I’ve been feeling like quite the cancer slacker of late. For me, life with melanoma has been a lot like March weather-- in like a lion, out like a lamb. Six months of diagnostic and treatment hell, followed by eight years of a wary state of ceasefire. And when I read so many accounts of much younger folks in the midst of vicious Stage IV battles I can’t help but feel a bit guilty about my relative good fortune. Is melanoma truly a random, arbitrary and capricious trickster that kills young parents while sparing this old boomer? Deep down, until the day I succumb from some other cause I’ll always believe that this bastard is just toying with me and, sooner or later, it’ll come roaring back like a lion.
Meanwhile, you black-hearted sonofabitch, I guess I’ll just do my best at living with or without you. From U2…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSdTa9kaiQ
See the fate set in my fries
See the porn twist in my slides.
I wait for you.
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails you make me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you.
Through the storm, I’ve reached a shore
I gave it all, will you want more?
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you.
I can live with or without you.
And you hide yourself away
And you hide yourself away
And you hide, and you hide
And you hide yourself away.
My brain is fried, my body used
You left me with something to win
And all things left to lose.
And you hide yourself away
And you hide yourself away
And you hide, and you hide
And you hide yourself away.
With or without you
With or without you
I can live
With or without you.
With or without you
With or without you
I can live
With or without you
With or without you.
yeah,
we' ll walk with stars in November light
we' ll shine like stars in November, mates
one heart, one hope, one cure
With or without you
With or without you
We can live
With or without you.
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It seems my guilt is contagious. Glad to know I'm not the only one who is still slightly paranoid about being in good health.
ReplyDeleteHello...
ReplyDeleteI've been searching around the internet tonight. A very dear friend of mine learned last week that her husband has metastatic melanoma. They have 4 sons, 3 of whom have type 1 diabetes.
We connected via our blogs about 3 years ago, because we both have kids with T1D...it's blossomed into a beautiful friendship...and I'm heartbroken over the news.
Anyway, we're praying for a miracle. This Sunday we're asking people to pray and fast on behalf of Ryan.
You can read her story here...
http://www.ourdiabeticlife.com/2012/02/cancer.html
I feel like I'm on this journey with her. Trying to find resources and places where she can connect once this initial phase of auto-pilot shuts off. Anyway, thank for your blog.
God bless.
Wendy, so sorry to hear about your friend and her husband. There is a facebook page called "Melanoma Prayer Center" (link on the right) that would be a gateway for your friend to find a network of support from Stage IV patients and their caregivers.
ReplyDeleteHey Katie, you're not supposed to feel guilty because melanoma isn't supposed to happen to twenty-somethings. Leave the guilt to us old geezers.