Just What The Doctor Ordered

A bill has been introduced in the Colorado General Assembly that would prohibit tanning salons from allowing the use of tanning beds by anyone under the age of 18, unless the minor has a written prescription from a physician authorizing the use. So I got to wondering whether any reputable and competent physician would prescribe commercial tanning bed use for a patient.

Based on a statement on indoor tanning from the American Society for Dermatologic Surgery Association, the answer seems to be an emphatic “no”. The ASDSA opposes such prescription exemptions in tanning bed legislation because:

“Indoor tanning does not constitute phototherapy. Contrary to claims by indoor tanning advocates, indoor tanning devices found in tanning salons do not constitute medical treatments. There are legitimate uses of UV devices to treat skin conditions such as psoriasis and eczema. However, these types of UV devices, found in physician offices, are classified differently by the Food and Drug Administration, and thus more strictly regulated.

Prescribing indoor tanning as a medical treatment puts patients at risk. Many state legislatures proposing restrictions on minors’ access to indoor tanning devices have considered provisions to allow physicians to prescribe indoor tanning. The ASDSA opposes such exemptions, as they give legitimacy to misleading claims that indoor tanning devices offer a legitimate health and medical benefit to consumers.”

And given the growing body of medical evidence indicating that indoor tanning is a big risk factor for melanoma and other forms of skin cancer, the recovering attorney in me can’t help but grin when pondering the medical malpractice liability risk for the physician writing that tanning bed prescription for a minor who subsequently checks into The Hotel Melanoma. I think a good trial lawyer could convince a jury that the doc’s ‘treatment’ was akin to writing a ‘scrip for a minor to buy a carton of cigarettes as a remedy for ADHD.

Wondering whether I should reactivate my law license and find myself an apprenticeship in medical malpractice law before launching a potentially lucrative new legal career, I’ll sign off with some new lyrics to Ted Nugent’s “Just What The Doctor Ordered”…



I got my first scar when I was ten years old
Found a love in cookin' moles
Now I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Fries gonna git my body and soul

C's so crazy
But you know that I ‘like’ it
I've found a ‘cure’ for my body and soul
I've got me an overdose from doctor’s scroll

I tanned everyday
I tanned every night
I tanned skin ‘til I blew all the zits
Now I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I don't know the meaning of quit

C’s so crazy
Yes you know, but I ‘like’ it
It crushes my head, my brain is on the border
But this is what the doctor ordered
Yes, it is

I tanned everyday
I tanned every night
I tanned skin ‘til I blew all the zits
Now I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I don't know the meaning of quit

C's so crazy
But I ‘like’ it
It crushes my head, my brain is on the border
But this is what the doctor ordered