Singing the Swamp Golf Blues

As this wet and chilly Melanoma Awareness Month in the Rockies winds down, I’m left with a ‘burning’ question for Dr. Science (whom I am not): Can UV radiation penetrate water? I mean, I was strolling down the par-3 17th hole on Wednesday (after once again splashing a lovely tee shot in the above-pictured bunker) and listening to the frogs croaking. Despite the fact that the 17th hole lies nowhere near a stream or lake. Did I wake up back in Oregon this month? Oy.

My ‘in-depth’ research tells me that as long as you can still see light underwater, you are still getting hit by UV rays. Plus, any exposed flesh sitting above the water line is getting hit by extra UV radiation reflecting off the water. So thank heavens I was out on the links clad in UPF-50 duds and sunscreen, as well as a good bit of mud left over from trying to hit balls off of swampy fairways. And, with little thanks owed to me, my 3-man best ball team won $4 apiece!

Pining for a sunnier and dryer weekend, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Sam Cooke’s “Another Saturday Night”…



Another Saturday night and I ain't got glow body
I want some sunny but I must stay pale
How I wish I had some sun to block to
I'm in an awful way

I got in town a month ago, I heard a lotta frogs since then
If I could see 'em I could get 'em but as yet I haven't met 'em
That's why I'm in the shape I'm in

Here another Saturday night and I ain't got glow body
I want some sunny but I must stay pale
How I wish I had some sun to block to
I'm in an awful way

Another fella told me he had a swing coach who fixed a slice
Instead of being my deliverance, he had a strange resemblance
To a tan-maimed Frankenstein

Here's another Saturday night and I ain't got glow body
I want some sunny but I must stay pale
How I wish I had some sky to block U
I'm in an awful way

Here it is another weekend and I ain't got glow body
Man if I was back home I'd be swinging
Two strokes under par
Aww yeah
Listen to me huh

It's hard on a fella, when he don't know just where’s dry ground
If I don't find me some sunny to help me mend lie muddy
I'm gonna have to blow this round

Here it's another Saturday night and I ain't got glow body
I want some sunny but I must stay pale
How I wish I had some sky to block U
I'm in an awful way

Don't Fry Day 2015

The National Council on Skin Cancer Prevention has designated this Friday Don't Fry Day to encourage sun safety awareness. But with all of the soggy weather we’ve been having in my neck of the Colorado woods I’m afraid it’s going to be another “No Sky Day”. Like, I was fool enough to try to play some golf the other day with my Extremely Senior Men’s League and several of my tee shots splashed on landing even when I managed to hit the fairway. Even the sand traps had been transformed into water hazards. And after successfully hitting one rescue shot out of swampy and deep rough I found my ball embedded in the fairway and barely visible to the naked eye. Oy.

So if this Friday turns out to be a dry and sunny day I just may risk an indecent exposure charge (as well as the opprobrium of my unfortunate playing partners) and play naked sans sunscreen just to soak up some excessive UV radiation, which at this altitude is 35% more intense than at sea level. Take THAT dear National Council on Skin Cancer Prevention.

Hoping that Friday brings ‘fryable’ playing conditions, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma take on The Beatles’ “Good Day Sunshine”…



Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine.
I need to golf, and when the sun is out
I've got some swings I can laugh about,
I play woods, in a ‘special’ way.
I'm golf gloved and it's a sunny day.

Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine.
We ruin good walk, the sun is shining down,
Always cheat when I play a round.

Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine.
And when ball lies, behind a shady tree,
I move it so I’m swinging free.
Par’d be good, although I’m on in five.
I'm allowed two strokes, that green is mine.

Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine.
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine,
Good day sunshine.

Eye Patch Day 2015

My melahomies of the ocular persuasion receive way too little attention from the media and general public during this Melanoma Awareness Month of May, and almost none during the rest of the year. According to the Ocular Melanoma Foundation, ocular melanoma (a/k/a uveal melanoma) is diagnosed in about 2,500 adults in the United States every year and it fatally metastasizes (most often to the liver) in about half of all cases. OM is the second most common type of melanoma after cutaneous melanoma and represents about 5% of all melanomas.

The Ocular Melanoma Foundation, in collaboration with A Cure In Sight , have designated this Wednesday, May 20 as Eye Patch Day 2015, when OM warriors around the globe will wear eye patches to raise ocular melanoma awareness. I hope everyone living at The Hotel Melanoma will join together in showing some love and support for our OM mates by recognizing Eye Patch Day 2015.

Just in case I’m unable to find a couple of eye patches for the pup and me, plus a selfie stick to take a photo of us, here’s an unaltered song for my OM friends from The Flamingos-- because on Eye Patch Day 2015 “I Only Have Eyes For You”…



My love must be a kind of blind love
I can't see anyone but you

Are the stars out tonight?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
I only have eyes for you, dear

The moon may be high
But I can't see a thing in the sky
I only have eyes for you

I don't know if we're in a garden
Or on a crowded avenue

You are here and so am I
Maybe millions of people go by
But they all disappear from view
And I only have eyes for you

I Can't Help Myself

I was fortunate enough to spend several days in Arizona last week and, although I didn’t much like it, managed to practice what I preach and spend a sun-safe holiday in the desert. My walking and lap swimming took place before 9 a.m. I booked a 7 a.m. tee time (on a snazzy course that was way too expensive for a guy whose USGA handicap index comes with a parking sticker) and still played in a UPF-50 long-sleeved golf shirt and slacks ensemble. My poolside time was spent under an umbrella. (Picture a white whale lounging on a deck chair.) I did take a midday mountain bike ride in shorts and a t-shirt (and no squirrelly bike helmet, thank you very much) but I was dutifully well-coated in sunscreen. But, truth be told, I was longing all the while to bask in the sun and lose my phosphorescent white sheen. Oy.

Until next time, I’ll sign off with a love song to my lost love the Sun, to the tune of The Four Tops' “I Can’t Help Myself”…



Sugar pie honey bunch
You know that I love you
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else
In and out my life
You come and you go
Leaving just your cancer behind
And I kicked it a thousand times

When you snap your fingers
Or wink your eye
I come a running to you
I'm tied to you, baby
And there's nothing I can do
Ooh, cant' help myself, no I can't help myself, come

Sugar pie honey bunch
I'm weaker than a man should be
I can't help myself
I'm a fool in love you see
Want to tell you I don't love you
Tell you that we're through
And I've tried
But every time I see your face
I get up all choked up inside

When I call your name, Sol
It starts the flame burning in my heart
Tearin' it all apart
No matter how I try
My love I cannot hide

Sugar pie honey bunch
You now that I'm weak for you
I can't help myself
I love you and nobody else

Sugar pie honey bunch
I'll do anything you ask me to
I can't help myself
I want you and nobody else

Sugar pie honey bunch
You know that I love you
I can't help myself
No I can help myself
Sugar pie honey bunch

Melanoma Monday 2015

Despite the past efforts of a few misguided souls to get us to dress like giant Cheetos on Melanoma Monday, most of the melanoma community embraces our true awareness color, BLACK. (I’ve taken to wearing black boxer briefs every day of the year, but I’m guessing you really didn’t want to know that and I most assuredly won’t be posting any selfies to document my dedication to black.) Please stand together with your chic and well-informed melahomies on Melanoma Monday, May 4, and “Paint it Black”.

Every awareness event needs an anthem, and I couldn’t think of one more fitting for a united Melanoma Monday 2015 than Ben E. King’s “Stand by Me”…



When sun fright has come
And the scan is stark
And the moon is the only light I'll see
No, I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me
Stand by me

If sun fry, that I took chance on
Makes frontal assault
And this old man should crumble to Black C
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me
Stand by me

So darling, darling
Stand by me, oh stand by me
Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by me
Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me
Oh stand by me, oh won't you stand now, stand
Stand by me
Stand by me