Shiver Spells

A new addition to The Hotel Melanoma Christmas Album, to the tune of Johnny Mathis’ “Silver Bells”…



Shiver spells, shiver spells
It's skin check time in the clinic
Ding-a-ling, fear tan fling
Soon it will be skin mass day

Clinic hide docs, busy hide docs
Dressed in doctors’ gay style
In the air there's a feeling of skin mass
Skin gets bashing, needle gashing
Leaving ‘smile’ after while
And for every deep mole here you fear

Shiver spells, shiver spells
It's skin check time in the clinic
Ding-a-ling, fear tan fling
Soon it will be skin mass day

Skin check makes you feel emotional
It may bring parties or thoughts devotional
Whatever happens or what may be
Here's what skin check time means to me

Shiver spells, shiver spells
It's skin check time in the clinic
Ding-a-ling, fear tan fling
Soon it will be skin mass day

Soon it will be skin mass day

Counting My Blessings

This coming Saturday is my tenth ‘cancerversary’ of completing biochemotherapy and starting a blessedly long run with “no evidence of disease” status. And yesterday I received the excellent news that my older brother’s Stage 3 lung cancer is officially in remission after a barrage of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. My thirteen-week-old golden retriever pup is thriving and my wife of thirty-two years is still putting up with me. A brand new Bass Pro Shop a couple of miles from home just held its grand opening. And I got to spend last weekend with several of my favorite melahomies. A whole lot to be thankful for, don’t you think?

With thanks to all of the fine physicians who got me here, and wishing you all a happy and blessed Thanksgiving, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Thank You” from Sly & The Family Stone…



Lookin' at Black Devil
Skin C’s on a run
Boomer starts shakin'
I begin drug ‘fun’
T-cells start chasin’
I’m too in to stop
We begin to wrestle
C was on the top

I want to thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
Thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten

Stiff all in the collar
Puffy in the face
Git that cancer dyin’
Stuffy in this place
Thank you for the ‘party’
But I could never stay
Many thangs is on my mind
Cure’s on the way

I want to thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
Thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten

Dance to the ‘fusin
All night long
Everyday people
Singe their skin to bronze
Mela's so crappy
Mela starts to die
Doctuh still thinkin’
You can shake it if you try

I want to thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
(Different dopes for different folks, yeah)
Thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten

Flamin' fries should people fear
Burnin' in your youth
Many friends are sittin’ ducks
Braisin’s what they do
Youths in booths are bakin' stuff
Skin C’s got a starter, now
Dyin' young is hard to take
Palin' out is smarter

Thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
I want to thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
Thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
Thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten
I want to thank you for lettin’ me
Be myself for ten

Tutus Are Made For Walking

Yo, melanoma! You’ve been messing with the wrong people and one of these days we’re gonna walk all over you. So, Mr. ‘Just Skin Cancer’, get ready for a stomping. Because it’s coming. Soon.

For all of you who’ve participated in melanoma fundraising walks and runs this year, and especially for the melahomie who roped me into walking (again) this weekend in a black tutu, here’s The Hotel Melanoma rendition of one of the worst songs of the 60’s, Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made For Walking”…



You keep saying you got something for we
Something you call ‘love’ but just guess
You've been a'messin' where you shouldn't 've been a'messin'
And now someone else is getting all your ‘best’
Well, tutus are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these dudes are gonna walk all over you

You keep tryin' when you oughta be losin'
You keep ‘busin’ friends you oughta not get
You keep preyin' when you oughta be a'prayin’
What's right is right but you ain't been right yet
Tutus are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these dudes are gonna walk all over you

You keep preying where you shouldn't be preying
And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH)
Well, I've just found me some brand new oncs with matches (YEAH)
And what they know you ain't had time to learn
Tutus are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
One of these days these dudes are gonna walk all over you

Are you ready, dudes?
Start walkin'

Legs

This coming Saturday I’ll be participating in my second AIM For The Cure Melanoma Walk in Charlotte, North Carolina. I’d be tickled black to have folks sponsor me, or somebody, but next weekend is more about fellowship than fundraising. For example, the melahomie who surreptitiously took this picture at last year’s walk is one of the folks I’m really looking forward to seeing again. Although I won’t let her get behind me again during the walk.

For my fellow Man in Black, and all who will be there in person or in spirit, The Hotel Melanoma rendition of ZZ Top’s “Legs”…



They got legs, they know how to use them
They never beg, they know how to woo skins
They only let you wonder how to feel them
Would you get behind them if you could only find them
Feel like ladies, feel like ladies
Yeah, it's all right

They got dare down to their fanny
They got a dress slit right up to their manlies
Every time they prancin' they know what to do
Everybody wants to see, see if C can lose it
C’s so ‘fine’, C’s all mine
Cure, you got it right

They got legs, they know how to use them
They never beg, they know how to woo skins
C stalks the hide all of the time
Stays out of sight movin' through time
Oh, I want cure, said I got to have cure
The cure is so nigh, C’s all fright

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

This month marks my tenth anniversary of completing the biochemotherapy treatments that still have me on the preferred side of the grass. (Although when I play golf I spend a lot of time on “the beach”.) With thanks to the fine docs who did me the great service of referring me to melanoma specialists for a treatment regimen that wasn’t available locally and with gratitude for the merry band of medics at the University of Colorado Hospital who got me through that wild ride, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of Bonnie Raitt’s “Love Me Like A Man”…



The docs that I've been seeing, baby
Got them nodes out on a shelf
They know they could never drug me
So they sent me to somewhere else

But I need someone to drug me
Someone to really understand
Who can put himself above C
Who’ll just drug me with a plan

I never seen such ‘fusers darlin’
Even though I tried…
…to find docs fine who can get me home
’stead of taking me for a ride

And I need someone to drug me
I know you can
Believe me when I tell you
You can drug me like a man

Oh they want me to rock meds
So my Black ain't got no home
I want a plan to block C
Like my… Black mole was his own
Baby, I know you can
Believe me when I tell you
You can drug me like a man

I come home bad and boney
Feel like I wanna die
I need someone to scold C
Not some fools who’d let me die

And I need someone to drug me
Doctor I know you can

Won't you put yourself above C
You just drug me like you can