Outliers

Academic cancer researchers are now using recent advances in genomic sequencing technology to try to figure out why a relative handful of patients-- so-called “outliers” or “super-responders”-- have experienced seemingly miraculous results from certain cancer treatments while most patients received little or no benefit. This science stuff flies over the head of a recovering attorney to whom basic high school chemistry and biology were magic, but I think the idea is to identify the specific gene mutations in a super-responder patient’s tumor sample that explain why that patient staged a remarkable recovery after receiving a particular treatment, when most others receiving the same treatment did not. The hope is that by identifying those ’aha!’ gene mutations, oncologists will someday be able to select the most appropriate treatment drug for a patient whose tumor displays those same mutations. And it’s entirely possible that drugs that ‘failed’ in clinical trials that included a few super-responders may be resurrected. Read all about it here .

There are lots of outliers still living at The Hotel Melanoma, and I seem to be one of them. And my oncologist has confessed that nobody has a clue why biochemotherapy worked so well for me but not everybody. So I hope some brilliant researcher will someday visit the super-responder wing of The Hotel Melanoma and figure out if we have some gene mutations in common that would explain why we’re all still living there. If I win the lottery, which would first require that I actually buy a ticket like making a putt requires that I get the ball to the hole, I’ll gladly fund the research. Whether of scientific or divine origin, we could sure use all the miracle cures we can get around here.

Hoping that I truly have experienced one of those miracle cures, and praying that we’ll soon have to enlarge the super-responder wing, I’ll sign off with an ode to miracles to the tune of “All I Need Is a Miracle” from Mike & The Mechanics…

I said "show that you gonna show
Pray that you gonna stay"
I did so care if you hung around me
I sure would care if you went away
And I know U was never right
I'll admit I was UV-wrong
I would never ‘screen up my hide
I braised it up as I went along

And so I plead for you like a child
I'm gonna wish you for the rest of my life

All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true
All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true
All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true

I ever had manly pride
And I ever had manly gall
‘Cuz I went out of my way just to flirt U
The sun I shouldn't flirt at all
I thought I was being cool
Yeah, I thought I was being bronze
But it's always the same old story
You never know what you've got 'til skin’s gone

If I ever catch up with you
I'm gonna hug you for the rest of my life

All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true (all I need is a miracle)
All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true (all I need is a miracle)
All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true

And if I ever catch up with you
I'm gonna hug you for the rest of your life

All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true (all I need is a miracle)
All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true (all I need is a miracle)
All I need is a miracle, and I plead it’s true (all I need is a miracle)
All I need is a, all I need is a,
And I plead (all I need is a miracle)

We've Only Just Begun

For all of you melavangelists working so hard to inform folks that breast cancer isn't the only beastly disease worthy of attention and funding, a request, sort of, to the tune of “We’ve Only Just Begun” from The Carpenters…



We've only just begun to live
White face and pharmacas
Skin checks for stuff and we're on our way
We've only begun

Before the rising sun we fried
So many moles to choose
We start out blocking
And learn it’s fun
And yes! We've just begun

Sharin' more trial drugs that are new to us
Watchin' the signs along the way
Talkin' it over just the few of us
Workin' together day to day, together

And when the evening comes we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's few who glow
And yes! We've just begun

Sharin' more trial drugs that are new to us
Watchin' the signs along the way
Talkin' it over just the few of us
Workin' together day to day, together, together

And when the evening comes we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there’s few who glow
And yes! We've just begun

An American Fool

It seems that Bruce Jenner is too ill-informed to know the difference between basal cell carcinoma and melanoma. Or maybe he really does know better and his misstatement is just a lame effort to garner more sympathy-driven attention? Call me a cynic, but my money’s on the latter explanation.

But either way, perhaps there’s a silver lining in his cloud of misinformation: a significant number of reporters and commenters are pointing out the error in Jenner’s statement and maybe, just maybe, a few people who follow ‘celebrity’ news will learn that melanoma is the deadly form of ‘just skin cancer’. Let’s hope so.

A song from Bruce, to the tune of John Mellencamp’s “American Fool”…



Some people say I'm obnoxious and I'm hazy
Some people say I take advantage of the dumber news and they're right
Some people say I should have been stoppin’ few more tanners at home
Some say I'm narcicisstic better of just to leave me alone

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
If I can't teach myself could I really teach you?

Being brought up
The American fool
Being brought up
The American fool

Some people like to talk and sell you their fry deals and how skin’s supposed to be
Some people are fools like me and say what's on their mind to media spree
Some people won't braise at all and some burn rare too much
Some people, some people, some people are chiding me daily

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
When I can't teach myself could I really teach you?

Being brought up
The American fool
Being brought up
The American fool

Some people say I'm obnoxious and I'm hazy
Some people say I take advantage of the dumber news and they're right

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
If I can't teach myself could I really teach you?

Being brought up
The American fool
Being brought up
The American fool

Being brought up
The American fool
Being brought up
The American fool

Being brought up!

Soggy Day Rock

It’s been raining incessantly here in Colorado for the past several days, and my ubiquitous moles are starting to grow mold. If I owned a handgun I’d probably have shot six holes in my freezer by now. And I’ve seriously considered rounding up all the old golf balls I can find and getting in some wedge practice by pitching them all into one of the neighborhood’s overflowing detention ponds. So if the sun ever comes out again I shall be sorely tempted to spend a day on the golf course sans sunscreen. But I won’t. Probably.

To the tune of Neil Young’s “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”…



When you were young
And had more moles
How did it feel
In Coppertone?
I am always thinking
Of days that I was braising.
Trying to save
The rest of my hide.

‘Cuz only sun
Can break your heart.
Try to be pure
Right from the start.
Yes only sun
Can break your heart
What if your ‘cure’
Should fall apart?

I have a friend
Who never ‘screens.
He fries his head
Inside eighteen.
Someone should call him
And see if he can pale out.
Try to lose
The brown on his crown.

‘Cuz only sun
Can break your heart.
Try to be pure
Right from the start.
Yes only sun
Can break your heart.
What if your derm
Would maul your parts?

I have a friend
Who never ‘screens.
He fries his head
Inside eighteen.
Yes, only sun
Can break your heart.
Yes, only sun
Can break your heart…

A Rainy Day Homily

My biased opinion is that Stage III melanoma patients have too few “adjuvant” treatment options to improve their odds of avoiding, or at least significantly delaying, a recurrence and progression to Stage IV. And that way too many folks aren’t presented with all of the treatment options that are currently available, probably because they weren’t referred to an oncologist who specializes in melanoma treatment. So I was pleased to stumble upon a YouTube video of a recent presentation by a melanoma specialist at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center, outlining the adjuvant treatment options for Stage IIC and Stage III patients.



Through dumb luck I stumbled into being offered a 4-cycle regimen of biochemotherapy, as an adjuvant treatment following a Stage IIIC diagnosis with fourteen malignant lymph nodes. It beat the living daylights out of me, but nearly ten years later I’m showing no evidence of disease and boring my oncologist. So if you’re a newly-diagnosed Stage III melahomie, please watch this video and learn what’s out there. And if you’re seeing a doc who hasn’t discussed all of these adjuvant treatment options with you, please think long and hard about getting a second opinion from a top-flight melanoma specialist who has all of these ‘tricks’ in his or her bag. And then you and that doc can decide what’s right for you from a full menu of options. It just might save your life.

To the tune of Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody To Love”…



When your youth is bound to C’s wiles
And all the joy within you dies
Don't you want somebody to drug
Don't you need somebody to drug
Wouldn't you love somebody to drug
You better find somebody to drug

When the doctor glowers, Ray C is read yes
And your mind, your mind, is so full of dread
Don't you want somebody to drug
Don't you need somebody to drug
Wouldn't you love somebody to drug
You better find somebody to drug

Your prize, I say your prize may look like this, yeah
But in your head baby I'm afraid you don't know where it is
Don't you want somebody to drug
Don't you need somebody to drug
Wouldn't you love somebody to drug
You better find somebody to drug

Tears are running, ahhh, they're all running down your breast
And your ‘friends’ baby they treat you like a pest.
Don't you want somebody to drug
Don't you need somebody to drug
Wouldn't you love somebody to drug
You better find somebody to drug

Parts Full of Moles

I’ve heard several melahomies express a strong preference for having nearly every even slightly suspicious looking mole removed and sent to a pathologist. I’m not a member of that club, perhaps because I’m so speckled and freckled that taking this tack would turn me into one big mass of scar tissue and I’d spend the rest of my life with a dermatopathologist on my payroll. So I don’t want anything biopsied unless my oncologist or dermatologist thinks we need to, thank you very much, and I’m happy to let them make the judgment call. Although I do get some grins whenever I’m sent to my favorite cancer center’s breast cancer clinic for a quickly needle biopsy.

For my ever watchful docs, to the tune of “Heart Full of Soul” from The Yardbirds…



Thick in parts and molely,
Deep in dark despair.
Thinking one thought only
Where is C tell me where.
And if C says to you
C don't love me.
Just give it my message.
Tell it biopsy.

And I know if C had me back again
Well I would ever make it sad.
I've lotta parts full of moles.

And I know if C had me back again
Well I would ever make it sad.
I've lotta parts full of moles.

C’s been gone such a long time
Longer than it was there
But if C says it wants me
Tell it that I'll be there
And if C says to you
C don't love me
Just give it my message
Tell it biopsy.

And I know if C had me back again
Well I would ever make it sad.
I've lotta parts full of moles.

Good Sunnin' Gone Bad

Just a little lyrical nonsense for a lovely September sunny Sunday, to the tune of “Hold On Loosely” from .38 Special…



You see it all around you
Good sunnin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you
Realize what you have

And my mind goes back to a derm I met
Long years ago who told me

Just hold on UV
Just don't get glow
If you singe too brightly
You're gonna lose some moles

Your Ray C needs some sun to be breedin’
And a whole lot of days to seize skin

It's so damn easy
When your screenings aren’t much
To under protect derm
To sun derm too much

And my mind goes back to a derm I met
Long years ago who told me

Just hold on UV
Just don't get glow
If you singe too brightly
You're gonna lose some moles

Your Ray C needs some sun to be breedin’
And a whole lot of days to seize skin

Don't let years slip away
SPF’s the tool
Don't let your parts get in the rays
Yeah, yeah, yeah

You see it all around you
Good sunnin’ gone bad
And usually it's too late when you
Realize what you have

So hold on UV
Just don't get glow
If you singe too brightly
You're gonna lose some moles

Your Ray C needs some sun to be breedin’
And a whole lot of days to seize skin

So hold on UV
Just don't get glow
If you singe too brightly
You're gonna loose it
You're gonna lose some moles

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So hold on UV
Just don't get glow
If you singe too brightly
You're gonna lose some moles

Hold on UV
Just don't get glow
If you singe too brightly to her
You're gonna lose some moles, yeah, yeah, yeah

The Problem With Dogs...

…Is that we outlive them. Even we folks living at The Hotel Melanoma. And we’re supposed to. But we never really lose them, because they will always be present in our hearts. And in Jordie’s case, at least a little bit of that lovely, curly coat will always be present in the backseat of my Subaru, evoking fond memories of mountain hikes gone by and the unmistakable scent of a wet golden retriever.

I was blessed with the best canine therapist I could ever have hoped for, and I believe that someday we’ll meet again. But not yet.

To the tune of Eric Clapton’s “Tears In Heaven”…



Will you know my name
When I see you in heaven?
Will it be the same
When I see you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
There in heaven.

Will you hold my hand
When I see you in heaven?
Will you help me stand
When I see you in heaven?

I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know it’s not my day
There in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Will you know my name
When I see you in heaven?
Will it be the same
When I see you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
There in heaven.