goodbye
Saying, "I’ll deny,
Please call back again next day"

A Christmas Message From The Chaplain

A guest post from the Hotel Melanoma Chaplain, Rev. Carol Taylor, to the tune of
“Let There Be Peace on Earth”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPH4LRASWbo


Let earth be cancer-free, and may it begin with you,
Let earth be cancer-free, a freedom the whole world through.
With God our Creator, siblings all are we,
Let me walk with my siblings; may they be cancer-free.

Let earth be cancer-free, let this be our prayer right now,
With every breath we take, let this be our solemn vow,
To take each moment and live each moment as we were meant to do.
Let earth be cancer-free, and let it begin with you.

Let earth be cancer-free, and may it begin with you,
Let earth be cancer-free, a freedom the whole world through.
With God our Creator, siblings all are we,
Let me walk with my siblings; may they be cancer-free.

Let earth be cancer-free, let this be our prayer right now,
With every breath we take, let this be our solemn vow,
To take each moment and live each moment as we were meant to do.
Let earth be cancer-free, and let it begin with you.

Merry Christmas

The Hotel Melanoma version of Bob Marley's "Feliz Navidad"...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAGYfc04Mgk


Puh-lease wear skin block,
Puh-lease see skin doc,
Puh-lease check mole spots,
próspero ano y felicidad.
Puh-lease don’t tan lots,
Puh-lease Black C not,
Puh-lease don’t glow hot,
próspero ano y felicidad.

I wanna wish you a tan-free Christmas,
I wanna wish you a scan-free Christmas,
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas,
from the bottom of my heart.

Puh-lease find a cure,
Puh-lease pink endure,
Puh-lease do insure,
próspero ano y felicidad.
Puh-lease wear your black,
Puh-lease plan attack,
Puh-lease donors back,
próspero ano y felicidad.

I wanna wish you a tan-free Christmas,
I wanna wish you a scan-free Christmas,
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas,
from the bottom of my heart.

And please have a happy and healthy New Year!

The Christmas Song

From Nat King Cole...



Tan nuts broasting on a UV pyre
Onc docs nipping at your toes
Drug trial perils being flung in the mire
And docs dressed up like Dr. No

Everybody knows some Yervoy and no scanner glow
Help to make the season bright
Tiny spots with their cells all a glow
Would make it hard to sleep tonight

We know that cancer's had its way
It's loaded lots of meds and medics on our pay
And every cancer trial is gonna try
To see if tumors really blow up and die

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To mates whose cancer's got them blue
Although it's been said
Many times, many ways

Merry Christmas to you...

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To mates whose cancer's got them blue
Although it's been said
Many times, many ways

Merry Christmas to you...

Happy Holidays!

A Christmas greeting from Jordan, to the tune of Bob Dylan’s version of “Little Drummer Boy”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcXW0Se4HMs


Come they told me
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
I had some surgery,
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
My finest sticks I bring
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
To lay before my king
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
So to honor him
A ruff ruff ruff ruff,
When I come.

Double bogeys
Dad golfed, golfed, golfed, golfed
He won some matches too,
A golf golf golf golf
He has no gift of swing
A rough rough rough rough
That's fit to win a thing
A rough rough rough rough
Lost in deep rough
Fun fun fun fun
Shall he play with you?
Handicap stuns
Less will come.

Mom did fly lots
A run run run run
On her employer’s dime
A run run run run
She hit Cancun in Spring
A rum rum rum rum
She runs on treadmill thing
A run run run run
Run run run run
A run run run run
Then she smiles at me
A ruff ruff ruff ruff
Maybe I’ll come.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year!

An Ode To Melanoma

With apologies to anyone who included this song in their wedding festivities, a request from one of my favorite molemates: a slightly warped version of Bette Midler’s “Wind Beneath My Wings…”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9ZMDPf9hZw


You must have been hiding in the shadows,
I never got sunlight in that place.
You were content to take your time, that's your way.
You always lurked a step behind.

So I was the one in all sun’s glory,
While you were the one with all the strength.
A devilish face without a name for so long.
A devilish smile to hide your game.

Did you ever know you caused me chemo,
And everything doctors did to me?
I am still hurting from those needles,
And you put sunscreen upon my skin.

It might have for years gone unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my chart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be bronzing without you.

Did you ever know you caused me chemo,
And everything doctors did to me?
I am still hurting from those needles,
And you put sunscreen upon my skin.

Did I ever tell you I hate chemo?
It’s everything, everything I wish I could flee.
Oh, and I, I got drugged higher than an eagle,
For meds were the wind beneath my wings,
Cause meds were the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, wind beneath my fling.
You, you, you, you were the wind beneath my fling.
Fry, fry, fry away. You let me fry on high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my fling.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my fling.

Fry, fry, fry high beneath the sky,
So high I almost bought long lie.
Dang you, dang you,
Dang Sol for you, the wind beneath my fling.

Tannin' Man

To the tune of “Southern Man” by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0cPE_C-YuA


Tannin’ man
Better keep your head
Don't forget
What your good doc said
Tannin’ change
Gonna come at last
Now it’s cost you
You’re learning fast
Tannin’ man

I saw chemo
And I wear black
Pale white man skin
And SP slacks.
Tannin’ man
When will you
Pay it back?
I learned screenin'
Felt nurse whips cracking
How long? How long?

Tannin’ man
Better ‘screen your head
Don't forget
What your good doc said
Tannin’ change
Gonna come at last
Now your bald head
Is burning fast
Tannin’ man

Jingle Bells,
My hair is grown back now
I'll stop this Black C
Comin' round
Swear by God
I'm gonna cut it down!
I preach screenin'
And tan beds lacking
How long? How long?

Some 'Bad Hair' Days

For all of you feeling a little sparse on the pate due to treatment, a reminiscence from this time in 2003 to the tune of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young’s “Almost Cut My Hair”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXenEK0h6qg


I’ve almost lost my hair, it happened just the other day.
Drugs were gettin' kinda strong, I could've said it was ‘bad hair’ day.
But I didn't and I wonder why, I feel like letting my C flag fly,
And I feel like I owe it to some drugs.

Well, must be because I won’t have flu for Christmas though I'm not feeling up to par.
You know, it increases my paranoia, like looking in my mirror and seeing a tumor scar.
But I'm not givin' in an inch to fear. I promised myself this year.
I feel like I owe it to some drugs.

When I finally get myself together, I'm going to get down in that sunny Cancun weather.
And going to find a place inside to laugh, separate my riff from my raff.
'Cause I feel like I owe it to some drugs.

Mr. Tan-free Skin Man

To the tune of The Byrds’ “Mr. Tambourine Man”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06rGW0AQGiY


Hey Mr. Tan-free Skin Man, lay sunscreen on me
I’m not mole-free and, there ain’t good place I’m going to
Hey Mr. Tan-free Skin Man, lay sunscreen on me
Since my jingle jangle scanning, I’ll come followin’ you

Take me for your trip upon your magic chemo drip
All my clothing has been stripped
And my docs can’t right this ship
And my brain’s too numb to grip
Waiting only for, my brain scans to be comin’ in

I’m ready to go anywhere
I’m ready for to fade
Into my own pale state
Cast your ‘screening spell my way
I promise to go under it

Hey Mr. Tan-free Skin Man, lay sunscreen on me
I’m not mole-free and, there ain’t good place I’m going to
Hey Mr. Tan-free Skin Man, lay sunscreen on me
Since my jingle jangle scanning, I’ll come followin’ you

Infusin' All Night

Just a little lyrical nonsense to the tune of Traffic’s “Feelin’ Alright”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRcib2lcbjw


Seems I've got to have a change of ‘screen
Cause for four nights I’m in the strangest scene
Imprisoned by my nurse, can’t take a spin
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
But someone locked me down and restrained me

Infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin' too good myself
Well, infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin too good myself

But ole Sol sure cooked me to leather hide
And even now I sit and wonder why
But when I think of tans I start to cry
I just can't waste my life I must not fry
Gotta stop believing that tan’s a prize
Cause there's too much to do before I die

Infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin’ too good myself
Well, infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin' too good myself

Don't get too lost in bronze I say
Though at one time I really loved my rays
But that was then and now it is today
Sun’s still up there and so I'm pale to stay
Till' some cure comes along and wins the race
With a NED name and yes a NED grace

Infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin’ too good myself
Well, infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin’ too good myself

Infusin’ all night
I'm not feelin’ alright

Well I hope you’re feelin’ alright
I'm not feelin’ too good myself

I'm not feelin’ too good myself
I'm not feelin’ too good myself

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

David Bowie’s “Changes”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl3vxEudif8


Oh yeah
Mm
Still don't know what I was tanning for
And my moles were running wild
A million cells afleet and
Every time I thought they’d made C fade
It seemed next scan was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face Thee
But I've just now caught a glimpse
Of how this cancer can’t beat our Maker
He’s much too vast to lose that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Turn and face the change
(Ch-ch-Changes)
Can’t hope to be a superman
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Turn and face the change
(Ch-ch-Changes)
Just gonna have to be a different man
C may change me
But I can break free

I watch the doctors extend lives
But never dam the stream
Of life’s impermanence
So my eyes look for the prize
But still life’s days can’t be waste
And these doctors that we count on
As they try to find our cures
Are in tune to our limitations
They're quite aware of what we're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
We’ll embrace the change
(Ch-ch-Changes)
Don't tell us to move on and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
Turn and face the changer
(Ch-ch-Changes)
Where's its shame
C’s left us up to our necks in it
C may change we
But we can break free

Strange fascination, fascinating C
Ah changes are making the race we’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the change)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, come out you Black C molers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the change)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon now we’re gonna live bolder
C may change we
But we can break free
I said that C may change we
But we can break free

Yearning To Fry

My skin tone and hair color are starting to converge, and I don’t much like it. But is that a stupid and petty thing to get bothered about, or what? At least I won’t be looking like a raccoon after a day on the ski slopes this season. Still, I do sometimes miss basking on a sunny deck with an après ski brew without first reapplying SPF 2K and a ball cap. Waaahhhh!

Here’s one to crank up a winter Monday, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers’ “Learning to Fly”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5BJXwNeKsQ


Well I started out down a paler road
Tan is out, cancer’s blown
And my sun went down since I got this thrill
When my scans lit up, my world got still

I'm yearning to fry, but I wear that ‘screen
Spurning brown is the hardest thing

Well the good ol' rays may not return
But my docs won’t yelp and my skin won’t burn

I'm yearning to fry, but I wear that ‘screen
Spurning brown is the hardest thing

Well some say pale will beat C down
Break its heart, steal its crown
So I'm hanging out where sun don’t glare
My scans won’t glow and docs won’t scare

I'm yearning to fry, without sun shrouds
But this ol’ Yup must not brown

I'm yearning to fry, but I wear that ‘screen
Spurning brown is the hardest thing

A Christmas Wish

Just my version of Tony Bennett’s “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIw8GtW3OJY


Cancer’s future is far away
Cancer’s past is past
Cancer’s present is here today
Bring Yervoy that will last

Have yourself a very good prognosis,
Let your moles be right
From now on,
Your tumors will be out of sight
Have yourself a very good prognosis,
Make your skin doc gay,
From now on,
Our surgeons will take moles away.

Here we are from those bronzin’ days,
Happy bronzin’ days of yore.
Fateful tans that were dear to us
Gather fear to us once more.

Through the years we all will ‘screen together
We’re molemates for now
Hang a black ribbon upon the highest bough.
And have yourself a very good prognosis now.

You Got To Change Your Tanning Ways

To the tune of Santana’s “Evil Ways”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdjeQUJwFk8


You’ve got to change your tanning ways… baby
Before oncs start loving you.
You’ve got to change… baby
And every word that I say, it’s true.
You should be ‘screenin, not frying
Tanning bed clown.
You’ll have docs scanning and seeking
And drugging you down
This can’t go on…
Lord knows you got to change… baby.

When you get brown… baby
Your moles will grow and your skin gets old
You’re hanging ‘round… baby
In clinic halls with a doc or two
You’re getting tired of waiting and ‘fusin more rounds
You’ll find some doctors, who will make you come to hate brown
This can’t go on…
Lord knows you got to change

When you get brown… baby
Your choice is stark and the odds are cold
You’re hanging ‘round… baby
With cancer docs and that chemo flu
You’re getting tired of waiting for scan results now
You’ll find insurance, that won’t pay your claims and you’ll drown
This can’t go on…
Lord knows you got to change

Yeah … Yeah … Yeah …

Wake Up Cancer, I Think I Got Somethin' To Say To You

Rev. Carol Taylor, the pro bono Chaplain here at the Hotel Melanoma and host of the Melanoma Prayer Center page on Facebook, has started a completely private online melanoma discussion group. I’m a recovering attorney and have the luxury of saying just about anything I want about melanoma without worries about the potential fallout in my career. Witness this blog, where I’ve said so many things that would’ve gotten me fired long ago. The truth is, if I was still practicing law this blog wouldn’t exist. (My rather frank post about “chemo brain” could’ve resulted in a visit from the law firm’s managing partner and an earlier-than-expected retirement.) And I don’t have to put up the “fortress of strength” front for young kids. But I suspect that a whole lot of residents of this Hotel, guys in particular, don’t feel they can talk openly and honestly about this freakin’ disease and how it’s affecting their lives. So, if you’re one of those folks and would be interested in participating in a private discussion forum, contact Carol through the Melanoma Prayer Center link on the right side of this page.

I’ll sign off with my version of Rod Stewart’s “Maggie May”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvEBgjSAUSE


Wake up Cancer, I think I got something to say to you
It's mid-December and I really am a bloggin’ fool
I know I keep you amused but I feel I'm being used
Oh Cancer, I shouldn't have fried any more
You led me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my health and that's what really hurt

The morning sun when it's in my face really shows my age
But that don't worry me none, still alive is everything
I laugh at all of my jokes, my blog you didn't need to coax
Oh Cancer, I shouldn't have fried any more
You led me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my moles and that's a pain I can do without

All I needed was some meds to lend a healing hand
But you turned into a devil and
mother what a devil, you wore me out
All you did was wreck my bed
and in the morning kick me in the head
Oh Cancer, I shouldn't have fried anymore
You led me away from home 'cause you didn't want to be alone
You stole my health, I couldn't leave you if I tried

I suppose I could collect my wits and turn my back on you
Or steal some sunscreen goo and make a living out of guardin’ pools
Or find myself a Black C mole band that needs a helpin' hand
Oh Cancer, I wish that I'd never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I was bronzed as a fool can be
You stole my health but they’ll cure you any day

Cancer, I wish I'd never seen your face
I'll get on back home one of these days

Looking For A Cure

My oncologist was recently quoted as follows: “The reality is that this cancer will probably find a way around most drugs. Although we are always searching for a cure, it may be more realistic to turn cancer into a chronic disease, like diabetes, that you don’t cure but rather you manage.” The reality is that he’s probably right.

But perhaps the quest for a melanoma cure is like many of the journeys we take in life, towards destinations we’ll probably never reach. Unshakeable faith, the perfect marriage, unconditional love of others, a balanced federal budget and a sub-par round of golf are among the worthy goals we may strive for in life but will likely never attain. Nevertheless, the hope that maybe, just maybe we will is what keeps us plodding and striving along, and to lose that hope would be akin to losing a chunk of one’s human soul. Somehow, the search for “manageability” just doesn’t resonate and inspire. So, please don’t leave your hope for a cure at the check-in desk at the Hotel Melanoma; keep it, treasure it, and, above all, share it!

To the tune of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”…



We have worn blackest ribbons
We have run through the streets
Only for cure for you
Only for cure for you
We have shared
We have blogged
We have roamed those clinic halls
Those clinic halls
Only for cure for you

But we still haven't found what we’re looking for
But we still haven't found what we’re looking for

We have kissed chemo’s lips
Felt the healing in our fingertips
It burned like a fire
This burning desire

We have prayed for help from angels
We have fought the hand of this devil
We are worn from the fight
We are bold with unknown

But we still haven't found what we’re looking for
But we still haven't found what we’re looking for

We believe someday cancer’s done
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
’Til then we’re still running

We’ll break C’s bonds
And we’ll loose its chains
Carry the cross
Of our pain
Oh our pain
You know we believe it

But we still haven't found what we’re looking for
But we still haven't found what we’re looking for
But we still haven't found what we’re looking for

Cancer Doc Rock

To end this year’s Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album (“A Skin-deep Christmas”), here’s one from the 50’s-- Bobby Helms’ “Jingle Bell Rock”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWXqmukiD3U


Cancer doc, cancer doc, cancer doc rock
Cancer docs probe and cancer docs scope
Scannin', examinin’ up bushels of fun
Now the cancer clock starts to run

Cancer doc, cancer doc, cancer doc rock
Cancer docs arrive in cancer doc time
Diagnosin’, prognosin’ is cancer doc’s fare
There’s confusion there!

What a bright time, it's the right time
To rock the night away
Cancer doc time is a swell time
To go scannin’ on a two-scan day

Hurry-up cancer doc, slow down C’s speed
Workin’ around the clock
Shoot Interferon for Black C’s defeat
That's the cancer doc rock

Cancer doc, cancer doc, cancer doc rock
Cancer docs treat and cancer docs meet
Speakin', conferrin’ at cancer doc fair
Academics there!

What a bright time, it's the right time
To rock the night away
Cancer doc time is a swell time
To go ‘fusin' in an IV way

Hurry-up cancer doc, cancer defeat
Searchin’ around the clock
Cure melanoma, a wonderful feat
That's the cancer doc
That's the cancer doc
That's the cancer doc rock

I'll Be Pale For Christmas

A few words of wisdom from Ol’ Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obiqf69MRLo


I'll be pale for Christmas
You can plan on me
Please check moles between your toes
And places sun can’t see

Christmas eve will find me
Where no sun light gleams
I'll be pale for Christmas
If only thanks to ‘screen

We'll be scanned for Christmas
We will plan CTs
Please don’t glow where PET scans show
And turn up cancer-free

Christmas eve will find me
Where no sun light streams
I'll be pale for Christmas
And dreamin’ Yervoy dreams…

The Twelve Days of Cancer

To the tune of Natalie Cole’s rendition of “The Twelve Days of Christmas”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9j5-SWXKhbM


On the first day of cancer,
I had a biopsy
One’s welcome to oncology.

On the second day of cancer,
My doctor gave to me
Onc referrals,
And the report on biopsy.

On the third day of cancer,
My surgeon gave to me
Lymph node scans,
Flimsy blue gowns,
And more fun with oncology.

On the fourth day of cancer,
My surgeon worked on me
Tumor removed,
Lymph node tests,
More referrals,
And more time with oncology

On the fifth day of cancer,
My onc docs gave to me
Five toxic things!
More Ativan,
Ultrasound,
Bad CT scan,
And they say that I’m now at IIIc.

On the sixth day of cancer,
My nurses threatened me
Chaplain’s a-praying,
Five toxic things!
Forms of restraint,
Free Zofran,
Two Code Blue bells,
And more time in oncology.

On the seventh day of cancer,
My onc docs said to me
Black C’s not a-winning,
Still cause for praying,
Five toxic things!
More scary words,
Three-month scans,
Insurance claims,
And more time with oncology.

On the eighth day of cancer,
My surgeon cut from me
Nerve tumor lurking,
Black C not in this thing,
Answer to praying,
Five toxic things!
More pain killers,
Still more scans,
Insurance paid,
And less time with oncology.

On the ninth day of cancer,
My surgeon said to me
Time to be glowing,
That things a-growing,
Radiation’s spinning,
More time for praying,
Five proton hits!
More swelling hurts,
Steroids then,
Insurance balks,
And radiation works for me.

On the tenth day of cancer,
My onc doc said to me
This trial’s a-winning,
Time to be dancing,
Beat odds of living,
Melanoma’s reeling,
Still time for praying,
Five years of Spring!
More six-month checks,
Clear brain scan,
I’m show-and-tell,
And embroidered gown is for me.

On the eleventh day of cancer,
My onc doc said to me
You’ve become very boring,
This trial’s a-winning,
Time for more dancing,
Ipi’s approving,
Zelboraf’s the new thing,
Still keep on praying,
Live is my thing!
More six-month checks,
No brain left,
Insurance stays,
And still stuck in oncology.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Please hear this patient’s plea
No scanners drumming,
MRI’s still not my thing,
No cancer creeping,
No nurses threat’ning,
No days infusing,
No more scans a-glowing,
I’ll keep on praying,
Life’s golden ring!
No CT scans,
No Zofran,
Insurance pays,
And the docs say I’m still NED!

Rockin' Around The Chemo Suite

To the tune of Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6xNuUEnh2g


Rockin' around the IV tree
Let the chemo party stop,
Nasty moles where you can’t see,
Cancer doctor tries to stop,
Rockin' around the chemo suite,
Let those toxic spirits sting,
Later we'll use some sunscreen high,
And we'll do that paler thing.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Tan was folly,
Check my moles and make me jolly",
Rockin' around the IV tree,
Have a happy chemo day,
Everyone testing merrily,
In the new bold B-RAF way.

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear,
Voices singing, "Tan was folly,
Check my moles and make me jolly",
Rockin' around, we’re Black C free,
Have a happy tan-free day,
Everyone screenin' merrily,
In the high SPF way.

If Elvis Could Still Sing

To the tune of Elvis Presley’s rendition of “Here Comes Santa Claus”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wA6KixVCCik

It’s our cancer cause, it’s our cancer cause,
Some times it’s in vain
Komen is pinkin’ and all those runners
Getting all the fame
Black world’s cringin’, pink is winnin'
Black’s not merry and bright
Keep on blogging and say your prayers
'Cause Black’s cause is so right!

Here come tanning flaws, here come tanning flaws,
Right down cancer doc’s lane
Doc's got a bag that's filled with meds
For boys and girls who braised
Hear nurse call bells jingle jangle,
Oh a preventable sight
So jump in bed and cover your head
'Cause Ipi time comes tonight!

Here comes cancer doc, here come cancer doc,
Right down chemo suite lane
He doesn't care if you're rich or poor
He drugs you just the same
Cancer doc knows we're all sun children
Who burned everything bright
So fill your hearts with chemo cheer
'Cause cancer doc treats us right!

Burn those tanning beds, burn those tanning beds
Stop that tanning bed pain
We’ll all rejoice when the pale wins out
And we’re sunscreen ‘born again’
Black C’s death will come for all
If we just sunscreen for life
So lets give thanks to the Lord above
That tanning beds burn tonight!

Cancer Island

For all who are spending this season undergoing treatment, some twisted lyrics to sing along with Jimmy Buffett’s rendition of one of the dumbest Christmas songs ever written, “Christmas Island”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCDWt7aVMVI


Let's go away to stay well
Let's put away bad moles
Let's take a break from Christmas cheer
I know the place to go

How'd you like to spend Christmas on Cancer Island?
How'd you like to spend the holiday all day in chemo suite?
How'd you like to spend Christmas on Cancer Island?
How'd you like to hang your future on a great big IV pump tree?

How'd you like to stay up late ‘cause the nurses wake you?
Wait for nurses to sail in with your dinner in IV’s too
If you ever spend Christmas on Cancer Island
You will never stray ‘til the blessed day your remission comes true

How'd you like to stay up late while the doctors check you?
Wait for Chaplain to sail in with your last rites ‘cause you’re near through
If you ever spend Christmas on Cancer Island
You will always pray for the blessed day your healing dreams come true

On Cancer Island, your dreams come true…

A Yuletide Wish

To the tune of The Beach Boys’ rendition of “White Christmas”…



I'm dreaming of no fried Christmas,
Just like the ones I hope to know.
With no beach babes sizzlin’,
When young folks listen
And fear PET scans all aglow.

I'm dreaming of no fried Christmas,
With every Christmas song I write,
"May your scans be merry, not bright,
And may all your Christmases be live".

I'm dreaming of a pale Christmas,
Just like the ones I’d like to know.
Where the sunscreen glistens,
And Black C’s missin’
’Cause docs learned to end its show.

I'm dreaming of ‘no fright’ Christmas,
With every Christmas blog I write,
"May your moles be normal and right,
And may all your Christmases be bright".

A Voracious, Bodacious Christmas

I completed biochemotherapy treatments a few days before Thanksgiving 2003, and about two weeks or so later my appetite returned with a vengeance. I was looking more than a bit skeletal at this point, so my oncologist’s instructions were “if it tastes good, eat it, and don’t worry about your cholesterol”. I gladly complied. How often does a fifty-year-old guy get a culinary green light from a physician, particularly during the holiday season?

I don’t recall whether a Swiss Colony Beef Log was one of the many, many unhealthy items I consumed during that season of feeding frenzy. But since our Hotel Melanoma chaplain dared me to do South Park’s song about that Christmas delicacy, I just can’t say no…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFhABBXvXDk


Clothing is hung on a thin me
And the snowflakes are fallin’ on trees.
And my wife’s in the kitchen
Making some shots for me.
My brain is covered in fog
And neurons are not alight
But as I stagger through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right

You see, every year the boss man sends us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log.
But the job isn’t around (around, around)
And there's no beef log to be found this year.

Christmas, isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log.
Without those cheeses and meat
I don't think I can get along.
My doctor tries to comfort me
He says 'Here son, have some Ensure'
I freakin’ hate Ensure, seriously…

But what do I see?
Underneath our tree?
In-laws sent a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Just for me! aaah, aaaaah, aaaaaah, in-laws!

Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby
That's what Christmas is all about!
A roly-poly Colony Beef Log, daily
Makes a boomer boy scream and shout!

Deck the halls with with boughs of Swiss Colony.
Fa-la-la-la-la, laa-laa-laa-laaaa! ..sweet!

Just Skin Cancer

Just a little Christmas Polka music-- from Bob Dylan’s Christmas album (yes, he really did record one just a few years ago and I bought it on sight)-- my version of “Must Be Santa”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus


What is a mole that’s long on fright
That's long on fright?
Black C’s from a mole
That's long on fright

What comes around
From the UV light?
Black C comes around
From the UV light

UV light
Long on fright

Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
It’s our cause

What scares you
With a load of dread?
Black C scares you
With a load of dread

What turns those doctors
On their head?
Black C turns those doctors
On their head

Docs on head
Load of dread
UV light
Long on fright

Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
It’s our cause

What’s gonna make
black new pink?
Black C’s gonna make
Black new pink

What makes you say
Think, Think, Think?
Black C makes you say
Think, Think, Think!

Think, Think, Think
Black new pink
Docs on head
Load of dread
UV light
Long on fright

Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
It’s our cause

What very soon
May come your way?
Black C very soon
May come your way

Pink’s got the sponsors
Pay, pay, pay
Black C’s needs some sponsors
Look our way

Sponsors pay!
Come your way
Thin Think, Think
Black new pink
Docs on head
Load of dread
UV light
Long on fright

Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
It’s our cause

Dash it, damn it
Lance it, fix it
Bomb it, cure it
Don black
And witness

Sponsors pay
Come your way
Think, Think, Think
Black new pink
Docs on head
Load of dread
UV light
Long on fright

Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
Just skin cancer
It’s our cause

All I Want For Christmas Is A Clear Brain Scan

From Alvin & The Chipmunks…



Doc: “What’s the matter, patient, you don’t look happy? Why?”
Patient: “Oh, Doc, you know”
Doc: “But you got all those expensive treatments, wasn’t that trial what you wanted?”
Patient: "All I want for Christmas
Is a clear brain scan,
My skin ain’t tan,
Hope my cancer ran!

Gee, if I could only
Have a clear brain scan,
Then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas."
It seems so long since I could play
Jimmy Buffett, lounging on a beach chair
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
If I could only sizzle.

All I want for Christmas
Is a clear brain scan,
My skin ain’t tan,
Need insurance plan.
Gee, if I could only
Have those tan beds banned,
Then I could wish you
"Merry Christmas!"

It seems so long since I could say,
'Hey Bartender, one more Margarita!'
Gosh oh gee, how happy I'd be,
If I could only sizzle (ssssss, ssssss)

All I want for Christmas
Is prescriptions banned,
No more Zofran,
Toss my Ativan.

Gee, if I could only
Have insurance plan,
Then I could wish you
Merry Chris, Chris, Chris, a Happy New Year!"

Run Run Boomer

It’s been snowing here and I’m working on my Grinch attitude in preparation for the Holidays. So here’s my version of Justin Bieber’s-- OMG!!, LOL!!!, brain freeze – I mean Chuck Berry's “Run Run Rudolph”…



Like a lot of boomers you know you’re the chemo kind
Run, run boomer, Black C ain’t too far behind
Run, run boomer, Doctor’s got to make all his rounds
Doctors make him worry, tell him he must take the UV’s down
Run, run boomer ‘cause you’re whirlin’ on a merry-go-round

Said Doctor to his patient what have you been longing for??
All I want for Christmas is a normal mole and no more scars
And then away went that mole a whizzing like a shooting star
Run, run boomer, Doctor’s gonna make C go down,
Doctor’s lookin’ worried, sayin’ you must take some chemo rounds
Run, run boomer, reeling like a merry-go-round

Run, run boomer, Doctor's gonna lose you some pounds
Doctor's says to worry, chemo's gonna give you lotsa frowns
Run, run boomer, chemo's like a merry-go-round

Said Doctor to his patient what would please you most to get??
A normal MRI that will show brain’s well kept
And then away went scanners a whizzing like a Saber jet
Run, run boomer, Doctor’s gonna cause you no frowns
Doctor says “no worries”, sayin’ you can party Christmas down
Run, run boomer cause you’re livin’ on a merry-go-round

Tingle Spells

It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve done some awfully serious posts lately. But not today. To kickoff the Christmas Season here at the Hotel, a new take on Jimmy Buffett’s version of “Jingle Bells”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsVuVByfv2Y


Tingle spells, tingle spells, tingle night and day
Oh, what fun there is to come when your doctor’s on the way, Hey!
Tingle spells, tingle spells, tingle all the day
Oh, what fun is Hotel rum on a Black C scanning day

We're dashing to the show in a high-horse Chevrolet
And o'er the roads we go a-laughin' all the way
The bells on radar ring, they're making police bright
What fun it is to ride and sing our scanning song tonight

Oh, tingle spells, tingle spells, tingle night and day
Oh, what fun it is to run through a cancer center day, Hey!
Tingle spells, tingle spells, tingle all the day
Oh, what fun is Hotel rum on a cancer center day

Few years or so ago I thought I'd take a run to beach in Mexico
I be hangin' in the sun
The radio was loud, the tourists oiled and fried
And all I had to do that day was fry on both my sides

Oh, Tingle spells, tingle spells, tingle night and day
Oh, what fun there is to come on this Hotel’s closing day, Hey!
Tingle spells, tingle spells, tingle for that day
Oh, what fun, we’ll all drink rum when this Hotel’s gone away

Caught In The Crossfire

I expect all of us at the Hotel have heard conflicting opinions from different docs. And even different things from the same doc on separate occasions. And that can and does sometimes drive us a bit wacky.

But as a recovering lawyer-- one day at a time-- I think I may have always been a bit more tolerant and understanding of medical uncertainty. When analyzing legal issues, the relevant facts are rarely entirely known or certain, and they have this annoying tendency to keep changing over time as a matter progresses. The pertinent legal principles and statutes often consist of vaguely worded generalities, and their application to the facts at hand is a matter on which reasonable minds can and will differ. And when it comes to predicting how judges and juries may decide a case, a lawyer might as well be handicapping a high-stakes horse race. Given all of the unknowns of melanoma and the complexity of human anatomy, physiology and biology, how very much harder must it be for an oncologist to predict the future course of this disease and the effectiveness of any of the limited number of treatment options available to halt or slow its progression?

So, I’ve been making a concerted effort not to ask questions that call for my docs to guess. (Call it professional courtesy among two professions that aren’t the best of friends.) And next time I find myself caught in the crossfire of conflicting opinions, I’m going to try to cut oncologists some slack. But that doesn’t mean I won’t whine about it, to the tune of Stevie Ray Vaughan’s “Crossfire”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F73EcycGCO8


Day by day night after night,
Hounded by those Black C frights
Hurry here, hustlin' there,
No one's got a life to spare
Schedule’s tight, nothin's free,
Won't somebody come and rescue me
I am stranded, caught in the crossfire
Stranded, caught in the crossfire

Truth’s obtuse, guessing is nigh,
Check your moles not to die, die, die
Beggin' for quarter, stealin' some time,
Come on can't you see that I
I am stranded, caught in the crossfire
I am stranded, caught in the crossfire

We need to share some kindness,
Some cancer empathy, because
We're stranded, caught in the crossfire

Right the wrong, help the weak,
Always turning the other cheek
Trust your maker, don't be no fool,
Forever mindful of the golden rule
We got stranded, caught in the crossfire
We got stranded, caught in the crossfire
We got stranded, caught in the crossfire
Stranded, caught in the crossfire
Help me

A Beginning, Not An End

As we all know, or will soon learn, life forever changes the day we check into the Hotel Melanoma. Some of those life changes, in a word, bite.

But it seems that quite few of we residents dwell on the bad and, instead, we search for and celebrate the good stuff in our altered lives. We’re thankful for the bonds we share with our new cancer “affinity group”, bonds that are so much deeper than those we share with groups like our college alumni association. (I wonder if some enterprising credit card company would issue us a “Hotel Melanoma” credit card, in black of course, with rewards points redeemable at our favorite cancer treatment centers.) Melanoma reshuffles our priorities and values, and we’re grateful for its kick in the rear. Family, faith, and friends come to the forefront of our lives, where they always should’ve been, but perhaps in the “old days” sometimes weren’t. And we find strengths and abilities within ourselves that we’d never before known were there.

All in all, our check-in day is a beginning, not an end, and the first step in an adventurous new journey into an unknowable future. With apologies to R.E.M., I’ll leave you with my spin on “It’s The End Of The World”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0GFRcFm-aY


That's great, it starts with a skin quake, catch no breaks, some novacaine -
Getting loose in what God made. Eye of a hurricane, listen to your guts churn -
C serves its own needs, regardless of your own needs. Speeding up our clock,
plead, drugs flow, strength goes. Doctors talk in babble, cause fears at night,
much fright. Mired in the fire, we present insurance claims for this medicine for
hire and our claims aren’t light. Find cure, isn't coming in a hurry with this fury
breathing down your neck. Seems my team physicians baffled, pumps, docs in crocs. Look at my slow gains! Fine then. Uh oh, overflow, populating,
flew the coup, but that’s not new. Save yourself, serve yourself. C serves its
own needs, listen to your heart plead. Tell me that it’s captured and it’s
evident in your sights - right. I’m vitriolic, bit psychotic, slammed, fright, bright lights, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of my world as I know it.
It's the end of my world as I know it.
It's the end of my world as I know it but I feel fine.

Six o'clock - scanning hour. Don't get caught in that rush hour. Crash and burn,
return, listen to your guts churn. Medics in uniform and tides turning,
blood letting. Every new round escalates. Radioactive incinerate. Light a candle,
fright’s a motive. Calm down, calm down. Spin that wheel, luck, luck. Uh oh,
this means some fear – cancer’s here. Cancer stage is too clear! A tournament,
a tournament, a tournament of tries. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives
I’ll not decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I tripped some new experimental drugs in trials. It’s Dacarbazine.
Interferon. Interleukin, Vinblastin and Cisplatin.
Chemo party, bones quake, belly screams, boom! It’s symbiotic, bit psychotic,
slammed, but live, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...fine...

(It's time I had some time alone)

A Mole Man

To the tune of the Blues Brothers’ version of “Soul Man”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnaSRhMB_qo


Hummin' to you with a UV load
Good sunnin', I did a truckload
And when ya get it, ha
You got somethin'
But don't worry, new meds comin’

I'm a mole man
I'm a mole man
I'm a mole man
Got no sun tan

Got what I got the hard way
And I got to make it better
Each and every day
So honey don't you fret
Cause you ain't seen nothing yet

I'm a mole man
I'm a mole man
I'm a mole man
Got no sun tan

I was brought up without sunscreen
I learned how to burn before docs could speak
I am music-mated to Woodstock
When I start bloggin’
Oh I can't stop

I'm a mole man
I'm a mole man
I'm a mole man
Got no sun tan

Grab the rope
And let me pull you in
Give you hope
And be your C-free pale friend, yeah
(Yeah) yeah (yeah)

(I'm talkin about a) mole man
(I'm a) mole man
(And you) mole man
(Ah) mole man
(Oh lord) mole man
(I'm a) mole man
(And you) mole man

Hummin’ to you, with a UV load
Good sunnin’, I did a truck load
and when you get it, you got something
don't worry, 'cause cure’s coming
I'm a mole man
Got what I got, the hard way
and we’ll make it better, each and every day
So honey, I said don't you fret
'cause you ain't seen nothing yet
Well grab the rope, and I'll pull you in
Give you hope, and be your C-free pale friend ya ( ya ) ya ( ya ) help

A Word From The Boss

To the tune of Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSgEDKjmT5o


You'd better pale out
You'd better not fry
Better not sprout
I'm telling you why
Cancer docs are making their rounds
Cancer docs are making their rounds
Cancer docs are making their rounds

They’re mapping your skin
And checking it twice
Gonna find out who's naughty and nice
Cancer docs are making their rounds
Cancer docs are making their rounds
Cancer docs are making their rounds

He’ll praise you when you’re ‘screening
He knows when you're fake bake
He knows if moles are bad or good
So you'd better be good for goodness sake!

O! You'd better pale out!
You'd better not fry
You better not sprout
I'm telling you why
Cancer docs are making their rounds
Cancer docs are making their rounds
Cancer docs are making their rounds

Black Friday

Wouldn’t it be great if “Black Friday” was about raising melanoma awareness rather than about searching for bargain prices on stuff we don’t really need? Or what if one of the big retailers like Walmart agreed to donate .1% of today’s sales revenues to melanoma research? Personally, I’d rather have another round of biochemo than go anywhere near my local Walmart or the like on this Black Friday. But knowing that I’m (in a lot of ways) out there on the fruitcake fringe of American society, perhaps there’s a way we at the Hotel Melanoma can co-opt this annual day of shopping frenzy for the benefit of our cause?

I’ll leave you with a new version of “California Dreamin’” by The Mamas and The Papas…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dN3GbF9Bx6E


All my moles are brown
(All my moles are brown)
And my skin is gray.
(And my skin is gray).
I refuse to shop
(I refuse to shop)
On this Black Friday.
(On this Black Friday).

I'll be safe and warm
(I'll be safe and warm)
Since I’m not in this craze
(Since I’m not in this craze)
Melanoma dreamin'
(Melanoma dreamin') on such a Black Friday.

Stopped in to big box I passed along the way.
Well I got down on my knees
(got down on my knees)
And I began to pray.
(I began to pray).
You know we’d love to share in sales.
(love to share in sales).
’Til then I’ll stay away.
(yes I'’ll stay away).
Melanoma dreamin'
(Melanoma dreamin') on one more Black Friday.

All my moles are brown
(All my moles are brown)
And my skin is gray.
(And my skin is gray).
I ain’t goin’ to shop
(I ain’t goin’ to shop)
On this Black Friday.
(On this Black Friday).

If we do some pleadin’
(If we do some pleadin’)
This could be our day.
(This could be our day.)
Melanoma dreamin' (Melanoma dreamin') on one more Black Friday,
Melanoma dreamin' on one more Black Friday,
Melanoma dreamin' on one more Black Friday.

Molemates

We guests of The Hotel Melanoma share an involuntary, yet extraordinary kinship born of shared experiences, hopes and fears. Back in 2003 when things were quite crazy in my own fight with the beast, I was blessed with the love and support of my spouse, family and friends. But I didn’t know a single fellow melanoma fighter with whom I could “vent” or share some dark humor, knowing they’d “get” what I was talking or laughing about because they were walking, or had walked, in my shoes. Consequently, I often felt quite alone in a crowd of well-meaning and supportive, but largely clueless loved ones. And that was entirely my own fault, because I’d made no effort at all to reach out and find a support network of other guests of this Hotel. But, oh my, how things have changed since I came out of my room and met some of the other guests at this place.

With thanks and gratitude to all of my new pale friends and ‘molemates’, here’s a Thanksgiving version of Pink Floyd’s “Us And Them”…



Us, not them
And after all we're more than ordinary friends
Me, and you
God only knows it's not what we would choose to do
Forward we strive for more years
No more tanning hides
In the cool shade we sat, with sunscreen by the vat
Spread from side to side

Black’s our hue
And we know pale’s so rich and pink’s not new
Ups, some downs
But in the end it's only round and round and round
Haven't you heard it's our battle for cures
We Black C warriors cried
Listen son, said those fools in the sun
There's fun for you outside

Down, not out
It can be helped but there's a lot of this about
With, some clout
And who'll deny it's what our fighting's all about
Out of the way, it's a scanning day
I've got things on my mind
For lack of our slice of research’s price
This cancer’s thrived

Take It From Dr. Bob Dylan

To the tune of Bob Dylan's “Lay, Lady, Lay”…


Bob Dylan Lay Lady Lay by FISHNCHIX2

Stay, lady, stay, stay away from those tan beds
Stay, lady, stay, stay away from those tan beds
Whatever colors you have in your mind
I'll show pale to you and you'll look quite fine.

Stay, lady, stay, stay away from those tan beds
Stray, lady, stray, stray from your tan awhile
Until the end of days, let me see you make docs smile
Black C is dirty but your scans are clean
And use the best ‘screen that you’ve ever seen.

Stray, lady, stray, stray from your tan awhile
Why wait any longer for your pale to begin
You can save your skin and look like new
Why wait any longer for the ones you love
When they’re standing in front of you.

Stay, lady, stay, stay away from those tan beds
Stay, lady, stay, stay while your life is still ahead
I long to see you without cancer’s plight
This song’s to preach to you tan ain’t right
Stay, lady, stay, stay while your life is still ahead.

Idiopathy

For the last eighteen months or so I’ve been seeing an eye doc about a retina problem that may or may not have anything to do with anything else. (These visits are sort of a “fountain of youth” experience for me, as I’m probably the clinic’s only non-Medicare patient, and the only guys my age I see there are wheeling their very elderly parents in for cataract surgery or the like.) I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be something in the Hippocratic Oath that prevents a doc from saying he’s clueless about the cause of a problem-- instead, he tells me it’s “idiopathic”, which is doctor-speak for “I don’t know why this is happening”. Look it up.

But, you know, given what could be causing the problem but most likely isn’t, perhaps I should chalk this up as one more thing to be thankful for?

Which reminds me of a song, Jackson Browne’s “Doctor My Eyes”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqFUmo8VVg0&feature=related


Doctor, my eyes have seen eight years
And a slow parade of fears without dying
Now I want to understand

You have done all that you could
To swap the evil for the good without lying
You must tell me if you can

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise for getting toxic for so long

'Cause I have wandered through C’s world
And as each moment has unfurled
I've been waiting to awaken from these dreams
Cancer goes just where it will
I never realized that until I got to reading
That it's sneakier than it seems

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
Just tell no lies
Just say if meds weren't great for me

Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see balls fly
Is this the PRICE for having learned how not to slice

Survive

The Saturday before Thanksgiving is kind of an unofficial holiday for me. It was the day in 2003 I was discharged from the hospital after completing my fourth and final week of biochemotherapy, a week in which things got kind of crazy towards the end. (When a nurse tells you “don’t try to get out of that bed until I tell you to”, please listen.) On Thanksgiving Day, my wife and I joined some good friends at their home for a very fine dinner, which I barely sampled, and after which I promptly passed out on their couch. And it wasn’t due to the good wine I sipped at dinner, dang it. One of our hosts, a rather strapping retired Naval aviator, offered to carry me home (we live across the street) but I refused his kind offer of assistance and tottered home. And thus began the transition from patient to survivor.

Wishing all of you, wherever you are in your stay at this Hotel, a very Happy Thanksgiving, here’s my version of Jimmy Buffett’s “Survive”…



I play my stereo loud
When I'm away from that hospital crowd
Hopin', jokin'
Clowns we all are

Sometimes, kinda get real ill
When I receive my latest medical bill
But I’ll claim it, and they'll pay it
'Cause it just helps me to

Survive (survive), stay alive
Will I get it again
Survive, stay alive
Can't say where it ends

Clouds lift and there're mountains below
Been awhile since I've seen any snow
It's chillin', so thrillin', so good to be back

Feels nice, to be home for awhile
Let's swig champagne till we break into smiles
We'll keep fightin', incitin'
'Cause that’s the reason we

Survived (survived), stayed alive
Through the thick and the thin
Survive, stay alive
Where will it all end

But my bags ain't unpacked
'Cause I've got to go back some day
But I know we'll all

Survive (survive), stay alive
Through the thick and the thin
Survive, stay alive
Until it all ends

Oh we'll, survive (survive), stay alive
When will it all end
Survive, stay alive
Will we get it again

A Foolish Man

Just a song today, so dust off your Moog Synthesizer and sing along with this golden oldie, Emerson, Lake & Palmer’s “Lucky Man”…



He made poor choices
Found nurses by the score
All dressed in hazmats
And waiting by the door

Ooooh, what a foolish man he was
Ooooh, what a tannin’ fan he was

White coated residents
They stood by his bed
An old lumpy mattress
On which meds were fed

Ooooh, what a foolish man he was
Ooooh, what a tannin’ fan he was

He came to fight wars
For this cancer can’t be king
Started bloggin’ ‘bout his story
So people would sing

Ooooh, what a foolish man he was
Ooooh, what a tannin’ fan he was

This bullet had found him
His skin looked like old hide
Some sunscreen could save him
But he laid out and he fried

Ooooh, what a foolish man he was
Ooooh, what a tannin’ fan he was

A Pharmaceutical Breakthrough?

Believe it or not, recent medical research indicates Viagra may be useful as an “off-label” treatment for advanced melanoma. Which reminds me of one of my favorite old lawyer jokes: “What happens when an attorney takes Viagra? (rimshot) His head swells.”

And that’s the only snickering joke I’ll make about this potential treatment breakthrough. But you just know there’s a song coming, my version of the Eagles’ “Tequila Sunrise”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws-YqUcD0LY


It's another Viagra surprise,
Spreadin’ quickly around the guys,
We said “oh my”,
He was just a mired man,
Searchin’ for new meds he’d like to try,
As days go by.

Every time when those scans come down,
Not another lonely cell is found,
Black C’s not runnin’ round.

It wasn't just another cancer,
And it couldn't keep from comin’ on,
It stays so long.
Oh and it's a hollow feelin’,
When it comes down to stealin’ friends,
It never ends.

Take another shot of courage,
Wonder will the right meds ever come,
This might be one.

It’s another Viagra surprise,
And this old world don’t look the same,
A welcome gain.

Guessing Our Condition

The only thing that’s certain at the Hotel Melanoma is the fact we’ve been diagnosed with the disease. The rest of our stay is chock full of uncertainty and the best guesses of good doctors. The causes of our disease, choosing docs and treatment options, our prognosis and odds of survival or a recurrence, the biological processes underlying metastasis, you name it, nothing about melanoma is clear or certain. And all of that relentlessly unending uncertainty can drive one just a little bit crazy at times.

But, on the other hand, maybe this is one of the unexpected blessings of life at the Hotel. We now know that all we have for certain is this day and a chance to do something with it-- and perhaps something just a little bit loony. We’ve finally learned that time is, and always was, of the essence. And we’ve lost the arrogant illusion that we’re in control of our lives, and perhaps realized who is and always was.

So, have a happy and full Monday, and sing along with my version of R.E.M.’s “Losing My Religion”…



Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
For distance from your sights
Oh no, docs said too much
They’ve said it all

That's me at the clinic
That's me in the scan sites
Guessing my condition
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, docs said too much
Docs haven't said enough

I thought that I sent you packing
I thought that we had our fling
I think I thought I made you fly

Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I'm losing my illusions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt, lost, misguided old fool
Oh no, docs said too much
They’ve said it all

Consider this
Consider this C of the century
Consider its grip
That brought me to my knees pale
What if all my fantasies
Come falling back down
And now docs said too much

I thought that I sent you packing
I thought that we had our fling
I think I thought I made you fly

This is not a dream
This is not a dream

That's me at the clinic
That's me in the scan sites
Guessing my condition
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, docs said too much
Docs haven't said enough

I thought that I sent you packing
I thought that we had our fling
I think I thought I made you fly

This is not a dream
Try, cry, why, try
This is not a dream
not a dream, not a dream...

'Screen's So Good

According to The Skin Cancer Foundation, up to 90 percent of the visible changes on our skin that are commonly attributed to aging are in fact caused by years of unprotected sun exposure. This old boomer would be ‘Exhibit A’ in proving the truth of this proposition. If reducing your risk of melanoma isn’t reason enough for you to take care of the skin you’re in, think about looking like an old leather jacket or a weathered-out old barn by the time you reach my age. We guys can maybe get away with sun-weathered faces because some folks may think we look “distinguished”. It’s not fair, but a woman with the same appearance may just hear she looks old. I know I’m probably just preaching to the choir today, but please keep encouraging your friends to practice safe sun.

I'll end this homily with a new version of John Mellencamp’s “Hurts So Good”...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dOsbsuhYGQ


When I was a young boy,
Said put away that young boy pale
Now that I'm gettin' older, so much older
I long for those young boy days
With some ‘screen on you,
With some ‘screen on you,
Lord knows there are things we can do, baby,
Just me and you.
Come on and spread it

’Screen’s so good.
Come on baby, makes you look so good.
Sometimes sun can turn you to wood.
You want to look so good.

Don't want to look so like siding.
Just tryin' to save myself a little bit of sun, yeah.
Sun always looked so invitin'
Please use sunscreen so you look young
Hey baby, it's you.
Come on, girl, it’s for you.
Sink that ‘screen right through your bones, baby.
Let's see what you can do.
Come on and spread it

’Screen’s so good.
Come on baby, makes you look so good.
Sometimes sun can turn you to wood.
You want to look so good.

I ain't talkin' no small deal
I ain't saved from tans myself.
I ain't stalkin' no scan squeals
Maybe we could block around all day long,
block around all day long.

’Screen’s so good.
Come on baby, makes you look so good.
Sometimes sun can turn you to wood.
You want to look so good.

’Screen’s so good.
Come on baby, makes you look so good.
Sometimes sun can turn you to wood.
You want to look so good.

Hey, hey

Law Jive

Not that I’d ever get involved in such mischief, but I heard about a number of my molemates peppering a tanning salon chain’s Facebook page with some ‘public service announcements’ regarding the known link between indoor tanning and melanoma. This got me to wondering about the products liability legal issues arising from tanning bed usage, so I did a brief bit of Googling.

Before I “talk law”, let me set a few things straight. I’m a retired lawyer, in a blissful state of “one day at a time” recovery from the profession. I am NOT giving legal advice. Nor am I suggesting that anyone should remotely consider retaining my legal services if I wasn’t retired-- I was to the courtroom what Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife was to law enforcement. And since personal injury law was not what I did for a living, I hereby disclaim having any expertise whatsoever in this field.

But here’s the scoop. Where medical research goes, plaintiffs’ lawyers quickly follow. So with all of the published medical evidence showing a direct causal link between indoor tanning and a greatly increased risk and incidence of melanoma, particularly among women under age 40, it should come as no surprise to anyone that there are a lot of personal injury plaintiffs’ lawyers out there who seem to be quite interested in bringing products liability claims against tanning bed manufacturers and tanning salons. (At least one of these enterprising lawyers has suggested that tanning beds are “the new cigarette”, and class-action lawyers may go after the indoor tanning industry like they did the tobacco industry.) Theories of liability include the “strict liability” claim that tanning beds are inherently “defective”, liability based on the failure to provide adequate warning of the potential dangers of tanning bed use, and false advertising claims based on misrepresentations concerning the supposed safety of indoor tanning.

My guess is that the industry defends such suits with the time-honored “blame some other guy” defense, arguing that the plaintiff’s melanoma was caused by genetic factors and outdoor tanning, in an effort to deflect the medical evidence linking indoor tanning to melanoma. But that’s the stuff of which lawsuits are made.

So, if your dermatologist or oncologist has ever told you they think your indoor tanning history has something to do with causing your melanoma, you just might want to consider seeking a case evaluation from a first-rate personal injury lawyer with experience in bringing products liability lawsuits against the indoor tanning industry. Just sayin’…

A Commercial Break

I don’t know about you, but I kind of enjoyed watching my local NFL team play the other day without the pink shoes and stuff (and actually win for a change). And I couldn’t help but notice that the official awareness colors for November’s ‘cancers of the month’ were conspicuously absent from Sunday’s NFL games.

Don’t get me wrong, pink cancer is a nasty beast and I hate it as much as I do every other cancer. Like nearly everyone, I know women who are fighting this damn disease and my hat goes off (in the shade) to the millions of folks who participate in fundraising events like the “Race For The Cure”. (And I hope they all wore sunscreen during the events.) But I find the degree of commercialization of this cause just a little bit annoying, and perhaps counterproductive, and there are a lot of breast cancer survivors and breast cancer awareness organizations that agree. Does every product that carries a pink ribbon truly benefit this good cause to any significant degree, or is some of this just a rather cynical marketing ploy to boost sales?

But hey, I’ll be the first guy to be ‘tickled black’ in the unlikely event some professional sports organization adopts melanoma next May. (Women’s Pro Beach Volleyball would fall quite high on my list of preferred sponsors.) If that’s the game we need to play, count me all in.

That’s more than enough venting for today, so I’ll sign off with a new version of John Mellencamp’s “Pink Houses”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOfkpu6749w


He’s a pale man with the black C livin' like a black warrior should
He's got a bigscreen tube showin’ all those hits hard
You see he knows that he's got it so good
And there's a lineman wearin’ pink shoes missin' all his assigned slots
And he looks at him and says, "Hey darlin', I can remember when
you could make a block."

Oh but ain't that America where pink’s the creed
Ain't that America nothin’s for free baby
Ain't that America home of the greed
Little pink ribbons that ain’t for we

There's a boomer in a blue gown
Hooked up to a chemo pumpin' station
He's got queasy stare, queasy smile
He says, "Lord this can’t be my destination."
'Cause they told me when I was younger
"Boy you wanna be tanner yet."
But just like everything else those old crazy dreams
Just kinda came and went

Oh but ain't that America where pink’s the creed
Ain't that America nothin’s for free baby
Ain't that America home of the greed
Little pink ribbons that ain’t for we

Well there's people and more people
Where do they go, go, go
Go to hear all those pink cries
And go walkin’ down at the race for cancer blows
Ooh yeah
And there's winners and there's losers
But this ain't no small deal
'Cause the sponsor man baby pays for the thrills, the bills,
the pills that kill

Oh but ain't that America where pink’s the creed
Ain't that America nothin’s for free baby
Ain't that America home of the greed
Little pink ribbons that ain’t for we

There Must Be Some Way Out Of Here

Every time I have a checkup with the melanoma doc, I walk in hoping that I’ll walk out with some sort of certificate of graduation and lifetime warranty that is my ticket out of the Hotel Melanoma. I know that’s not going to happen, but am nevertheless convinced I’d be foolish not to hope. Meanwhile, with another winter storm approaching, I think I’ll hunker down, call room service, and order in.

My fractured version of Bob Dylan’s “All Along The Watchtower”...



“There must be some way out of here" said the patient ‘bout this grief
"There's too much infusion", I can't get no relief
Toxic meds, they fill my line, surgeons look for worst
All of us among our kind know what any suntan’s not worth.

"No reason to get excited", the doc he kindly spoke
"There are many here among us who feel your life’s not lost all hope
’Cause you and I, we've been through that, and this is not your fate
So let us not talk deeply now, more patients and I’m late".

All along these Hotel halls, doctors scanned anew
While all the nurses came and went, barefoot patients, too.

Outside in the distance a pink crowd did howl
Pink runners were approaching, we black began to growl.

“There must be some way out of here" said the patient ‘bout this thief
"There's too much confusion", I can't get no relief
Cancer docs, they think I’m fine, bring me down to Earth
All of us among our kind know what any doc’s guess is worth.

"No reason to get all frighted", the doc he kindly spoke
"There are many here among us who feel your life’s not lost all hope
”Cause you and I, we've been through that, and this is not your fate
So let us not talk falsely now, your skin is looking great".

All along these Hotel halls, patients share their news
Since all the suntans came and went, pale is cool for you.

Outside in the distance a skin doc did growl
Fool tanners were still broasting, our crowd began to howl.

Rollin' On The Sunscreen

Just my version of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Proud Mary”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gpqz3cdVPLM


Found some good docs at the clinic,
Lookin' at those scans ev'ry night and day,
And I never lost one minute of fusin',
Worryin' 'bout the way cells might have spread.

Big Earth keeps on turnin',
Proud boomer stopped his burnin',
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.

Had a lot of scans in Denver,
Pumped a lot of meds down into my veins,
But I never saw the good side of this cancer,
'Til I saved my hide from the UV burn pain.

Big Earth keeps on turnin',
Proud boomer stopped his burnin',
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.

Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.

If you come down to the clinic,
Bet they gonna find some bad moles on skin.
You don't have to worry 'cause those spots look funny,
Doctors at the clinic got scalpels real thin.

Big Earth keeps on turnin',
Proud boomer stopped his burnin',
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.

Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.
Rollin', rollin', rollin' on the sunscreen.

A Rolling Stone

I saw my doc a week or so ago, and heard what I’ve been hearing for quite some time. While everything looks just fine right now, there’s no guarantee melanoma won’t crop up in some internal organ. So, I sometimes wish I could implant what’s left of my brain into an android body and starting seeing a cyber mechanic for maintenance rather than an oncologist. But since that ain’t happening, I guess I should just be thankful for how far I’ve come.

So, I’ll sign off with a new version of Bob Dylan’s “Like A Rolling Stone”…



Once upon a time you tanned so fine,
Had some burns at times in your prime, didn't you?
Skin docs’d call, say, "Beware Sol, you're bound to fall,"
You thought they were all a’kiddin' you.
You used to laugh about
Everybody that was palin' out.
Now you don't talk so loud,
Now you don't seem so proud,
About having to be paler less you squeal.

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
With Hotel M your home?
Like a complete unknown?
Like a rolling stone?

Aw, you've gone to the finest docs all right, you boomer,
But you know you only used to get ‘fused for it.
Nobody’s ever taught you how to go out in sunscreen,
And now you're gonna have to get used to it.
You say you’ll never compromise
With this mystery C, but now you realize
Doc's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And say, “Can you someday make me heal?

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
Hotel M’s now home?
With no prognosis known?
A complete unknown?
Like a rolling stone?

Aw, you never turned around to see the frowns
On the doctors in their gowns
When they all did tricks for you.
You never understood that sun ain't no good,
You shouldn't let tanning salons get their kicks with you.
You used to tan on a chaise lounge with no ‘screen or hat
You bronzed out on your shoulders where freckles sat.
Ain't it hard when you discover that
Tan really wasn't where it's at
After it took from you everything it could steal?

How does it feel?
How does it feel?
Hotel M’s now your home?
With no prognosis known?
Like a complete unknown?
Like a rolling stone?

Aw, pink is on the steeple and all the football people
They're all pinkin', thinkin' that there’s sales to make.
Receiving all precious gifts,
But you'd better wear your blackest things, you'd better flaunt it babe.
You used to be so confused
‘Cause oncologists are drags with the language that they used.
Go to them now, they scan you, you can't refuse.
When you do have something, you’ve got something to lose
C’s invisible now, it’s got some secrets to conceal.

How does it feel?
Aw, how does it feel?
To make C your own?
With no prognosis known?
Like a complete unknown?
Like a rolling stone?