Pembro-what?

The wonderful melanoma treatment news this week is that Merck’s PD-1 drug, Pembrolizumab, is likely within weeks of receiving FDA approval. (By the way, does the pharmaceutical industry believe that the less pronounceable a new cancer drug’s name is, the more they can charge for it per dose?) Read all about it here.

I know there are so many folks here at The Hotel Melanoma who’ve run out of other options and been rather anxiously, to put it mildly, awaiting the availability of PD-1 treatment. With hopes and prayers this is the lifesaver for them, here’s The Hotel Melanoma rendition of ZZ Top’s “Tush”…



I been up, I been down.
Take my word, my days weigh down.
I ain't askin' for much.
I said, Lord, make C pipe down,
I'm just lookin' for some drugs.

I been sad, I’ve withstood,
Malice nexus, it ain’t good.
I ain't askin' for much.
I said, Lord, it’s a countdown,
I'm just lookin' for some drugs.

Take me back way back home,
Not by myself, not alone.
I ain't askin' for much.
I said, Lord, make C bow down,
I'm just lookin' for some drugs.

Persistence

Being a lucky fellow who’s shown no evidence of disease for almost eleven years after a Stage IIIc diagnosis and biochemotherapy treatments, I’m one of the slackers living at The Hotel Melanoma. Consequently, I move about the cyber-halls of this place in a constant state of awe about the quiet courage and persistence of my Stage IV melahomies who’ve undergone multiple surgeries and drug treatment regimens. And all while continuing to go on about the business of living their lives as long and as fully and richly as they are able. I’m quite often ashamed of how very little I do to lend emotional support to those who are fighting for their lives, withdrawing to my own safe little NED room because I just can’t take the pain of always being there for others and I’d rather write fluffy blog posts and get more pageviews.

Who knows what my medical future may bring, but one thing is certain. Should I ever find myself in Stage IV territory I’ll surely have a lot of fine role models. Many have succumbed to their disease but none have “lost” their battle.

For all of you badass Stage IV warriors, both the living and the passed, here’s The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Don Henley’s “Heart of the Matter”…



I got the call today that I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talking on the phone
She said you're on end run

And I thought of all the bad luck
And the struggles you went through
And how I lost C and you lost you

What are these voices outside closed Hotel door
Make us throw off our ‘contentment’
And beg for one year more?

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew
I'm learning again

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about persistence, persistence
Even if, even when you don't want to anymore

Ah, these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can one survive in such a cureless age?

Ah, the trust and self-assurance
That lead to happiness
They're the very things C kills, I guess
Ah, pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the wall I put between us
You know, it doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about persistence, persistence
Even if, even when you don't want to anymore

There are people in your life
Who've come and gone
They let you down
You know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you, baby
'Cause' life goes on
If you keep carrying that anger
It'll eat you up inside, baby

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about persistence, persistance
Even if, even when you don't want to

I've been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinking about persistence, forgiveness
Even if, even when you don't want to

Persistence
(Yeah)
Forgiveness
(Baby)
Persistence
(Oh, oh)
Forgiveness
(Ah, yeah)
Persistence
(Oh)
Forgiveness
Even when you don't want to anymore

Persistence
(Oh)
Forgiveness
(Oh)
Persistence
Forgiveness

Old Tans

I’m feeling just a bit worn and leathery today, kind of like the old golf club grips I had replaced the other day, so here’s The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Neil Young’s “Old Man”…



Old tans, look at my hide
I'm a lot like hue slur
Old tans, look at my hide
I'm a lot like hue slur

Old tans, look at my hide
Plenty sore and skin checks are bore
Skin’s a-prone to a parasite
That makes me think of U

Sun-crossed, such a cost
Gave me things that don't get lost
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Growing moles to view

Old tans, take a look at my hide
I've got docs in queue
I need someone to cut me
The whole day through
Ah, one look at my slides
And you can tell that's true

Sol abides, look at your prize
Run around in stained blue gown
Doesn't mean that much to C
To mean that much to you

I've been nursed and scanned
Look at how the time goes past
But I'm all pale tone at last
Growing moles to view

Old tans, take a look at my hide
I've got docs in queue
I need someone to cut me
The whole day through
Ah, one look at my slides
And you can tell that's true

Old tans, look at my hide
I'm a lot like hue slur
Old tans, look at my hide
I'm a lot like hue slur

Ban The Golf Tan

I quite often amaze myself on the golf course. And, when I do, it’s almost never a good thing. As an inconsistent ball-striker who’s always one bad swing or ill-advised club selection away from a scoring disaster, I’m quite capable of following up a birdie with a triple bogey. Several of the better players in my Extremely Senior Golf League carry GPS devices and, in a gesture of gentlemanly sportsmanship, they’ll tell me the exact yardage from my current lie (often in deep rough) to the pin. This would be useful information if only I had a clue how far I’ll hit any particular club at any given moment, but I don’t. Take yesterday, for example, when I sailed an unusually well-struck 6-iron over a green and into a thick grove of Ponderosa pines, leading to a double bogey on a relatively easy par 3 hole. Oy.

But at least I’ve learned how not to sport a melanoma-inducing bad golf tan like those depicted above. Which I can’t say for all too many of the players for whom GPS distance finders are useful tools for lowering one’s score. Please, please wear your sunscreen when out on the links, folks, because you really won’t like it here at The Hotel Melanoma.

To the tune of Journey’s “Any Way You Want It”…



Any day you golfin’
That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’

C loves to chaff
C loves to zing
C does perishing

C loves to move
C loves to groove
C loves the blushing skins

Oh, all white, all white
Oh, every site
So ‘screen right, ‘screen right
Oh, baby, bold white

Oh, he said
"Any day you golfin’
That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’"
(any day you golfin’)
He said, "Any day you golfin’
That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’"

I was duff prone, I never knew
What good clubs could do
When I clutched
When I swang, about the rough all spring

Oh, all white, all white
Oh, every site
So ‘screen right, ‘screen right
Oh baby, bold white

Oh, he said
"Any day you golfin’
That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’"
(any day you golfin’)
I said "Any day you golfin’
That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’"

He said, "Ooh, hole’s long, hole’s long, hole’s long"

Oh, he said
"Any day you golfin
’ That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’"
(Any day you golfin’)

Any day you golfin’
That's the day you ‘screen skin
Any day you golfin’
(Any day you golfin’)

The Flat Earth Association

In response to the Surgeon General’s “Call to Action to Prevent Skin Cancer”, the American Suntanning Association issued a very predictable press release full of denial, which included the following gem: "’I believe the report overstates the risk of sunshine and sunbeds while completely ignoring the benefits of sensible UV exposure,’ says Barton D. Bonn, president of the American Suntanning Association”. Did I think ASA would respond by acknowledging that the industry’s product is a dangerous carcinogen and apologizing for selling it to unsuspecting young people who think they have to be tanned to be attractive? Not for a moment. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I have learned in the course of sixty-one years of life that a lust for money quite often gets in the way of telling the truth.

For my ‘friends’ at the American Suntanning Association, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of R.E.M.’s “Shiny Happy People”…



Slimy crafty people grabbing

Treat me to a shroud, people, people
Throw your sun around, love C, love C
Bake skin into brown, happy, happy
Put kids in the ground where the flowers grow
Gold and silver shine

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Everyone around, sun them, sun them
Put kids in your hands, bake it, ache it
There's more time to lie, crafty,
Tell them from your heart where no sorrow shines
Gold and silver shine

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Whoa, here we go

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Slimy crafty people selling tans
People, crafty people
People