Lab Rats

A lot of we guests of the Hotel Melanoma have participated in clinical trials. Although I didn’t fit the protocol for my docs’ study of “neoadjuvant” biochemotherapy for my Stage III melanoma (at least the one they published a journal article about), I was nevertheless offered the trial treatment and jumped at the chance to receive it.

I’d by lying if I claimed that I had any altruistic motives, like doing my part to advance melanoma treatment research. The truth is I just wanted to give myself a better chance to survive. And if it didn’t work then, well, I wanted to know I’d at least taken my best shot. During the pretreatment disclosure process that was supposed to form the basis of my “informed consent” to treatment I paid about as much attention as I had while watching one of those continuing legal education videotapes required to book the minimum number of mandatory legal ethics credit hours and get a better rate on the firm’s malpractice insurance. Just let me sign the papers and let's roll, docs!

For all of you who’ve elected to be lab rats, particularly in blind trials involving a placebo, here’s a new version of Neil Young’s classic, “Heart of Gold”…



We want to live,
We want to give.
We’ve been the lab rats
for a cure so bold.
Got those infusions,
Felt like a sieve.
We’ll keep on searching
for a cure so bold.
We like getting old.
Keep on searching
for a cure so bold.
We like getting old.

It’s not like Hollywood.
We looked like dead wood.
Some crossed the ocean
for a cure so bold.
We’ve had IV lines,
it was a fine time.
We’ll keep on searching
for a cure so bold.
We like getting old.
Keeps us searching
for a cure so bold.
We like getting old.

Keep on searching
for a cure so bold.
We keep on searching
for a cure so bold.
We like getting old.
We’ve been the lab rats
for a cure so bold.
We like getting old!