Internet Sensations

One of the many boneheaded mistakes I made as a newly-diagnosed melanoma patient was to immediately launch a research expedition on the Internet. I quickly encountered a lot of truly terrifying mortality statistics at a time when I knew next to nothing about the actual stage of my own disease. Consequently, I lept to the premature conclusion that those nasty statistics probably applied to me and put myself in a state of readiness to preplan my own funeral. Yikes.

My little blog is not exactly an Internet sensation, but I harbor hopes that if a newly-diagnosed patient stumbles onto this site that it just might provide hope and encouragement, and maybe even some smiles. And thanks to Jimmy Buffett’s “Son of a Sailor”, here’s a lyrical journey into my Internet lessons learned…





As the son of a son of a doctor
I went out on the ‘net for adventure
Expanding my view of this cancer come new
Like a man just condemned to indenture

As a dreamer of dreams and a researchin’ man
I have checked out many web sites
Read dozens of lines, learned statistics cause fright
Now I try to avoid them at night

Dumber than dumb, dumber than dumb
Dumber than dumb to be Googlin’
Dumber than dumb, it was no fun
It filled my head with confusion

Look ahead into my future
Still have this disorder
I can shake the hand of my cancer doc
As he tells me all’s in order

And the nurses they toil at hospitals
Takin’ care of patients
Cool down your head, and changing your bed
And thank God they all have lots of patience

Take our scans in and we hope for some grins
As our doctors display them before us
Try not to scream as you look at the screen
It’s the kind of a day that won’t bore us

Where it all ends I can't fathom my friends
If I knew I might cut out my bloggin’
So I cruise along always searchin’ for songs
Just a lawyer who blogs for this cancer

I’m still dumber than dumb, dumber than dumb
Dumber than dumb to be bloggin’
Dumber than dumb, post a new one
It causes pain in my noggin

I’m just a son of a son, son of a son
Son of a son of a doctor
Melanoma’s tame, my prognosis the same
I’m so glad I don't chill in morgue lockers