The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Smoking Gun

One of the many reasons that I went wrong as a youth and became a lawyer rather than a medical doctor is that basic chemistry, physics and biology seemed like magic to me. So most of a recent article about an exciting breakthrough in melanoma research flew right past me. But the gist of it seems to be that researchers at MD Anderson have found three genetic mutations they describe as the first 'smoking gun' genomic evidence directly linking damage from UV light to melanoma.

This discovery could ultimately lead to new melanoma treatments that target these melanoma-driving gene mutations. And talk about an “inconvenient truth” for the indoor tanning industry shills, like our good friend Dr. Joseph “Carcinoma” Mercola, who are selling allegedly healthy and safe tans. Although I’m sure they’ll deny this new evidence and continue telling lies to teenagers. The industry denies the epidemiological evidence linking tanning to an increased risk of melanoma, so why let new facts get in the way of sales? All I know for sure is that if I was a plaintiff’s lawyer specializing in products liability litigation, I’d be licking my chops over this new scientific evidence that exposure to UV light causes melanoma.

For all of you purveyors of carcinogens in the indoor tanning industry, especially, Dr. Carcinoma, The Hotel Melanoma version of the Eagles’ “Lyin’ Eyes”…

Pretty girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile
A rich bold tan
And she won't have to worry
She'll dress up all in lace and prom in style

Later times the big old moles grow boldly
I guess every form of refuge has its price
And it breaks her heart to think her life is only
Given to a tanning scam as cold as ice

So you told her she must brown out for the D thing
That sun bed’s her old friend when feelin' down
But you know where she's goin' with skin C thing
She is headed for the grievin' side of brown

You can't hide your fryin’ lies
And your guile is a thing despised
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your fryin’ lies

On the other side of brown Yervoy is waiting
with surgeon’s knives and scars no one could heal
C drives on through her life so agitating
'Cause C makes her rue the rays you said would heal

She rushes to doc’s arms; they talk together
He whispers that life’s only for awhile
She swears that soon she'll be wearin’ black forever
She pulls the rays and leaves him with a smile

You can't hide your fryin' lies
And your guile is a thing despised
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't now way to hide your fryin' lies

She gets up and pours herself a strong one,
And stares out at the stars up in the sky.
Another night, it's gonna be a long one.
She draws the shade and hangs her head to cry.

She wonders how it ever got this crazy.
She thinks about your ploys you used to fool.
Did she buy lies or did she just get lazy?
She's so far gone she feels just like a fool.

My oh my, U sure knows how to mutate things.
U sets it up so well, so carefully.
Ain't it funny how your new lies didn't change things?
You're still the same old churl you used to be.

You can't hide your fryin’ lies
And your guile is a thing despised
I thought by now you'd realize
There ain't no way to hide your fryin’ lies
There ain't no way to hide your fryin’ lies
Doc C, you can't hide your fryin’ lies