In Good Hands

During my college days I worked as a surgical orderly in a big hospital. It was an unskilled “fetch and carry” sort of job where not much was expected of me other than providing the muscle to move an anesthetized patient from Point A to Point B and to hustle when a surgeon needed something like getting a tissue sample to the pathology lab for a quick read while the patient was on the table. But I witnessed the histrionic behavior of the small minority of surgeons who act like prima donnas and abuse the surgical staff. A few years later I was a baby lawyer working in a firm that did medical malpractice defense work and played minor roles in defending a few malpractice lawsuits against surgeons. (My favorite defendant was an osteopath who removed a perfectly healthy appendix to treat his patient’s recurring headaches and seriously botched the unnecessary operation to boot.) Later on in my legal career, working as a banking lawyer, my only dealings with surgeons occurred when I was trying to help clean up the mess they’d made with some boneheaded tax shelter investment that put them in financial trouble despite the fact they earned high six-figure incomes.


So I must confess that I checked into The Hotel Melanoma not having the highest opinion of surgeons. Thankfully, however, I’ve been the beneficiary of the skills of a couple of very fine, kind and gentlemanly surgeons and my opinion of this medical specialty has vastly improved. With gratitude to both of them, here’s my version of James Taylor’s “Handy Man”…



Hey mates, won’t you gather round
Look at what I'm cutting down
Yeah maties, I'm your handy man

I'm not the kind to use a pencil or rule
I'm handy in the gloves and I'm so cool
Fixin’ broken parts, I know that I truly can

If your broken parts should need repair
Oh mole mates, I’m The Man to see
I fix your C things, you tell all your friends
They'll come runnin' to me

Here is the main thing I want to say
I'm busy 24 hours a day
Fixin’ broken parts, I know that I truly can

Come-uh come-uh come-uh come come
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Come-uh come-uh come-uh come come
You’ll come runnin’ to me

Here is the main thing I want to say
I'm busy 24 hours a day
Fixin’ broken parts, I’m your handy man

Come-uh come-uh come-uh come come
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Come-uh come-uh come-uh come come
Yeah, yeah, yeah