On this cold winter morning at year’s end, I was thinking about mustering up some new resolutions to guide my performance as a cancer patient in 2013. But my past performance in abiding by such resolutions has been rather tawdry. (See http://hotelmelanoma.blogspot.com/2011/12/resolutionary-breakthroughs-year-end.html and http://hotelmelanoma.blogspot.com/2011/04/melanoma-dreamin.html.) So I’ve decided instead to kick that can down the road and, maybe, deal with my issues “later”. Congress does it, repeatedly, so why shouldn’t I?
In 2013 I’ll be taking a cue from my elderly golden retriever and taking life at the Hotel Melanoma one brand new day at a time. Wishing you a very happy and healthy New Year, I’ll sign off for 2012 with a new rendition of Van Morrison’s “Brand New Day”…
When all the dark clouds roll away
And the sun begins to shine
I see my freedom from across the way
And it comes right in on time
Well it shines so bright and it gives so much fright
And it comes from the sky above
Makes me feel mole free makes me feel like me
And lights my life with drugs
And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like yes it feels like
A brand new day, yeah
A brand new day oh
I got lost and double crossed
With my tans behind my back
I was longtime hurt and thrown in the dirt
Shoved out on the pale road track
I've been used, abused and so infused
And I had nowhere to run
But I stood and looked
And my eyes got hooked
On that beautiful morning sun
And it seems like and it feels like
And it seems like yes it feels like
A brand new day, yeah
A brand new day oh
And the sun shines down all on the ground
Yeah and this lass is oh so ‘screened
And my heart is filled and I've got the will
And I don't really feel so green
Here it comes, here it comes
0h here it comes right now
And it comes right in on time
Well it pleases me and it teases me
And it satisfies my mind
Friday, December 28, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Happy Christmas
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of John Lennon’s “Happy Christmas”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN4Uu0OlmTg
So this is Christmas
And not have you sunned
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
No moles on your tongue
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
And so this is Christmas
For warriors so strong
The sick and the IV ones
The road is so long
So happy Christmas
For Black Cancer fight
For healthy and NED ones
Let's stop all C fright
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without UV fear
And so this is Christmas
And not have we sunned
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so Happy Christmas
And we hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
Grow old and stay young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
War ain’t over, ‘til we’ve won it
War ain’t over now
Merry Christmas
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN4Uu0OlmTg
So this is Christmas
And not have you sunned
Another year over
A new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
No moles on your tongue
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
And so this is Christmas
For warriors so strong
The sick and the IV ones
The road is so long
So happy Christmas
For Black Cancer fight
For healthy and NED ones
Let's stop all C fright
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without UV fear
And so this is Christmas
And not have we sunned
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so Happy Christmas
And we hope you have tons
The near and the dear ones
Grow old and stay young
A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without cancer fear
War ain’t over, ‘til we’ve won it
War ain’t over now
Merry Christmas
Monday, December 24, 2012
Let's Show Pale White Glow For The Holidays
For all of you taking a holiday leave from the Hotel Melanoma to head for the ski slopes or someplace warm and sunny, here’s my take on Perry Como’s “Home For The Holidays”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHDgzQ6eQw4
Oh! There’s no bakin’ moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how scarred today you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine and some ‘friendly’ rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
I met a man who lives to fricassee, he was heading for,
Yervoy mania and some mole mate facebook likes!
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! There’s no grace for moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how pale today your tone,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an aeroplane,
Put the wife an’ kiddies in the family car!
For the pleasure of your skin when you fake that skin bronze thing,
No ‘screen should be sub par!
I met a man who lives to bake by sea, he was headin’ for,
Surgeon mania and a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!
(a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!)
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! Let’s show pale white glow for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHDgzQ6eQw4
Oh! There’s no bakin’ moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how scarred today you roam,
When you pine for the sunshine and some ‘friendly’ rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
I met a man who lives to fricassee, he was heading for,
Yervoy mania and some mole mate facebook likes!
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! There’s no grace for moles for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how pale today your tone,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
Take a bus, take a train, go and hop an aeroplane,
Put the wife an’ kiddies in the family car!
For the pleasure of your skin when you fake that skin bronze thing,
No ‘screen should be sub par!
I met a man who lives to bake by sea, he was headin’ for,
Surgeon mania and a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!
(a mole-crazed sunned skin slice!)
From tanning mania folks are travellin’
Down the risky sun C road,
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee the traffic is horrific!
Oh! Let’s show pale white glow for the holidays,
‘Cause no matter how far away you roam,
If you wanna be happy in a million rays,
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
For the holidays you must ‘screen moles sweet moles!
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Death By A Thousand Cuts
I’m often a little puzzled by the search keywords that lead unsuspecting ‘net surfers to my blog. For example, one of today’s hits came from the search “freckles dermatologist”. I’ve really no idea what this searcher was looking for, but please allow me to attempt to respond from my own somewhat warped perspective.
As a boomer guy of Celtic descent who has spent too much unprotected time outdoors, my sun-weathered carcass displays a plethora of freckles, dark spots, moles, wrinkles etc. Quite a few of my spots are a bit suspicious/abnormal in appearance. With a history of Stage IIIc melanoma treated by surgery and adjuvant biochemotherapy (NED since 2003!), I think that if I were to get into the hands of an overzealous dermatologist, who’s perhaps a bit too interested in making more money by doing more billable procedures, I’d be suffering a slow death by multiple biopsies and stressful waiting for pathology reports.
So my choice has been to be watched, both externally and internally, by a melanoma oncologist in the “Cutaneous Oncology” department of my favorite university hospital cancer center. Frankly, we’ve both been a whole lot more concerned since 2003 about an internal recurrence than a new primary melanoma tumor. But if he were to be concerned about any of my ubiquitous spots, he wouldn’t hesitate to send me down the hall to the Dermatology department for a second opinion. (He’s told me more than once, “I’m not a dermatologist, I just play one on TV”.) The plan going forward is to see one of his dermatology colleagues in between my regular oncology checkups that can now be an annual event. And I certainly pay close attention to any spot that might be new or changing.
As near as I can tell, there’s no single “right way” or “standard protocol” for exactly how someone like me ought be watched for an external melanoma recurrence and who ought to be doing it. Like so many things melanoma, it’s a judgment call. “One stop shopping” at my university hospital cancer center is just the right choice for me. So do what’s right for you, with docs with expertise in melanoma diagnosis (and other cutaneous cancers) and in whom you have trust and confidence.
I’ll sign off with one more for the Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album, to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” from Harry Connick, Jr.…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n1UuDFfeGA
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Everywhere I’ve moles
Take a look at my hide and then, check it all once again
With path lab stains and silver lights aglow.
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Docs on every floor
But the prettiest sight to see is the jolly that will be
On my path reports.
Some hair of new growin’ roots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Docs that will talk and will go cancer block
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for trials to start for them.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
As a boomer guy of Celtic descent who has spent too much unprotected time outdoors, my sun-weathered carcass displays a plethora of freckles, dark spots, moles, wrinkles etc. Quite a few of my spots are a bit suspicious/abnormal in appearance. With a history of Stage IIIc melanoma treated by surgery and adjuvant biochemotherapy (NED since 2003!), I think that if I were to get into the hands of an overzealous dermatologist, who’s perhaps a bit too interested in making more money by doing more billable procedures, I’d be suffering a slow death by multiple biopsies and stressful waiting for pathology reports.
So my choice has been to be watched, both externally and internally, by a melanoma oncologist in the “Cutaneous Oncology” department of my favorite university hospital cancer center. Frankly, we’ve both been a whole lot more concerned since 2003 about an internal recurrence than a new primary melanoma tumor. But if he were to be concerned about any of my ubiquitous spots, he wouldn’t hesitate to send me down the hall to the Dermatology department for a second opinion. (He’s told me more than once, “I’m not a dermatologist, I just play one on TV”.) The plan going forward is to see one of his dermatology colleagues in between my regular oncology checkups that can now be an annual event. And I certainly pay close attention to any spot that might be new or changing.
As near as I can tell, there’s no single “right way” or “standard protocol” for exactly how someone like me ought be watched for an external melanoma recurrence and who ought to be doing it. Like so many things melanoma, it’s a judgment call. “One stop shopping” at my university hospital cancer center is just the right choice for me. So do what’s right for you, with docs with expertise in melanoma diagnosis (and other cutaneous cancers) and in whom you have trust and confidence.
I’ll sign off with one more for the Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album, to the tune of “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas” from Harry Connick, Jr.…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n1UuDFfeGA
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Everywhere I’ve moles
Take a look at my hide and then, check it all once again
With path lab stains and silver lights aglow.
It's beginning to look a lot like skin stuff
Docs on every floor
But the prettiest sight to see is the jolly that will be
On my path reports.
Some hair of new growin’ roots and a pistol that shoots
Is the wish of Barney and Ben
Docs that will talk and will go cancer block
Is the hope of Janice and Jen
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for trials to start for them.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the Mel Hotel, glows in the dark so swell,
The IV kind that does a drip so slow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Soon the meds will start,
And the thing that will make them zing
Is the cure song that you sing right within your heart
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Blue Christmas
Here’s one for all of you in the Paler Nation who are still missing the old days of fun in the sun without wearing a SPF hazmat suit and copious amounts of SPF 2K sunscreen. To the tune of Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas”…
I’ll have a blue Christmas without U
I’ll be so blue just thinking about U
Med libations of dread on a twin IV tree
Won’t be a sane year, when oncs are near to me
And when those U glow days start mauling
That's when those U memories start calling
I’ll be ‘screenin’ all hide, with my skin tone of white
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas
I’ll be hidin’ in fright, with my skin tone of white,
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue blue Christmas
I’ll have a blue Christmas without U
I’ll be so blue just thinking about U
Med libations of dread on a twin IV tree
Won’t be a sane year, when oncs are near to me
And when those U glow days start mauling
That's when those U memories start calling
I’ll be ‘screenin’ all hide, with my skin tone of white
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas
I’ll be hidin’ in fright, with my skin tone of white,
And I'll have a blue, blue blue blue blue Christmas
Monday, December 17, 2012
Merry Christmas, Baby
My recent adventure with a couple of biopsies involved a cast of mostly young and female licensed health care professionals. Which is just fine with me because they all treat me so nice, kind of like I’m their ornery old uncle. I’ve apparently reached the “cute old man” phase of life and, at least as a patient, I’m willing to work with it.
For all of you nice young ladies who did a lot of needling, cutting and stitching on my unattractive old carcass this holiday season, and with special thanks to the young Mohs surgeon who complimented me for being fit and having very little body fat where she was working, here’s a wish for a very Merry Christmas to the tune of “Merry Christmas, Baby” from Rod Stewart & Cee Lo Green…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUJ1vot3CA8
Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure did needle splice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I'm a frozen slice, alright
Well I'm feelin' mighty fine, y’all
I got new stitch from my ray days old
Said I'm feelin' mighty nice y’all
I’ve got new stitch from my ray days old
I feel I'm gonna miss ya
Standing beneath the spot light glow, that spot light glow
Doctuh looked ‘round for skin C
Biopsied, y’all
And she left all them good stitches
For biopsy
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did stitch me nice
You brought me all these new dents
Now I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Well, Doctuh poked ‘round for skin C
About half past four
Left all these new dents in me
Flyin’ out the door
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I’ve new lease on life
Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
I said Merry, Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
You brought me no Black C splotch for Christmas
And I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
Merry Christmas, ladies!
For all of you nice young ladies who did a lot of needling, cutting and stitching on my unattractive old carcass this holiday season, and with special thanks to the young Mohs surgeon who complimented me for being fit and having very little body fat where she was working, here’s a wish for a very Merry Christmas to the tune of “Merry Christmas, Baby” from Rod Stewart & Cee Lo Green…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUJ1vot3CA8
Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure did needle splice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I'm a frozen slice, alright
Well I'm feelin' mighty fine, y’all
I got new stitch from my ray days old
Said I'm feelin' mighty nice y’all
I’ve got new stitch from my ray days old
I feel I'm gonna miss ya
Standing beneath the spot light glow, that spot light glow
Doctuh looked ‘round for skin C
Biopsied, y’all
And she left all them good stitches
For biopsy
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did stitch me nice
You brought me all these new dents
Now I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Well, Doctuh poked ‘round for skin C
About half past four
Left all these new dents in me
Flyin’ out the door
I said Merry Christmas, ladies
Sure did treat me nice
Brought me a benign thing for Christmas
And I feel like I’ve new lease on life
Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
I said Merry, Merry Christmas, ladies
You sure have treated me well
You brought me no Black C splotch for Christmas
And I feel like I’m a frozen slice
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas
Happy New Year
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
May the good Lord be with ya
Merry Christmas, ladies!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
You Really Got A Hold On Me
Paranoid hypochondria, a condition so well known to so many of us at the Hotel Melanoma, strikes again. On Thanksgiving Day I felt a painful lump, which couldn’t have been a lump of undigested turkey fat since I hadn’t yet had dinner that day. Said discovery sent me to my primary care doc the following Monday, who quickly referred me to my favorite oncologist, Dr. Death. Which led to a tag team fine needle aspiration by three pathologists at my cancer center’s breast cancer clinic. (Hey, it’s a teaching hospital and I provided an opportunity for practice.) The preliminary results of that were flaky enough to prompt a recommendation for an excisional biopsy; if in doubt, cut it out. ‘Fast forward’ thirteen days, and a “no worries” pathology report arrived—it’s not melanoma, it was an inflamed lump of fat tissue. My guess is that it probably originated from a slight injury from one of my spastic golf swings. Of course all of this took three weeks to play out, during which time I just couldn’t resist psyching myself up to receive a Stage IV diagnosis and planning my assault on the Black Beast.
Will I ever be able to train my brain to just deal with the facts, as and when they become known, instead of driving myself bat guano crazy worrying about the known unknowns? Probably not, because this is the Hotel Melanoma. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
To the tune of “You Really Got A Hold On Me” from The Beatles…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QT6GqfGgko
I don't like you
But I loved U
Seems that I'm always
Thinkin' of you
Oh, ho, ho, you treat me badly
I sunned too madly
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I don't want you
’Cuz I need through
Sure wanna miss you
But can’t seem to
Oh, ho, ho You do me wrong now
My ‘screen is strong now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Tighter
Tighter
I wanna leave you
Don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Oh ho ho, I wanna split now
I just can't quit now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me (seize)
Hold me (squeeze)
Hold me
Hold me
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Will I ever be able to train my brain to just deal with the facts, as and when they become known, instead of driving myself bat guano crazy worrying about the known unknowns? Probably not, because this is the Hotel Melanoma. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
To the tune of “You Really Got A Hold On Me” from The Beatles…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QT6GqfGgko
I don't like you
But I loved U
Seems that I'm always
Thinkin' of you
Oh, ho, ho, you treat me badly
I sunned too madly
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I don't want you
’Cuz I need through
Sure wanna miss you
But can’t seem to
Oh, ho, ho You do me wrong now
My ‘screen is strong now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Hold me
Tighter
Tighter
I wanna leave you
Don't wanna stay here
Don't wanna spend another day here
Oh ho ho, I wanna split now
I just can't quit now
You've really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Black C
I got you and all I know you will do
Is just
Hold me (seize)
Hold me (squeeze)
Hold me
Hold me
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
You really got a hold on me
(You really got a hold on me)
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Maybe It's Moles Gone Wild
For all of you at the Hotel Melanoma who are waiting anxiously for pathology reports or scan results during this holiday season, and maybe have sort of a “duet” going on in your head right now, here’s one to the tune of Norah Jones’ & Willie Nelson’s rendition of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_-XMZjWGF4
They really can't say – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I've got to go a-pray – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - Been hoping that news drops in
So very ‘nice’ - on hold for scans, they're old as ice
My mother will start to worry - warrior, what's your hurry
My doctor has me pacing the floor - Listen to blood pressure roar
So really they’d better scurry - warrior, please don't worry
Well maybe just one drink more - Put some records on while I pour
This drives me to drink - Maybe it's bad down there
Say, what's one to think - hope labs won’t be bad new scare
I wish I knew how - Your fries are hide scar fright now
To break this spell – I’ll beat those stats, Yervoy works swell
I got to lay low, low, lower - Mind could you move a little slower
At least I'm gonna say that I tried – What was the sense in burning my hide
They really can't say – Black C don't hold out
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I simply can’t glow – maybe it’s moles gone wild
The answer’s so slow - Ooh maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - I'm lucky that new drugs win
So twice the norm -- Took out from skin glow at tan store
Biopsy will be new stitches - Gosh, your slides look so suspicious
My doctor will just stare at the door – days are gone as clinical bore
My barium drink’s delicious - Gosh this ‘skin C’s’ capricious
Well maybe just a half a drink more – Cancer doc’s a wizard of lore
I've got to so know - Oh, maybe, you’ll heed my prayers
Say, docs in white coats – live up to your fees in air
Wait’s really been grand - Your slides are my scarred hide now
Just hear my plea - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be call tomorrow – making my worries hollow
At least there will be Yervoy to try - If you get your CIGNA plan ride
They really can't say – just open that cold stout
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_-XMZjWGF4
They really can't say – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I've got to go a-pray – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - Been hoping that news drops in
So very ‘nice’ - on hold for scans, they're old as ice
My mother will start to worry - warrior, what's your hurry
My doctor has me pacing the floor - Listen to blood pressure roar
So really they’d better scurry - warrior, please don't worry
Well maybe just one drink more - Put some records on while I pour
This drives me to drink - Maybe it's bad down there
Say, what's one to think - hope labs won’t be bad new scare
I wish I knew how - Your fries are hide scar fright now
To break this spell – I’ll beat those stats, Yervoy works swell
I got to lay low, low, lower - Mind could you move a little slower
At least I'm gonna say that I tried – What was the sense in burning my hide
They really can't say – Black C don't hold out
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I simply can’t glow – maybe it’s moles gone wild
The answer’s so slow - Ooh maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - I'm lucky that new drugs win
So twice the norm -- Took out from skin glow at tan store
Biopsy will be new stitches - Gosh, your slides look so suspicious
My doctor will just stare at the door – days are gone as clinical bore
My barium drink’s delicious - Gosh this ‘skin C’s’ capricious
Well maybe just a half a drink more – Cancer doc’s a wizard of lore
I've got to so know - Oh, maybe, you’ll heed my prayers
Say, docs in white coats – live up to your fees in air
Wait’s really been grand - Your slides are my scarred hide now
Just hear my plea - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be call tomorrow – making my worries hollow
At least there will be Yervoy to try - If you get your CIGNA plan ride
They really can't say – just open that cold stout
Maybe it’s moles gone wild
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Rod Stewart, Live At The Hotel Melanoma
To the tune of Rod Stewart’s new rendition of “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAdmdunWvsA
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
C doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I met new friends AIM walking;
Our sights are on striking blow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Sun liars are selling dying,
And, my dear, you’re still a-buying,
But as long as you love C so.
Check your moles, check your moles, check your moles.
Make it so
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, so, so, make it so, make it so.
Maybe it's moles gone wild
Make it no, make it no, make it no, make it no
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAdmdunWvsA
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
C doesn't show signs of stopping,
And I met new friends AIM walking;
Our sights are on striking blow,
Make it so, make it so, make it so.
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Sun liars are selling dying,
And, my dear, you’re still a-buying,
But as long as you love C so.
Check your moles, check your moles, check your moles.
Make it so
When we finally slay this fright,
How I'll love paling out as the norm;
And if you check my moles just right,
All the day long I'll be warm.
Oh, a leathered-out hide is frightful,
But pale white is so delightful,
And since we've no race to glow,
Make it so, so, so, make it so, make it so.
Maybe it's moles gone wild
Make it no, make it no, make it no, make it no
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Walking In A Clinic Wonderland
For all of you who are spending a bit too much ‘quality time’ this holiday season in your favorite “just skin cancer” clinic, the Hotel Melanoma take on Rod Stewart’s new rendition of “Winter Wonderland”…
Ray spells bring, our new skin thing,
In the stains, cells are glistening
A beautiful fright,
It’s Black C to fight,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Gone away is the U word,
Here to stay is the flu bird
C brings drugs along,
How’d we go so wrong,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In the clinic we can thrill our mole man,
And pretend that C has lost the round
He'll say: “Are you worried?”
We'll say: “No man,
But U can do a job
When we’re too brown”.
Later on, we'll perspire,
As we scheme like a liar
To face unafraid,
The scans that they've made,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In sun red glow we can kill our moles, man,
And pretend Skin C’s a harmless clown
We'll have lots of fun with blister show, man,
Until the sun we did knocks us down.
When scans glow, ain't it chilling,
Through your nose pay the billing
We'll colic and pray, through the chemo day,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Walking in a clinic wonderland,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Ray spells bring, our new skin thing,
In the stains, cells are glistening
A beautiful fright,
It’s Black C to fight,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Gone away is the U word,
Here to stay is the flu bird
C brings drugs along,
How’d we go so wrong,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In the clinic we can thrill our mole man,
And pretend that C has lost the round
He'll say: “Are you worried?”
We'll say: “No man,
But U can do a job
When we’re too brown”.
Later on, we'll perspire,
As we scheme like a liar
To face unafraid,
The scans that they've made,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
In sun red glow we can kill our moles, man,
And pretend Skin C’s a harmless clown
We'll have lots of fun with blister show, man,
Until the sun we did knocks us down.
When scans glow, ain't it chilling,
Through your nose pay the billing
We'll colic and pray, through the chemo day,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Walking in a clinic wonderland,
Walking in a clinic wonderland.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
If Santa Lived At The Hotel Melanoma
Just a little lyrical nonsense, to the tune of Jimmy Buffett’s “Ho Ho Ho And A Bottle Of Rum”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0LtovZ2jo
Santa's stressed out as the derma blade season draws near
He's been checking the same spots now going on two thousand years
He's got pains in his brain and skin C scars cover his buns
He hates to admit it, but this mass is all work no fun
He needs a vacation from Black Cancer Nation, you know
Mr. Claus has escape plans, a secret that only he knows
Beaches and palm trees appear night and day in his dreams
A break from this life, his half frozen hide
The oncs and that damn clinic team
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
He thinks about boat drinks and sunnin’ till done
Ho Ho Ho it’s more trouble in sun
That radiation and blast dermabrasions aren't good
He wants to go back to simple days, laid out when could
Just for the weekend he'd like to be Mister Tan
Get out of his long johns and dance with a Bud in the sand
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho and some MRI fun
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho hand him bottle of rum
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
A week in the tropics and he'll be all fright
Sporting no tan ‘cuz his hide’s out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night
He’ll be back in a week
Don’t worry kids
We all need a break
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE0LtovZ2jo
Santa's stressed out as the derma blade season draws near
He's been checking the same spots now going on two thousand years
He's got pains in his brain and skin C scars cover his buns
He hates to admit it, but this mass is all work no fun
He needs a vacation from Black Cancer Nation, you know
Mr. Claus has escape plans, a secret that only he knows
Beaches and palm trees appear night and day in his dreams
A break from this life, his half frozen hide
The oncs and that damn clinic team
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
He thinks about boat drinks and sunnin’ till done
Ho Ho Ho it’s more trouble in sun
That radiation and blast dermabrasions aren't good
He wants to go back to simple days, laid out when could
Just for the weekend he'd like to be Mister Tan
Get out of his long johns and dance with a Bud in the sand
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho and some MRI fun
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
Marimbas, calimbas, the magnet steel drums
Ho Ho Ho hand him bottle of rum
Ho Ho Ho and all mottled from sun
Santa's run off to the Caribbean
A week in the tropics and he'll be all fright
Sporting no tan ‘cuz his hide’s out of sight
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night
He’ll be back in a week
Don’t worry kids
We all need a break
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
The sad truth is that for way too many inmates at the Hotel Melanoma, it’s not. Some are in the midst of harsh chemotherapy or radiation treatments that will, to say the least, put a damper on their holiday festivities. Others are playing the nerve-wracking game of waiting as patiently as possible for scan results, pathology reports, or a health insurer’s verdict on pre-approving an expensive course of treatment. And for too many, “the Holidays” this year are a time of coming to grips with their own impending mortality or caring for a loved one who’s run out of treatment options and is now under hospice care.
But while it may not be the most wonderful time of the year for some of us, it’s nevertheless a time when the selfless best in the human spirit seems to shine the brightest. It’s the season of giving at the Hotel Melanoma, not of material bling, but rather of our selves and our love, our compassion, our support and our prayers. For others. And isn’t that just a bit wonderful?
So today I’ll take another shot at giving you a smile when you may not have much to smile about. To the tune of Andy Williams’ “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
It’s the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
With cell phone jingle belling
And hoping doc’s telling you "CT’s are clear"
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
With those bill co-pay greetings
And gay happy meetings with doctors on call
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
There'll be tan beds for toasting
Mercola beds roasting
And medical bunk on Oz show
There'll be fairy tale stories
And sales of tan glory
Of skin masses long, long a-grow
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be much skin for showing
And hearts will be slowing when gloved ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be IV’s we’re hosting
Harsh protons for toasting
And tumor things all in a glow
There'll be scary doc stories
And tales of the gories
Of thick masses long, long ago
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be drug PICC lines flowing
And our hearts won’t be glowing when tanned ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
But while it may not be the most wonderful time of the year for some of us, it’s nevertheless a time when the selfless best in the human spirit seems to shine the brightest. It’s the season of giving at the Hotel Melanoma, not of material bling, but rather of our selves and our love, our compassion, our support and our prayers. For others. And isn’t that just a bit wonderful?
So today I’ll take another shot at giving you a smile when you may not have much to smile about. To the tune of Andy Williams’ “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtb3EtjEic
It’s the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
With cell phone jingle belling
And hoping doc’s telling you "CT’s are clear"
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
With those bill co-pay greetings
And gay happy meetings with doctors on call
It's the ‘hap-happiest’ season of all
There'll be tan beds for toasting
Mercola beds roasting
And medical bunk on Oz show
There'll be fairy tale stories
And sales of tan glory
Of skin masses long, long a-grow
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be much skin for showing
And hearts will be slowing when gloved ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be IV’s we’re hosting
Harsh protons for toasting
And tumor things all in a glow
There'll be scary doc stories
And tales of the gories
Of thick masses long, long ago
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
There'll be drug PICC lines flowing
And our hearts won’t be glowing when tanned ones are near
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time
It's the most ‘wonderful’ time of the year
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Time To Pick on Ol' St. Nick
Is anyone else thinking that Santa is way past due for a skin check? I mean, let’s tick off the risk factors:
· He’s an older Caucasian gentleman of indeterminate age.
· He lives at the North Pole under a depleted ozone layer.
· He spends lots of time outdoors tending to his reindeer, catching lots of UV rays reflecting off the snow and ice.
· His face looks like Rudolph’s nose, so he ain’t been wearing sunscreen.
So, Santa, when you drop down my chimney this year there will be more than cookies on your plate. The ‘derma docs’ will be coming to town and awaiting your arrival, because we really do need you to stick around. I promise not to peek.
To the tune of John Mellencamp’s “I Saw Mommy Kissin’ Santa Claus”…
I want M.D.’s checkin’ ol' Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe and lights
And he need not fear me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
He can bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
Underneath the mistletoe and lights
And he need not fear me creep
Down the stairs to have a peek
He can bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
I’ll have derm docs tickle ol' Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
And what a gaff it could have been
If my Black C would have stalked right in
I’ve got derm docs checkin ’Santa Claus that night
Underneath the mistletoe that night
And he will not see me creep
Down the stairs to take a peek
Surely bet that I’ll be tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep
I’ll have mole docs tickle ol' Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
And what a gaff it could have been
If ol’ Black C had just got him
I got mole docs checkin’ Santa Claus that night
Saturday, December 1, 2012
A Jimmy Buffett Christmas
To the tune of Jimmy Buffett’s rendition of “Mele Kalikimaka”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdDfI2aLV8
“Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
"Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
(Take it girls)
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and bare our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the mole land greeting that we send to you
From the land where M.D.’s flay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be sheen of white
For sun we’ll pine all day and all our scars we’ll hide
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun fryee’s way to say Merry Christmas,
Merry Merry Christmas to you, Merry Merry Christmas to you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IdDfI2aLV8
“Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
"Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
(Take it girls)
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the fry land greeting that we send to you
From the land where UV’s slay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and wear our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be ‘screened all right
From sun we’ll hide all day and bare our scars with pride
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun ‘fryee’s’ way to say Merry Christmas to you
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is the thing to say on a white no fryin’ Christmas Day
That's the mole land greeting that we send to you
From the land where M.D.’s flay
Here we know on Christmas we’ll be sheen of white
For sun we’ll pine all day and all our scars we’ll hide
”Mela’s a freaky monstuh” is sun fryee’s way to say Merry Christmas,
Merry Merry Christmas to you, Merry Merry Christmas to you
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