Banned From The Sun

I recently found out that I’m a two-time loser in the ‘just skin cancer’ lottery. First and foremost it was a Stage IIIc melanoma diagnosis in 2003. Ten years later, it’s a squamous cell cancer and yet another warning that I’m covered with moles (several of which were the subject of new mug shots taken in the mole mapping room) that could develop into new primary melanoma tumors. But I refuse to hide indoors the rest of my life-- I live in Colorado, for gosh sakes, and I love to hike, ski and play golf. (Yard work, not so much.) So I’m going to keep on getting out there, soaked in sunscreen and donned in SPF apparel, and sporting the skin tone of a guy who just got paroled from the Feds’ Supermax prison down in Florence, Colorado, after bunking with Unabomber Ted Kaczynski for the last decade. Although I don’t think I’m quite ready to carry a parasol on the trail, slope, or fairway…

To the tune of Paul McCartney’s “Band On The Run”…

Stuck inside these four walls
Sent inside forever
Never seeing no sun, hide again, yikes U
Sunspot U, sunspot U

If I ever get out of here
Thought of hiding it all from rays
Through a derm-preferred UV screen
All I need is a pint a day
If I ever get out of here
If I ever get out of here

Well the vain exploded with a mighty rash
As they dwelled in U from sun
And the skin doc said to this freckled one fair
I hope your tanning's done

Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
I’m a paler man sans ray-born tan
They’re searching every one

For I’m banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
For I’m banned from the sun
Banned from the sun

Well the undertaker drew a heavy sigh
Seeing more sun-dwelled had come
And a bell was ringing in the village square
For the tan beds on the run

Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
I’m a paler man sans ray-born tan
Docs searching every one

For I’m banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
Yea I’m banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun

Well sun fright was falling as the mela world
Began to heckle browned
In our gowns they’re searching on us everywhere
‘Cause C never will be downed

Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
Tan was deadly smudge, U held a grudge
Skin searched for evermore

For I’m banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun
Banned from the sun