Music For Mole Checks

I’m well aware that my non-melanoma world of family and friends pretty much ignores my silly blog and that I’m preaching to the choir. A lot of my Facebook friends who aren’t mole mates have probably blocked my posts because they find my awareness campaigning annoying or just plain boring. My guess is that a lot of us at the Hotel Melanoma are living a kind of ‘double life’. The cancer part of it isn’t meant to be a secret to the non-cancer part of it, but it is. Even my wife asked me the other day if I’d started writing songs “again”.

Oh well, here’s one to sing at your next bare-it-all skin inspection (and maybe a non-mole mate or three will have one performed this year?!). To the tune of The Rolling Stones’ “It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOMTnLHDWRA


If I could stick a pen on my chart
And spill it all over my stage
Would it gratify ya, would it slide on by ya
Would you think this boy is strange? Ain't he strange?

If I could spin ya, if I could sing ya
A mole song that’s a rhyme
Would it be enough to cause bleeding hearts
If I broke down and died? If I died?

I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it
I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it, like it, yes, I do
Oh, well, I like it, I like it, I like it
I said can't you see that this old boy has sung a homily?

If I could stick a knife in my chart
Homicide is my stage
Would it take the buff off your tanning lust
Would it make you dread your sheen? Spread your ‘screen?

If I could dig down deep in my heart
Feelings would flood on the page
Would it notify ya, would it slide on by ya
Would ya think the boy's insane? He's insane

I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it
I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it, like it, yes, I do
Oh, well, I like it, I like it, I like it
I said can't you see that this old boy has sung a homily?

And do ya think that there’s some wonder cure around?
I bet you think that pink’s the only cancer in town

I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it
I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it
I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it
I said I know it's only checkin’ moles but I like it, like it, yes, I do
Oh, well, I like it, I like it. I like it...

Save The Date!

There’s going to be a fundraising walk for the AIM at Melanoma Foundation on November 17 in Charlotte, North Carolina. I’ve been conspiring with some fellow bloggers and others in the melanoma community to make this event something more than a morning walk in the park, and perhaps a sort of mole mate Woodstock gathering. Plans are sketchy at this point, but we can pretty much guarantee there’ll be a rousing after-party, which will likely include some loud music and table dancing. If the Mayan calendar is right, this could be one of your last chances to teach the pink world that we at the Hotel Melanoma are younger and cooler and really know how to party. So save the date. Details to follow.

To get you into the spirit, here’s a new version of ZZ Top’s La Grange…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vppbdf-qtGU


Rumour spreadin' a-'round in this cyber town
'bout this walk outside in Charlotte
and you’ll know what I'm talkin' about.
Just let me know if you wanna go
to this walk that’s all the rage.
There’ll be lotta nice folks ah.

Have mercy.
A haw, haw, haw, haw, a haw.
A haw, haw, haw.

Well, come wear your sign if you got the time
and the black to put yourself in.
A hmm, hmm.
And we’ll party right, most ev'ry night,
but now I might be mistaken.
hmm, hmm, hmm.

Ah have mercy.

Your Wildest Dreams

2011 was a banner year for treatment advances for Stage IV melanoma. Unfortunately, the vast majority of Stage III fighters are stuck in 1996, the year the FDA approved interferon as an adjuvant treatment for Stage III melanoma. Given this dearth of treatment options, and the toxicity and limited effectiveness of interferon, many opt for the emotionally excruciating “wait and see” approach. A lucky few of us win the melanoma lottery and get a shot at a clinical trial treatment. And all too many Stage III patients eventually progress to Stage IV, which my own doc just a few years ago bluntly described as “uniformly fatal”.

Can you imagine the public uproar we’d be witnessing if Stage III breast cancer patients stood in these same shoes today?

My wildest dreams are that 2012 is a year of breakthrough treatment advances for Stage III warriors. (A six-week presidential election campaign with no TV ads came in as a close second.) And that some respected celebrity, and I’m not thinking Kardashian ilk here, uses the bully pulpit of fame to vocally and visibly champion the melanoma cause.

What’s your wildest dream?

Thanks to The Moody Blues, there’s a great old song to accompany your musings…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmmPFrkuPq0


Once upon a time
Once when tans were mine
I remember fries
Convecting was my prize
I wonder where cures are
I wonder if they
Lurk about me
Once upon a time
In my wildest dreams

Once my skin was new
My body wore no sunscreen hue
That greets high UV day
I wouldn't tear myself away
I wonder if cure’s there
I wonder if I’ll see December
Once upon a time
In my wildest dreams

And when insurance pays
And when my claims are
Left in fallow
When the music plays
I hear the sound
That I’m on hold now
Once upon a time
Once beneath the stars
The universe was ours
Cures for all were new
And all we knew was through
I wonder if cells grow
I wonder if docs know about it
Once upon a time
In my wildest dreams

And when the music plays
And when my words are
Touched with sorrow
When the music plays
And when the music plays
I hear some sounds
I have to borrow
Once upon a time

Once upon a time
Once when tans were fine
I remember skies
Mirrored in the tides
I wonder where cures are
I wonder if they
Lurk about me
Once upon a time
In my wildest dreams
In my wildest dreams
In my wildest dreams
In my wildest dreams

A Resolution Solution

If you’re anything like me, you suffer from no shortage of raw material for New Year’s resolutions. But in the unlikely events that a) you’re near-perfect and can’t think of anything else to work on; and b) you’ve yet to check into the Hotel Melanoma and are actually reading this post, here’s a suggestion: resolve to get your skin checked in 2012. And if you don’t want to (or can’t afford to) pay for it then go to a local health fair that offers melanoma screenings.

If you won’t listen to me, then please listen to Malcolm and Angus Young of AC/DC, to the tune of “It’s A Long Way To The Top (If You Want To Rock ‘n’ Roll)”…



Wond’rin’ what will docs say
Hopin’ you don’t glow
Blockin’ all the pathways
Playin' whack-a-mole
Gettin' probed
Gettin' stoned
Gettin' beat up
Skin and bones
Gettin' sad
Gettin' looks
I tell you folks
It's harder than it looks
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin' moles
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin’ moles
If you think it's easy tied to IV stands
Try stayin' in this Hotel M land
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin’ moles

Hotel M’s hell
Make you wanna fly
Doorman do the hard sell
Knows your stay’s for life
Gettin' old
Gettin' grey
Gettin' ticked off
Bills ain’t paid
Gettin' told
Second hand
That's how it goes
Livin' in this land
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin’ moles
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin’ moles
If you wanna be a star of stage don’t ‘screen
Look out it's rough and mean
It’s a long way to the top
If you want a Stage IV role
It's a long way to the onc’s
If you want to see a pro
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin’ moles
It's a sure way to the onc
If you don’t go checkin’ moles
Well, it's a sure way
It's a sure way, (so they tell me)
It's a sure way, such a sure way

Still More Verses For Nurses

I’ve been hospitalized five times during my stay at the Hotel Melanoma. Each time I was too ill and zonked on meds to care, or even notice, whether any of my nurses were head-turners. I do, nevertheless, remember that all of them were angels who did their best to care for a very sick and often quite cranky patient—and to keep green residents from killing me. So, I can’t think of a better way to kick off 2012 than with a lyrical “thank you” to the nursing profession. In my book, you’re all beautiful people.

To the tune of Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PLq0_7k1jk


Pretty R.N., working on my beat
Pretty R.N., the kind that’s quick to treat
Pretty R.N.
I don't believe you, you're not the truth
No one could nurse as good as you
Mercy

Pretty R.N., won't you pardon me
Pretty R.N., I shouldn't try to flee
Pretty R.N.
And you are caring as can be
Despite patients just like me
Wow

Pretty R.N., stop a while
Pretty R.N., tap that vial
Pretty R.N., give this trial to me
Pretty R.N., yeah yeah yeah
Pretty R.N., earns her pay
Pretty R.N., say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, you'll treat me right
Save me from Doogie, he’s cause for fright

Pretty R.N., won’t walk on by
Pretty R.N., won’t let me die
Pretty R.N., keep me at bay, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I won’t go roam, it's late
There'll be tomorrow’s fright, but wait
What do I see
She’s got IV bags for me
Yeah, more IV bags for me
Oh, oh, Pretty R.N.