Mole Ripper

Yesterday I wound up Melanoma/Skin Cancer Awareness Month with a visit to the University of Colorado Hospital’s Dermatology Clinic—another #GetNaked day, oh joy! Something rather ugly had popped up on my left shin in the past few weeks, so I went in expecting some carving. And I wasn’t ‘disappointed’. My faculty dermatologist thanked me for being so good at growing things and providing experience and training for his residents, as I’d “presented” my second squamous cell carcinoma in the past twelve months. (But, thank heavens, no melanoma worries!) My response was that I’d been meaning to ask if the hospital offered any sort of rewards points program for patients like me who’ve been frequent visitors to a half dozen or so of its various departments and clinics. Unfortunately, they don’t.

I’m once again reminded that my lifeguard job as a teenager didn’t pay nearly enough. Don’t hide indoors this summer but please, please wear some freakin’ sunscreen!

With thanks to all the good folks at the UCH Dermatology Clinic and with hope that I won’t win the skin cancer trifecta by showing up next time with a basal cell carcinoma, I’ll sign off with a song to all forms of “just skin cancer” to the tune of “Soul Stripper” from AC/DC…



Well, I met C back when ‘guardin’
Underneath that bold bad UV
Sitting with a tan on the towers
Looking as cool as can be
C stalked away in hundreds sun hours
Then C laid cruel hand on my back
Oh, I thought I ought to been ‘screening
I didn't know I fell in C’s trap

Then C made me flay things I didn't want to flay
Then C made me take meds I didn't want to take
C was a mole ripper, C took my parts
Mole ripper, and tore me apart

C started moving nice and easy
Slowly spreading inward in time
Killing off this nice little feeling
Ooooh, everyone C could find
And when C had me hollow and naked
That's when C put me down
Pulled out a knife and flashed it before me
Stuck it in and turned it around

Then C made me flay things I didn't want to flay
Then C made me take meds I didn't want to take
C was a mole ripper, C took my parts
Mole ripper, and tore me apart
Mole ripper!