If I Had A Billion Dollars

I greatly admire billionaires who are just about as good at giving away money as they are at making it. A case in point is hedge fund billionaire Leon Black, who along with his wife Debra (a melanoma survivor) co-founded Melanoma Research Alliance. Check them out at www.curemelanoma.org.

Every so often I daydream about winning a big lottery jackpot and starting my own little philanthropic foundation. I’d name it “Rich’s Riches For The Cure”. (Of melanoma, of course.) But unless I actually start buying lottery tickets my daydreams don’t stand even a 1 in 175 million chance of coming true; and there’s just no honest way for a lawyer to get filthy rich practicing law.

But at least I have a song for my daydreams. To the tune of “If I Had A Million Dollars” from Barenaked Ladies…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHacDYj8KZM


 

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you a gown (I’d buy you a gown)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you designers for your gowns (maybe a nice Givenchy or Ralph Lauren)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d hide all your late scars (a nice reliant black ribbon deal)
And if I had a billion dollars, I’d buy cure drugs

If I had a billion dollars, I’d build IV fort in your yard
If I had a billion dollars you could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a billion dollars maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.
“You know, we could just go up there and hang out.”
“Like open the fridge and stuff, and there’d all be meds laid out for us like little pre-wrapped dosages and things. They have pre-wrapped dosages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon.”
“Well can you blame them?”
“Yeah.”

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you a cure haute (we need a real cure haute that’s cool)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you an exotic med (yep, like your mama I would free you)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you insurance that pays (maul them lazy insurance drones)
And if I had a billion dollars I’d buy cure drugs

If I had a billion dollars we wouldn’t have to walk to doc’s store
If I had a billion dollars we’d take a limousine ’cause it costs more
If I had a billion dollars we wouldn’t have to be Black’s dinner
“But we would be Black winners.”
“Of course we would, we’d just beat more.”
“And buy really expensive checkups with it.”
“That’s right, all the fanciest C’s gone checkups.”

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you some free meds (we need some real free meds, that’s true)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you doc’s art (A free onc show like he’s your uncle)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
Well I’d buy you some sunscreen (haven’t you always wanted some sunscreen?!)
And if I had a billion dollars I’d buy cure drugs

If I had a billion dollars; if I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars; if I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars… I’d be Rich!