I'd Really Rather Not

Early detection being a potential lifesaver when it comes to melanoma, Melanoma Research Foundation-- a very fine organization-- would like me to GetNaked in front of a mirror this month and perform a skin self-examination. And I’d really rather not. You see, it’s just about all I can 'bare' to look at myself long enough to shave when I climb out of the shower and a detailed inspection of my unprepossessing sixty-plus-year-old and mole-covered carcass just might send me over the edge. I’m guessing that my spouse of thirty-plus years isn’t going to volunteer for this duty either, and she’s certainly not about to delegate it. Plus I’ve been paying good money during these past ten years at the Hotel Melanoma for melanoma oncologists and dermatologists to bear this pain for me semi-annually.

So I don’t think I’ll GetNaked in ‘celebration’ of Melanoma Awareness Month. But you should. It just might save your life.

With deepest gratitude to the licensed healthcare professionals who have to see me naked, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Never Knew How Much” from The Allman Brothers Band…

Time and time again I've felt these halls of cancer closing in
And more than once I've felt that lonely, lonely feeling
Wondering why and where I've been
Just about the time, I think I can't hold on
You're always there to keep me hanging on and I say

I never knew how much a tan needed a mole man
(No I never)
I never knew how much a boy needed a cure
(Needed a cure)
I never knew how much I needed you

Day after day I join the scan race
Tryin' to make the most of it
I keep on falling down, down the ladder
Still trying to stay on top of it
Just when I was sure
No skin could get no better
Oh I realize
I still need you more than ever

I never knew how much a tan needed a mole man
(No I never)
I never knew how much a boy needed a cure
(Needed a cure)
I never knew how much I needed you

Today I watch the sun set on the freeway
Spangled in the mountain air
But miles beyond, on the other end
I know, you'll always be waiting there
Docs you treat me
With your kindest hand
And in my heart, in my mind
And I'm so glad

I never knew how much a tan needed a mole man
(No I never)
I never knew how much a boy needed a cure
(Needed a cure)
I never knew how much I needed you