Dermatology's The Prodigy

According to a recent New York Times article, dermatology is one of the highest paying medical specialties. The reason for that is that a dermatologist can perform a lot of relatively quick and easy “procedures” in a day, e.g. a simple biopsy of a suspicious mole, and bill a handsome sum for each one of them. Since my oncologist kicked me halfway to the curb a year or so ago, I’ve had first-hand experience with the billing prowess of a dermatology clinic. Some very minor outpatient surgery last month to take a second whack at a squamous cell carcinoma will cost me a rather astounding hospital “facilities charge”. I can hardly wait to receive the doc’s bill for the “procedure” itself, which was actually performed by a resident with a modicum of supervision from his faculty mentor. And I’m sure the pathologist won’t come cheap either.

Lawyers, on the other hand, are just plain stupid because we generally bill by the hour-- despite the fact that some of our hours are worth a whole lot more to the client than others because sometimes, through years of experience and training, we’re able to quickly and efficiently solve some complex and high-stakes legal problem, and other times we’re stumped and spinning our wheels. Even at the astronomical hourly rates charged by Big Law firms, which routinely send three lawyers to appear at a mundane hearing at which only one will open his mouth in the courtroom, few lawyers can hold a candle to medical specialists when it comes to capturing the full fair market value of performing a specialized “procedure” a dozen times a day. Docs, my hat goes off to you (but only in the shade) for understanding that the time you spend with something like a scalpel in your hands is worth a whole lot more to the patient than your time spent doing a routine office examination, and billing accordingly.

Half-wishing my Mama had kicked me up the side of the head when I first mentioned applying to law school, I’ll sign off with the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Waylon and Willie’s “Mamas,Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys”…



Lawboys ain't easy to love and their bar years get old.
They'd rather bill you a song than diamonds or gold.
Old scarred belt buckles and old faded green ties,
And each fight begins a new way.
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young,
He'll prob'ly just write away.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be lawboys.
Don't let 'em fix tickets or charge hourly bucks.
Let 'em be doctors and surgeons and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be lawboys.
'Cuz they'll never stay home and they're always on phone.
Ev’nings with some judge they ‘love’.

Lawboys like smoky old board rooms and clear pharma warnings, Divorce borne yuppies and felons and girls of the night.
Them that don't know him won't like him and them that do,
Sometimes won't know how to take him.
He ain't wrong, he's just different but his pride won't let him,
Do things to make you think he's right.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be lawboys.
Don't let 'em spring drug czars or bail out old drunks.
Let 'em be doctors and surgeons and such.
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be lawboys.
'Cuz they'll never stay home and they're always on phone.
Ev’nings with some judge they ‘love’.