The Ray-off Season

I’ll be heading south in a few days to bask in warm shade and moist ocean breezes, once again facing the ‘challenges’ of enjoying beach and pool time while staying true to my paler self. Over the course of my years at the Hotel Melanoma, I’ve learned there are numerous advantages to practicing safe sun. Among them are:

■ My cold beverage stays cold far longer in the shade.

■ I don’t need to wear tinted reading glasses to see my trashy beach novel.

■ Walking the beach at sunrise, one is subjected to far fewer visual assaults from overweight non-Yankees wearing thong swim suits.

■ If you swim laps before 10 a.m. when the pool bar opens, you substantially lower your risk of being crushed when a drunken redneck falls into the pool.

So it’s time for me to cease and desist from any further whining that my unprotected days in the tropical sun are history. And for you too.

I don’t particularly like the following song. But I’ve heard its chorus so many, many times during this NFL season I’ve concluded it is my sacred duty as a lyrical blogger to try to mess it up for anyone who does. To the tune of Daniel Powter’s “Bad Day”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-aNEIsbkM8



When was the moment we turned into ghost
You kick up the ‘screen and sun magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to shade
They tell me your tan fun’s gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the light just to check a new mole
You're faking a smile, skin biopsy to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
They’re cutting out pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had some bad rays
You're taking sun down
You sing a sad song cuz you spurned the old brown
You say you don't glow
You tell me don't fry
You work at a smile and you cover your hide
You had some bad rays
The scan shots don't lie
You're turning tan down and you really don't mind
You had some bad rays
You had some bad rays

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had some bad rays
Your baking caused frown
You sing a sad song cuz you spurned skin so brown
You say you won't glow
You tell me won’t fry
You work at a smile and you cover your hide
You had some bad rays
The scan shots don't lie
You're turning tan down and you really don't mind
You had some bad rays

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes your system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is pale fashion when we need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the ‘screen and sun magic is lost

Cause you had some bad rays
You're faking the brown
You sing a sad song cuz you burned skin too brown
You say you won't glow
You tell me won’t fry
You work at a smile and you cover your hide
You had some bad rays
You've seen what C’s like
And how would it feel for one more time
You had some bad rays
You had some bad rays

Had some bad rays
Had some bad rays
Had some bad rays
Had some bad rays
Had some bad rays