Want Yervoy With Those Fries?

The Melanoma Research Foundation’s blog post of September 2, 2011 highlights the skyrocketing rate of incidence of melanoma in young women. The post includes a rather sad quote from Dr. Darrell Rigel, speaking to The American Academy of Dermatology:

“Twenty years ago, it was rare to see a woman in her 20s with melanoma, and we also did not see a lot among women in their 30s. Now, we commonly see cases in women in their 20s, and every one of them has a tanning history.”

One of the banes of my former life as a corporate lawyer was my company’s marketing department, which surely must have been the inspiration for whomever coined the phrase “your procrastination is not my emergency”. (I mean, c’mon, why should a regulatory compliance review of advertising copy ever, much less always, be a rush project?) But I secretly admired the creative ability of these folks to endlessly spin out delightfully tacky promotional ideas and cross-selling schemes and I can only imagine what they could do in the tanning salon industry, given the known carcinogenic effects of that industry’s sole product. Like “frequent fryer” rewards programs with rewards points redeemable at your local cancer treatment center. Or a free coupon for a 20% discount on the co-pay for your first month of Yervoy if you sign up today for ten tanning sessions. The possibilities are endless.

Boomers, don’t let your babies and grandbabies grow up to be tanners. If you sing better than I do, try the following version of Jackson Browne’s “Somebody’s Baby” to tell them they don’t have to be tan to be beautiful…



Well, just - a look at that girl with the lights comin' up in her eyes.
She's got to be somebody's baby.
She must be somebody's baby.
All the ghouls at the salon stand back and let her tan on high.
She's got to be somebody's baby.
She must be somebody's baby
She's got to be somebody's baby.
She's so fried.
She's probably somebody's only light.
Gonna shine tonight.
Yeah, she's probably somebody's baby, all right.

I heard her talkin' with her friend when she thought nobody else was around.
She said she's got to be young tannin’ lady; she must be young tannin’ lady.
'Cause when the cars and the signs and the street lights light up the town,
She's got to be one tanned up baby;
She must be one tanned up baby;
She's got to be one tanned up baby.
She's so....
She's gonna be somebody's only light.
Gonna shine tonight.
Yeah, she's gonna be somebody's baby for life.

I try to shut my eyes, but I can't get her outta my sight.
I know she doesn’t know me, but I gotta be stoppin’ this plight.
Well, I'm just gonna walk up to her.
I'm gonna talk to her tonight.
Yeah, she's gonna be somebody's only light.
Gonna shine tonight.
Yeah, she's gonna be somebody's baby for life.
Gotta stop this plight, keep her pale for life.