Lookin' At My Back Door

Ah, the joys of being a melanoma patient at an academic medical center. Yesterday I enjoyed not one, but two, truly “full body” melanoma screenings at my favorite university hospital’s dermatology clinic. The first was performed by a young female resident, who rather sheepishly inquired whether it was okay if she inspected my “bottom”. My response was that I could surely take it if she could. The second inspection was a team event, wherein said resident was joined by the faculty dermatologist and a pathologist. Various spots were marked, and then it was off to the Mole Rapping Room where half a dozen or so mole mug shots were taken and run through a melanoma detection software program, and then reviewed by the docs. The good news verdict was that nothing merited a biopsy for now, just watching, and I left with all the flesh I came with.

Wishing you all a similarly thorough and “no worries” experience on your next trip to the dermatologist, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma rendition of “Lookin’ Out My Back Door” from Creedence Clearwater Revival…



Just got home from doctor boys, lock the front door, oh joy!
Got to sit down, take a rest on the porch.
Imagination sets in, pretty soon I'm singin',

Woo, hoo, hoo, lookin' at my back door.

There's a wise doc doing smart spiels, a student wearin' high heels.
Look at all the happy screeners billing all along.
A dinosaur with ‘noma, wishin' to duck more ‘fun’.

Woo, hoo, hoo, lookin' at my back door.

Faculty and residents are playing in the band.
Won't you take ya hide to the mappin’ room?
Woo, hoo, hoo.
Wond'rous apparitions inspected by physicians.

Woo, hoo, hoo, lookin' at my back door.

Faculty and residents are playing in the band.
Won't you take ya hide to the mappin’ room?
Woo, hoo, hoo.
Biopsy tomorrow, today, my hide’s no sorrow.

Woo, hoo, hoo, lookin' at my back door.

No more troubles, doctor boys, lock the front door, oh joy!
Look at all the happy screeners billing all along.
Biopsy tomorrow, today, my hide’s no sorrow.

Woo, hoo, hoo, lookin' at my back door.