Open Season

For some, September marks the beginning of various and sundry hunting seasons. For me, it marks the beginning of open season on me as a patient.

I’ve already knocked off a visit to my primary care doc, who refuses to renew prescriptions for blood pressure and cholesterol meds unless I see him annually for a checkup and lab work. Granted I’m 59 and already a one-time loser of the carcinoma sweepstakes, but this fellow takes way too much interest in my prostate health.

This month I’ll see my favorite radiation oncologist (f/k/a Dr. No) and have a MRI to see how Mr. Schwannoma is doing after being nuked several years ago. I find MRI’s only slightly more pleasant than watching the endless barrage of negative and misleading political ads (from both parties and all super-PACs) on television.

In October, it’ll be time for a six-month checkup with my favorite melanoma doc (f/k/a Dr. Death), when we’ll spin the diagnostic Wheel of Fortune to determine whether any scans or other tests will be performed.

I’ll cap off my season of poking and prodding in November, with a retina scan and visit to the ophthalmologist who will once again tell me he doesn’t know what the cause of my leaky blood vessel problem is and that there’s no cure for it. So why am I here? I suspect only because I’m just about the only patient at the eye institute who isn’t on Medicare and they receive a much higher reimbursement rate for seeing me.

I’m tempted to just blow it all off and stay safe at home, so I’ll sign off with my take on The Clash’s “Should I Stay Or Should I Go”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ


Wooh!
Oh yeeeeeaaaaah!

Doctor you got to let me know
Should I pray because I glow?
If you say that I’m not fine
I’ll be here ’til the end of time
So you got to let me know
Should I pray because I glow?

It’s always tease, tease, tease
You’re happy when I’m paying fees
One day it’s fine, and next it’s back
So if you want me coming back
Well come on and let me know
Should I pray because I glow?

Should I pray because I glow now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there could be trouble
An’ when I pay it will be double
So come on and let me know!

This kind physician’s bugging me
(his indecision me protestuh!)
If you can’t cure me, set me free
I have some questions, answer me
Exactly how’m I supposed to see?
(time for scannin’ and pokes)
Don’t you know which gown even fits me?
(why do I have to wear this blue dress?)
Come on and let me know
(my time’s important too!)
Did I fool it or did it grow?
(Schwannoma is still stable?)

Sit!
(tell me NED, no mo’ suffer)
Should I pray because I glow now?
(tell me NED, no mo’ ‘fusin)
Should I pray because I glow now?
(tell me NED, no mo’ chemo)
If I glow there will be trouble
(CIGNA say preexisting condition)
And if they pay you’ll dose me double
(give me chemo on double)
So you gotta let me know
(pardon me but waitin’ causes fear)
Did I fool it or did it grow?
(tell me NED, no mo’ nukin’)

Should I pray because I glow now?
(tell me NED, no mo’ ‘fusin’)
If I glow there will be trouble
(CIGNA say preexisting condition)
And if they pay you’ll dose me double
(give me protons on double)
So you gotta let me know
(pardon me but waitin’ causes fear)
Should I pray because I glow?