The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Monday, December 26, 2011

An Insurance Carol

The Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album just wouldn’t be complete without a song dedicated to the health insurance industry, so here’s my version of “Frosty The Snow Man” from The Ronettes…

Frosty, the “no” man
Has a stingy nasty goal
With our claims in line and a dozen no’s
He denies them with no soul

Frosty, the “no” man
Is a computer they say
He is made of “no”
And the patients know
How he’ll end their lives one day

There must have been some magic
In that cold steel bat they found
For when they whacked it on his head
He began to find pay grounds

Frosty, the “no” man
Has our lives in front of he
And we patients pray
That our claims he’ll pay
Just in time for you and me

Frosty, the “no” man
Knew the phones were hot that day
So he said, "Please hold
I’ll let you grow old
Now before I deny pay”

Claims he will pillage
With a mouse click of his hand
Running here and there
All around what’s fair
Saying, "Catch me if you can"

He’ll grind us down
Hopes we give ground
Scheming our claims we’ll drop
And he likes to cause some moments
When he hears us holler, "Stop"

Frosty, the “no” man
Has no hurry till he pays
And he says goodbye
Saying, "I’ll deny,
Please call back again next day"

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA! Oh my! I love this one. I have heard "NO" quite a few times from my dear insurance company in this past year. They don't have souls! (Which is why I cried (literally) "How do you sleep at night?!") Growl.