Sun Bed Mash

It's almost Halloween.  And a certain indoor tanning industry trade association is holding a convention with tanning twits like Snooki and assorted Kardashians in attendance.  Anything for a buck.  So here’s The Hotel Melanoma version of “Monster Mash” by Bobby (Boris) Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers…

I was working in the lab late one night,
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight.
For my patient from his bed began to rise,
And suddenly to my surprise,

(He did the Mash,)
He did the Sun Bed Mash.
(The Sun Bed Mash,)
It was a graveyard smash.
(He did the Mash,)
It takes all of your cash.
(He did the Mash,)
He did the Sun Bed Mash.

(Wah-ooo.)
To my laboratory in the clinic east,
(Wah-ooo.)
From the tanning salons where the sun beds feast.
(Wah-ooo-wah-ooo.)
The fools all came with their swollen lymph nodes,
(Wah-ooo.)
To get a jolt from my Yervoy lode.

(They did the Mash,)
They did the Sun Bed Mash.
(The Sun Bed Mash,)
It was a graveyard smash.
(They did the Mash,)
It takes all of your cash.
(They did the Mash,)
They did the Sun Bed Mash.

(Wah-ooooo.)
The patients were having fun.
(Tenna-shoop, wah-ooo.)
The party had just begun.
(Tenna-shoop, wah-ooo.)
The guests included tan fans,
(Tenna-shoop, wah-ooo.)
Oncologists by the ton.

(Wah-ooo.)
The scene was rockin', all were diggin' the sounds.
(Wah-ooo.)
Doctors on call, back from their teaching rounds.
(Wah-ooo-wah-ooo.)
Sun coffin-sellers were about to arrive.
(Wah-ooo.)
With their vocal group, "The Mole-Kicker Five."

(They played the Mash,)
They played the Sun Bed Mash.
(The Sun Bed Mash,)
It was a graveyard smash.
(They played the Mash,)
It takes all of your cash.
(They played the Mash,)
They played the Sun Bed Mash.

(Wah-ooo.)
Out from the hallway, doc's voice did ring,
(Wah-ooo.)
Seems he was troubled by just one thing.
(Wah-ooo-wah-ooo.)
He opened the door and shook his fist,
(Wah-ooo.)
And said:
"Whatever happened to my Interferon twist?"

(It's now the Mash,)
It's now the Sun Bed Mash.
(The Sun Bed Mash,)
And it's a graveyard smash.
(It's now the Mash,)
It takes all of your cash.
(It's now the Mash,)
It's now the Sun Bed Mash.

(Wah-ooo.)
Now everything's cool, docs are part of the band.
(Wah-ooo.)
And my Sun Bed Mash is a hit for the tanned.
(Wah-ooo-wah-ooo.)
For you, my pale friends, this Mash was meant too,
(Wah-ooo.)
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you.

(Then you can Mash,)
Then you can Sun Bed Mash.
(The Sun Bed Mash,)
And do my graveyard smash.
(Then you can Mash,)
You'll lose all of your cash.
(Then you can Mash,)
Then you can Sun Bed Mash.

(Wah-ooo.)
Mmgrrrr! (Sun Bed Mash.)
(Wah-ooo.)
Mmmash good. (Sun Bed Mash.)
(Wah-ooo.)
Easy, Yervoy, you impetuous new ploy.
(Sun Bed Mash.)
(Wah-ooo, Sun Bed Mash.)
Fade.
(Wah-ooo, Sun Bed Mash.)

Happy Halloween! And thank you Al, host of Black Is The New Pink, for the photo.