The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Wednesday, May 30, 2012


Joseph Mercola, who plays doctor on daytime television, is fairly notorious at The Hotel Melanoma for denying what is a widely-accepted and well-substantiated truth to the mainstream medical world: tanning bed use significantly increases your risk of contracting melanoma (and basal cell and squamous cell skin cancers). The cold, hard fact is that Mercola has a profit-driven conflict of interest in giving any health or medical advice about “safe” tanning, because he SELLS the “Mercola Vitality Home Tanning Bed” and “Dr. Mercola’s Natural Sunscreen With Green Tea” on his website, Don’t take my word for it, check it out. And read more about the good ‘doctor’ at

If you want to get your medical advice about indoor tanning from a guy who wants to sell you a product that gives you a dose of something the World Health Organization says is carcinogenic, that’s your business. And there are a couple of cream puff used cars in my garage, driven only by my elderly mom to church on Sunday, that I’d like to sell you. But I just have to ask you this: would you also believe a tobacco company executive who tells you in 2012 that smoking is “safe” and doesn’t increase your risk of lung cancer and heart disease?

I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma version of Robert Palmer’s “Bad Case of Loving You”…

’Doc’s’ hot tanner lights sell on the ‘net
I’ve got to find my Black C yet
I need you to sell me beds
Turn my pale skin to red

’Doctor’, ‘doctor’, selling tan hues
You sell a bad case of tanning blues
No shill’s gonna make me ill
You sell a bad case of tanning blues

A pretty face don’t make a pretty heart
I learned that, buddy, from the start
I think you’re ‘cute’, a little bit sly
’Doctuh’, you ain’t nice kind of guy

’Doctor’, ‘doctor’, spare me your views
You sell a bad case of tanning blues
No pill’s gonna cure your ill
You sell a bad case of tanning blues

I know you hype it, you hype it nonstop
Tell me, ‘Doctor’, where’d you learn this crock?

You make me frown, cunning one so flip
Smile of Midas on your lip
Shake my fist, talk to wood
I’ve got it bad, and you’ve got it good

’Doctor’, ‘doctor’, sell me tan ruse
I got a bad case of tanning blues
No pill’s gonna cure my ill
I got a bad case of tanning blues

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