Meet The American Suntanning Association

The American Suntanning Association is a newly formed lobbying group made up of some 1,400 tanning salon owners. According to an investigative reporting piece published on the NBC News Open Channel blog, one of ASA’s board members has described the organization’s goal in rather chilling terms:  “The sort of mission of the organization that we all agreed on was that our main objective has to be to get more people in tanning beds. … The direction we’re going to take is going to be around media relations and regulatory relations that direct people to indoor tanning salons.”

For more information about the ASA and a little ‘sunshine’ on what it’s up to, go to http://openchannel.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/01/22/16630988-dermatologists-blast-tanning-industry-campaign-to-play-down-skin-cancer-fears?lite.

ASA's efforts bear a striking resemblance to the tactics of the tobacco industry-- if you don’t like the scientific evidence linking use of your product to an increased risk of cancer then hire an expensive public relations firm to help you make stuff up in an effort to debunk the science. Oy, but this is just all so breathtakingly mercenary that it deserves a song. To the tune of The Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy For The Devil”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9AexiRyPc0



Please allow me to introduce myself
I sell tans of ‘health’ and ‘taste’
I've been around for a long, long year
Laid many a man’s moles to waste

I was 'round when teenage types
Had their moments of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that child ones
Got their tans and sealed their fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I spread around fake research words
When I saw it was a time for a change
Spread afar health lies sinister
And quack media streamed the same

I rode to bank
Held a convention rank
While tan Blitzkrieg raged
And tan bodies tanked

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, ah yeah

I watched with glee
While your kids in ‘teens
Fought for next decade
For tan bod they made

I shouted out,
"U gives the healthy D!"
When after all
It was food you eat

Let me please introduce myself
I sell tans of ‘health’ and ‘taste’
And I laid traps for teenagers
Who get killed before they reach old age

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, ahhh yeah, get down, baby

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game mmm yeah
Just as every doc is a criminal
And all sun tanners saints
And heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have no courtesy
Have no sympathy, have no baste
Use all your well-learned common sense
Or I'll lay your moles to waste, mmm yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, mmm yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, mmm mean it, get down

Woo, who
ah yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
bum bum ba ba ba do a, bum bum ba ba ba do a
yea Ahh yeah!

Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, a can ya guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Oh, who
woo, woo
Woo, who alright
oo, oo oo
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah
Woo, who, who
Woo, who, who
Oh, yeah

well What's my name
Tell me, baby, a what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, a what's my name

oo, who, who
oo, who, who
oo, who, who
oo, who, who
oo, who, who
oo, who, who
oo, who, who

Ahhhhh, yeah
Woo woo