Mole Mapping Rock

Earlier this summer I experienced my first adulthood visit to a dermatologist, at the University of Colorado Hospital’s Dermatology Clinic. One of the ‘highlights’ of the day was a session in the clinic’s “mole mapping” room, wherein a nice nurse took magnified, high definition photographs of several “suspicious” moles. After living at The Hotel Melanoma for a decade, I thought I’d pretty much lost any sense of modesty around licensed health care professionals. But apparently I haven’t, and found mole mapping to be a tad bit embarrassing.

The nurse appeared to be of my vintage and I hope this made the process of mapping my unprepossessing old carcass slightly less painful for her. Nevertheless, she has my deepest sympathies and sincere wishes that my next appointment occurs on a day when she’s off work. Nobody should have to do this twice.

For all of my suspicious moles, here’s The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Def Leppard’s “Photograph”…



I'm outa luck, outa sun
Gotta photograph, picture of
Tanning killer, you're too much
You're not only one I wanna pluck
I see your face every time I ‘screen
On every place, every sag of me
So wild and free, so far not C
You're all I ‘want’, my tan disease

Oh, look what you've done to this flock of moles clown
Oh oh, look what you've done
Photograph - I don't want your
Photograph - I don't need your
Photograph - All I've got is a photograph
But it's ‘hot’ enough

I'd be your brother, if you were fair
Put your hurt on me, if you dare
Such a demon, you got guile
You make every man feel like a child, oh
You got some kinda hold on me
You're all wrapped up in mystery
So wild and free, so far not C
You're all I ‘want’, my disease

Oh, look what you've done to this flock of moles clown
Oh oh, look what you've done

Photograph - I don't want your
Photograph - I don't need your
Photograph - All I've got is a photograph
You've gone straight to my head

Oh, look what you've done to this flock of moles clown
Oh Oh, look what you've done
I gotta map you

Photograph - I don't want your
Photograph - I don't need your
Photograph - All I've got is a photograph
I wanna pluck you

Photograph
Photograph - Your photograph
Photograph -
Photograph - I need only your
Photograph - I'm outa sun
Photograph - I'm outa sun
Photograph - You're a deadly one
Photograph - I wanna duck