Better Living Through Toxic Chemistry

Like I’ve said here before, I would’ve swallowed plutonium if that had been the recommended course of treatment and I chose the most aggressive option that was offered. No regrets. But for all of you mulling over your treatment options, including that “wait and see” option that is so often a rational choice on the too-short menu at this Hotel, all I can say is do what’s right for you and don’t ever second-guess your decision.

And do your best not to whine too much if your chosen course of treatment makes you feel like roadkill, because all that'll accomplish is making yourself and your loved ones miserable.  It’s Friday night, so I’ll leave you with my version of ZZ Top’s “Gimme Me All Your Lovin’” to start cranking up your weekend…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4VFFBCa5Aw



I got to have a shot of what you got until it’s beat.
I got to take my shot, like a boomerang I’ll take a repeat,

Gimme all your druggin', all your hits and misses too,
Gimme all your druggin', don't let up until we're through,

You got to whip it up and hit me like a ton of lead,
If I blow my top will you stop it before I’m dead?

Gimme all your druggin', all your hits and misses too,
Gimme all your druggin', don't let up until we're through.

You got to pump me up and kill it with those toxic goods.
You got to drug me up, beat it like I wish we could.

Gimme all your druggin', all your hits and misses too.
Gimme all your druggin', don't let up until we're through.

For Chelsea

My blogger pal Chelsea has responded to a diagnosis that knocks most of us back on our heels and turns us totally inward by mounting an inspiring one-woman awareness campaign in the midst of a hellish year. It took me several years to come out of my closet and share my journey with melanoma through silly old songs and cranky rants. But this young woman? Within weeks of her diagnosis she launched a widely followed blog with a message that is, without a doubt, reaching her peers. She recently called out a couple of her former college’s sororities for the supreme idiocy of requiring that members spend time each week in tanning beds; and I’d bet she’ll find a way to put a stop to it. I’m certain that Chelsea’s current campaign is only the beginning of a lot of accomplishments that lie in her future, and I sure hope to be around to watch what happens.

So for Chelsea, here’s a new version of Jimmy Buffett’s “Little Miss Magic”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x37PT-nUXGg


Constantly amazed by the wisdom she shows in her writing
The clever life lessons she gives us can't help but be inciting
She loves to lay into fools with her bloggin’
Says that tanning ages foolish skin
She is my bloggin’ friend

I learn a little more from her everyday
I catch a little more courage on my way
Your parents must be quite proud of the fighter they see
Bloggin’ Miss Magic, what you gonna be?

Sometimes I read her dreamin' and wonder where that finer mind meanders
Is she strollin' along the Shore or cruisin' o'er her broad Virginia
I know this day she yearns to make up for lost times
This day she's gonna take off and fly
Oh that you can’t deny

I catch a little more courage that’s comin' my way
I see those new post lines just start to makin’ our day
Your parents must be quite proud of the woman they see
Bloggin’ Miss Magic, what you gonna be?

Yes she loves to lay into fools with her bloggin’
Says that UV ages foolish skin
She is my wise pale friend

Constantly amazed by the wisdom she shows in her writing
Those clever life lessons she gives us can't help but be inciting
I know this day she yearns to make up for lost times
This day she's gonna take off and fly
That you can’t deny

I learn a little more from her everyday
I catch a little more courage on my way
Your parents must be quite proud of the fighter they see
Bloggin’ Miss Magic, what you gonna be?
Bloggin’ Miss Magic, what you gonna be?
Bloggin’ Miss Magic, just can't wait to see

You’re reigning, you’re soaring
This old man gets boring


And now for you sorority tanning twits, here’s a new version of Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE&noredirect=1


Oh! Let's go!
She walks merrilly down the street
With her akin aged and aglow
Ain't no round like a round of blue heat
Tanning beds ready to go

Are you ready hey are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the sunlamp the UVs zip
To the sound of the beat yeah

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust hey
Hey it’s gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

How do you think we’re going to get along
Without you when you're gone
You baked out the only skin that you had
And flamed out ‘fore you were grown

Are you happy are you satisfied?
How long can you stand the heat
Out of the sunlamp the UVs zip
To the sound of the beat look out

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust hey
Hey it’s gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust

Hey
Oh take it - Bite the dust
Bite the dust hey
Hey Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust ow
Another one bites the dust he he
Another one bites the dust hay yay ya ya ya
Ooh tanna!

There are plenty of ways that you can fake a tan
And bring you to the brown
You can beat it
You can cheat it
You can make it mad and leave it
Put it down yeah
But it’s ready yes it’s ready for you
It’s planning on your self defeat
Out of the sunlamps the UVs zip
Repeating to the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust yeah
Hey it’s gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Tanna!

Yeah! Alright!

An Ode To Interferon

Regrettably, interferon is still the only FDA-approved treatment for Stage III melanoma patients. Although my biochemo cocktail included interferon injections, I can’t imagine what it must be like to undergo even the first month of high-dose interferon infusions, much less another eleven months of lower-dose injections.

All I know for sure is that my first dose of interferon was a contributing factor to my getting into big trouble with a very kind nurse named Johanna. After kicking off my very first round of biochemo around noon, Johanna took a look at her watch and told me “things would start happening” around 1:30. On her way out the door, she admonished me to hit the call button at the first hint of any discomfort so she could stay out ahead of nausea and fever side effects by boosting the dosage of various medications I was receiving along with the treatment cocktail.

Well, that cocktail decked me in just under ninety minutes with a ‘shock and awe’ assault the likes of which I’ll never, ever forget. It all came on so fast that by the time my wife summoned Johanna I was, among other things, shaking and quaking with a very high fever brought on, mostly, by the interferon. Consequently, Johanna had to try everything she could think of, short of laying on top of me, to get those violent shakes under control before giving up and knocking me out cold with a big shot of Demerol into the IV line. But not before she delivered a rather stern lecture about my failure to hit that call button before things got out of control. Yikes. Trust me, in round two I did as I was told.

For nurse Johanna and all who’ve endured the shakes and quakes from interferon treatments, here’s a new version of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long”…


AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long by hushhush112

She was a nurse machine
She kept my PICC line clean
She was the toughest woman that I ever seen
She had the kindest eyes
Tellin' me no lies
Knockin' me out with those nice Demerol highs
Takin' more than my share
Had me begging for care
She told me to call but I was already there
'Cause my bod was shakin’
My bed was quakin'
My bones were achin'
’Cause I was takin' it and you -

Shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me all night long

Pumpin' double time
In my infusion line
It was not very kind, it blew vital signs
Gettin’ no applause
From my chemo nurse
Heard my Demerol plea, and gave me some more
Had to cool me down
Before another round
Then I'm back in the ring to take another swing
'Cause my bod was shakin’
My bed was quakin'
My bones were achin'
’Cause I was takin' it and you -

Shook me all night long
Yeah you shook me all night long
Knocked me out and then you
Shook me all night long
Then I kept quakin' and you
Shook me all night loooong
Yeah you shook me
Well, you took me

You really took me and you
Shook me all night long
Oaaaaaahhhhhh you shook me all night long
Yeah yeah you
Shook me all... night... long
Ya really took me and you
Shook me all night long

Yeah you shook me, yeah you shook me
All night loooong!

Remembering

I’m relatively new to the online melanoma community, but it seems like we’ve lost an awfully lot of inspiring warriors over the past several months. (And how many others who never shared their stories through this medium?) One particular loss has been especially painful for me. We “met” this past February through the Melanoma Research Foundation’s discussion board and quickly discovered we shared the common bonds of the same initial diagnosis, the same treatment center and doctors, and the same course of treatment. Fresh from completing her treatments, she seemed thrilled to have found one of this regimen’s success stories and I was grateful for the chance to be a source of hope and encouragement for her. Tragically, however, biochemotherapy didn’t work for this young mother like it has for a luckier me, and she died this past summer.

I wonder whether folks who’ve yet to check into the Hotel Melanoma find it odd that we guests grieve over the loss of folks we’ve never really met. A theologian I’m not, but I find the fact that we do to be pretty compelling evidence that mankind really was created in God’s image and that all of us are graced with at least a smidgen of his infinity capacity to love others.

The older I get, the less I know, but I firmly believe that we lucky survivors best honor and remember the fallen by choosing gratitude rather than guilt over our outcomes and giving back instead of moving on. And by fighting like hell if our time comes.

For all of the fallen, especially “Shari C”, here’s a new version of Jackson Browne’s “Fountain of Sorrow”…



Looking through some online posts I found on archived boards
I was taken by some older posts from you
There were one or two I’d guess that you might have liked a little more
But they didn't show your spirit quite as true

You were looking back to see what was behind you
And I read your fearless laughter with surprise
But at the moment that my ‘net searching happened to find you
There was just a trace of sorrow in your lines

Now the things that I remember seem so distant and so small
Though it hasn't really been that long a time
What I was reading wasn't what was happening at all
Although for a while, your hopes did seem to climb
But when we see through C's illusions, there lies the danger
And our perfect outlook makes us feel like perfect fools
So we go running off in search of the newest rage cure
While the hopefulness seems to spring from our plight
Like a fountain from a pool

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that pleading sound of your own prayers at night
You've lost your fight for life, but now you're all right
Wish we could just see your smiling face tonight

Now for you and me it may not seem that hard to reach our dreams
But that magic feeling never seems to last
And while the future's there for anyone to change, still you know it seems
It would be easier sometimes to change the past
Am I one or two years and a couple of bad scans behind you
In my lessons at C’s pain and heartache school?
Where if you feel too free and you need something to remind you
There's this wariness springing up from your life
Like a fountain from a pool

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that pleading sound of your own prayers at night
You’ve lost your fight for life but now you're all right
Wish we could just see your smiling face tonight

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that pleading sound of your own prayers at night
You had to struggle, you had to fight
To keep understanding and your passion for life
You could be laughing at C, you've got the right
Hope you go on smiling so clear and so bright

House of The Frying Sun

No ranting about ‘pink fatigue’ today, just a new version of The Animals’ “House of The Rising Sun”…



There is a house in Cancer World,
They call the Frying Sun,
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
And God I know I'm one.

My surgeon was a savior,
He cut those margins clean,
My onc doc was a gamblin’ man,
Turned my skin all green.

Now the only thing this patient needs,
Is no bad scans and luck,
And the only time he's satisfied,
Is when his cancer’s ducked.

Oh mother, tell your children,
Not to do what I have done:
To spend your lives in tanning misery,
In the house of the Frying Sun.

Well I got both hands on the keyboard,
’Cause my cause is not in vain,
I'm staying here in Blogosphere,
To sing Black Cancer’s fame.

Well, there is a house in Cancer World,
They call the Frying Sun,
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
And God I know I'm one.