I’m often intrigued by the Google search queries that lead unsuspecting ‘net surfers to my blog. A recent favorite is “melanoma paranoia hypochondria”. I’ve no idea whether the searcher found anything of use here, likely not, but just in case they ever come back I’ll belatedly attempt to address the subject.
Melanoma Paranoia Hypochondria, which I’ll shorten up to “melanoia” for purposes of this post, is a psychiatric malady quite common among we inmates at the Hotel Melanoma. Forever after our check-in, we are incapable of experiencing any ache, cough, bout of nausea, you name it, without wondering and worrying whether it might be an early symptom of recurrence or metastasis. And we spend way too much time obsessively and meticulously inspecting our mottled hides, searching for that new primary tumor that we’ve been told we’re at an elevated risk of developing.
I myself have experienced recurring bouts of melanoia during my extend NED stay at this ‘resort’ hotel and, dag nab it, it’s not entirely my fault. My experience is that I can’t show up on a medic’s doorstep with a seemingly routine medical problem without my history of metastatic melanoma coming up in the course of the conversation and, quite frequently, some subsequent diagnostic procedure to “rule out” that the problem is melanoma-related. A relatively minor case of shingles has led to a chest and abdominal CT scan. Retinal swelling discovered by an optometrist during a routine eye examination has launched a same-day visit to my favorite university hospital for diagnostic work to rule out that a melanoma tumor had cropped up in the vicinity. While I’ve worked pretty hard to convince myself that, yes, I really can have some medical issue in this 60th year of my boomerhood that has zip, nada, zilch to do with melanoma, conscientious and vigilant healthcare professionals continue to stoke my melanoia.
So, dear searcher, if you too are experiencing melanoia please chill out, cut yourself some slack, and know that you are so not alone.
To the tune of “Once In A Lifetime” from the Talking Heads…
Talking Heads - Once In A Lifetime by hushhush112
And you may find yourself living in The Hotel Black
And you may find yourself in a doctor’s part of the world
And you may find yourself beneath the squeal of a large magnetic field
And you may find yourself in C’s ‘ beautiful’ house, with a ‘beautiful’
life
And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?
Letting the days go by/let the doctor hand me gown
Letting the days go by/doctor probing under gown
Into the blue again/after the sun C’s gone
Rest of a lifetime/doctor probing under gown.
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large magnetic field?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful life!
Letting the days go by/let the doctor hand me gown
Letting the days go by/doctor probing under gown
Into the blue again/after the sun C’s gone
Rest of a lifetime/doctor probing under gown.
Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...
Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...
Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...
Doctor is solving...and doctor removing
There is spot here at the bottom of emotion
Spare me the spot here at the bottom of emotion
Remove the spot here at the bottom of emotion
Letting the days go by/let the doctor hand me gown
Letting the days go by/doctor probing under gown
Into the blue again/with the silent doctor
Under the spots and moles/there is cancer underground.
Letting the days go by/let the doctor hand me gown
Letting the days go by/doctor probing under gown
Into the blue again/after the sun C’s gone
Rest of a lifetime/doctor probing under gown.
And you may ask yourself
What is this ‘beautiful’ house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does scan light ray glow?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?...Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!...WHY HAVE I SUNNED?
Letting the days go by/let the doctor hand me gown
Letting the days go by/doctor probing under gown
Into the blue again/ with the silent doctor
Under the spots and moles/there is cancer underground.
Letting the days go by/let the doctor hand me gown
Letting the days go by/doctor probing under gown
Into the blue again/after the sun C’s gone
Rest of a lifetime/doctor probing under gown.
Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...
Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...
Sane as I ever was...Sane as I ever was...
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"Melanoia" - I think you've just coined a new term to add to our melanoma lexicon. I LOVE IT!! And haven't we all experienced it!
ReplyDeleteBut if you were to write a dictionary entry, I think the 2nd entry would have to be a definition of the word as it applies to the medical profession's form of melanoia. The one that has every medical professional seeing every melanoma survivor's illness as a possible metastasis that requires a full battery of tests & scans - resulting in another round of scanxiety for the patient and thus feeding the patient's melanoia.
Reality is that medical melanoia is what has me avoiding the medical profession until I just can't avoid them any longer simply because I'm trying to avoid melanoia - their's or my own!