In The Pink

In one of life’s little ironies, my wife and I were nearly trapped last weekend in a pink flash mob. We were staying in a hotel in downtown Portland, Oregon. It came as a Saturday night surprise to us that our hotel was smack dab in the middle of a large section of the city that would be shut in for several hours on Sunday morning for the “Guess Who” Foundation’s race for THE cure with 50,000 registrants. This didn’t fit with our plans for the day, which were to drive south to the Oregon wine country to taste some expensive wines that we can’t afford to actually buy.

So, at a pre-dawn hour on Sunday morning I found myself, without benefit of caffeine, out on the streets retrieving our rental car from the hotel’s rather expensive valet parking and then searching (and paying again) for a legal parking spot safely outside of the soon-to-be-shut-down-to-traffic race zone. After successfully scoring a parking spot and upon embarking on my foot journey back to the hotel, it immediately started to pour down rain and I’d of course left my rain jacket back at the hotel. Upon my arrival back at the hotel, I briefly considered changing into a dry and all-black outfit, carrying a large “tanning beds kill” sign, and crashing the race. But my wiser and cooler-headed wife summarily vetoed this plan.

I surrender. I’ve been sent to a breast cancer clinic because it was the only place that could do a walk-in needle biopsy. I’ve been told I’d have to go on a waiting list for acupuncture treatment for tumor pain because I don’t have breast cancer. A nephew, who has two uncles with melanoma and no immediate family members with breast cancer, recently hit me up to sponsor him in his local pink race for the cure. And now I’ve barely escaped several hours of quarantine with a mob of folks wearing pink wigs. So, I’ve decided to find out if it’s medically possible to convert to that more popular pink cancer. If not, I may just pretend. Wish me luck.

For all of you melanoma warriors (and the battlers of the many other mostly invisible cancer brands) here’s a new version of The Beatles’ “Nowhere Man”…



He's a real nowhere man,
Blogging ‘bout this nowhere brand,
Singing all these nowhere rants
for nobody.

Doesn't have a pinkish hue,
Knows not where black cancer’s news,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere man, pink world could be your best plan!

Folks are blind as they can be,
Just see what they want to see,
Pink C fans can you see we at all?

Nowhere man, don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all till pink cancer land
lends you more fans!

Doesn't have a pinkish hue,
Knows not where black cancer’s news,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man please listen,
You don't know what you're missing
Nowhere man, pink world could be your best plan!

He's a real nowhere man,
Blogging ‘bout this nowhere brand,
Singing all these nowhere rants
for nobody.
Singing all these nowhere rants
for nobody.
Singing all these nowhere rants
for nobody!