Introduction

The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.



Tutu Brothers

Friday, December 12, 2014

'Tis the Season



You know, there’s just nothing that says “Happy Holidays” like a predawn road trip on a cold mid-December morning for a full-body skin check at my favorite cancer center. But I’ve got to get this medical stuff done before 2015 when my deductible will skyrocket, thank you so very much Mr. President. My skin checks in 2015 may have to consist of posting a series of intimate selfies and mole mug shots on the American Academy of Dermatology’s Facebook page and requesting comments. If anything needs biopsying , I think I could get Palmer’s vet to do the cutting, equally well and at a far lower cost.

Wish me luck. Until next time, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of AC/DC’s “Mistress for Christmas”…



Tingle spells, tingle spells
Tingle all the day
I just can't wait till Christmas time
When I get moles checked on Friday

Easy come, easy go
Have a good time with Doctor Mole
Snippin' up high, snippin' down low
Glove'm and bleed'm, on with the show

Olay

Listen, I like signing forms in minimal dress
Money to spend with deductible mess
Get a date with the surgeon in dread
Gonna be in heaven with green as my meds

Said "Yeah"
He got it, I want it
They got it, I can't have it
But I want it, it don't matter
She got it, but I can't get it
I want a skin check for Christmas
I want a skin check for Christmas
I got it
Haha yeah
I want a skin check for Christmas
Gown On

Easy come, easy go
Snippin' high, snippin' low yeah

Alright
He got it, I want it
They got it, I can't have it
I want it, don't matter
She got it, and I can't get it -
Skin check (he got it, and I want it) Christmas
They got it, I can't have it
Skin check (I want it, it don't matter) for Christmas
She got it, and I can't get it
Skin check for Christmas

You know what I'm talkin' about
Skin check for Christmas
You better shut the door, you better shut the door
Skin check for Christmas
I want the surgeon with thread with tokes as my meds

Skin check for Christmas
I can feel you cutting down my old back
I lost some hide in your chamber sonny and didn’t yell

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