I’m eight-plus years into a “no evidence of disease” status, and have been feeling quite paranoid and spooked about it over the course of the last couple of months. Perhaps it’s just a case of survivor’s March Madness and there’s no trip to the Final IV in store for me. Perhaps I’ve read too many accounts from other melanoma warriors who experienced a recurrence many years after surviving their first bout with the beast. Maybe I read too much into the body language and facial expressions of my oncologist, who always seems to be pleasantly surprised when I show up healthy for my semiannual checkup. But I can’t seem to shake the feeling that my luck’s about to run out. And I know that I’m not alone in experiencing this sense of being a ticking time bomb.
Sorry to be “Dicky Downer” today. But, dear reader(s), if you’re in the same place today then know you’re not alone. I’ll sign off with a new version of The Beatles’ “Ticket To Ride”…
Think I'm gonna be sad,
I think it's today, yeah.
The cure we’re needing so bad
Is far off away.
C's got a ticket to hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hi-hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hide,
But C’s still there.
I’ve said that living with C
Is bringing me down yeah.
I won’t ever be free
When C is around.
C’s got a ticket to hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hi-hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hide,
But C’s still there.
I don't know why C’s hidin' so sly,
C ought to think twice,
C ought to do right by me.
Before C gets to making me die,
C ought to think twice,
C ought to do right by me.
I think I'm gonna be sad,
I think it's today yeah.
A cure that's hurting C bad
Is far off away, yeah.
Ah, C's got a ticket to hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hi-hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hide,
But C’s still there.
I don't know why C’s hidin' so sly,
C ought to think twice,
C ought to do right by me.
Before C gets to making me die,
C ought to think twice,
C ought to do right by me.
I’ve said that living with C,
Is bringing me down, yeah.
I can’t ever be free
When C’s still around.
Ah, C’s got a ticket to hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hi-hi-hide,
C's got a ticket to hide,
And C don't care.
My Black C don't care, my Black C don't care.
My Black C don't care,
My Black C don't care, my Black C don't care.
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I feel that same way. I'm almost a year and half NED. It makes me a little nervous every time my doctors tell it time to spread my appoints out farther. It's like we have already have one strike in the count.
ReplyDeleteScot
We are entitled to be downers now and then because this is something that we live with daily even when we are given an clear from the docs.
ReplyDeleteWhat if it returns- and I like to think that if it does, we will win again, and again.
I will be 10 in years in July and since my original diagnoses,I am convinced that this year will be the year that I do NOT have another relapse.
Keep your chin up!