The UV Blues

There are two things in particular that I enjoy about blogging. One is receiving comments about posts. I blog to blow off steam and turn a host of negative emotions about living at the Hotel Melanoma into something positive-- like doing some good for a molemate I’ll never meet by putting a smile on their face. Comments are the only way I have of knowing whether a “pageview” represents someone actually reading, much less enjoying, a post or is merely the result of a Google search query sending some unsuspecting ‘net surfer to this Hotel when they’re really looking for something completely different.

Which brings me to the second thing, which is looking at the Google search queries that direct traffic to this site. My favorite query of the week is “does melanoma tingle”, and I’d like to try to answer that question just in case this searcher ever returns. I’ve consulted the Hotel Melanoma panel of experts (comprised this morning of me and my geriatric golden retriever who’s yet to make it out of bed) and our answer is “directly, no, but indirectly, yes”. My primary melanoma tumor never tingled-- heck I didn’t even know I had a mole back there, which is why everyone should get a thorough skin check! But that call from my primary care doc with the bad biopsy news sure made me tingle. I also tingle every time I enter the “Name of Rich Oil Guy” Cancer Pavilion for a checkup or whatever. And dealing with my health insurance company, whose corporate motto seems to be “we can outlast our customers”, quite often makes me tingle.

With thanks to all of you who take the time to leave those very kind and encouraging comments, and wishing everyone a tingle-free day, here’s my version of KC & The Sunshine Band’s “Boogie Shoes”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vHlqBt8mO0

Oncs, to be with you is my fav'rite thing
Uh huh
And I can't wait ‘til I see you again
Yeah, yeah
I got to live with my my my my my
UV blues
Must go boogie with you, yeah
I got to live with my my my my my
Biopsy news, must go boogie with you, uh huh
I got to ‘screen it 'til the sun burns up
Uh huh, and I got to do that 'cause
I did get enough, yeah, yeah
I cannot put on my my my my my
Doc Oz hues.
Must go boogie with you, yeah
I got to live with my my my my my
UV blues, must go boogie with you
Uh huh, yeah yeah
I got to live with my my my my my
Biopsy news
Got to boogie, with you, yeah
I cannot put on my my my my my
Doc Oz hues, can’t go boogie with you, yeah

Risk Factor Rock

My fellow blogger Al’s latest post (http://blackispink.blogspot.com/2012/02/uncontrollable-risk-factors.html) addressed uncontrollable risk factors for melanoma, based on information from the Melanoma Education Foundation. It appears that I had a 100% chance of getting melanoma. Yikes.

But I say if you can’t beat it, rock it. Just my version of George Thorogood & The Destroyers’ “Move It On Over”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXQ4tRlYgM0


Labs come in last night about half past ten
That Black C of mine’s gonna take a spin
Those moles are all over
Docs are all over
Get over little odds, a mean old onc is movin' in

Docs told me not to mess around
And I done let their trial go down
Moles are all over
Docs are all over
Get over those odds, the big, bad onc is movin' in

Saw lots of docs on the ninth floor
Got IVs, I can’t take no more
Moles are all over
Docs are all over
Get over those odds, a mean old onc is movin' in

C spread on out just as pretty as you please
Some day soon I may push daisies
Moles are all over
Slice me all over
Get over those odds, a mean old onc is movin' in

Yeah, listen to me doc before you speak your mind
That hide's yours and this hide's mine
Those moles are all over
Docs are all over
Get over little odds, a big bold onc is movin' in

Yeah, C cleaned my clock, knocked me on floor
Claims man please, you must pay some more
Moles are all over
Docs are all over
Get over little odds, a big bold onc is movin' in

Moles are all over
Moles are all over
Moles are all over
Wontcha docs get it over
Get over cool odds, a hot onc’s movin' in

Don't Get Fooled Again

A recent Congressional committee investigation found that numerous tanning salons flat lied to investigators posing as teenage girls about the risks of tanning. Maybe it’s just the lingering influence of having read John Grisham’s latest, but I’m betting that this investigation will encourage a class-action plaintiff’s lawyer or twelve to smell contingency fees and take on this industry. That’d be both great news and sad news. Successful class action litigation might change the industry’s practices and result in more risk disclosure to future customers. But class actions also tend to enrich the lawyers and short-change the injured victims through rushed pretrial settlements that are more about buying off plaintiffs lawyers than assuring that the victims of the defendants’ wrongdoing receive fair and adequate compensation for their damages.

Hypothetically speaking, if my oncologist had told me that my melanoma was the result of tanning bed use and I thought that my favorite tanning salon had been less than truthful with me in disclosing the risks of frequenting the establishment, I wouldn’t respond to one of those cheesy television ads with a toll-free number that seeks to sign up a herd of clients for a “mass tort” class-action case. Instead, I’d hire a first-rate personal injury lawyer, with jury trial experience in products liability cases, to aggressively pursue my case as a separate and individual lawsuit. Just sayin’…

With thanks to all of my molemates who are working to raise awareness of the dangers of tanning beds, here’s my take on The Who’s “We Won’t Get Fooled Again”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrHUD2XmLN4


We'll be marching in the streets
And those tan beds we’ll defeat
And the folly of sun worship will be gone
And the tans that spurred C on
Will be fashion that’s so wrong
Save those hides as we pale ones sing our song

I'll tip my hat to the sunscreen solution
Take a bow for the pale revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Tap on my keyboard and say
Just wear ‘screen today
And I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again

Change it has to come
We knew it all along
We were liberated from old Sol that's all
But the world looks just the same
Black C’s story ain't changed
'Cause the tanners, they still brown in the outdoors

I'll tip my hat to the sunscreen solution
Take a bow for the pale revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Tap on my keyboard and say
Just wear ‘screen today
And I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

I'll save myself, put my tanning aside
If I happen to be left half alive
I'll join all my molemates and hide from the sky
For I know that the UV lies never die

Do ya?

There's nothing in sunscreen
Cause cancer to go grow on me
And the warnings are misplaced, do not fry
And the tanning that is left
Is now the tanning that’s our fright
And the risks have all grown larger in our sight

I'll tip my hat to the sunscreen solution
Take a bow for the pale revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Tap on my keyboard and say
Just wear ‘screen today
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Meet your new onc
Thanks to your Doc Oz

The Long Run

I’ve been blessed with eight years of “NED” status, although my doc has never used that particular term. That’s a long run. Much longer than I ever thought I’d have. And I often wonder whether I’ve used it well. If my long run of good luck ends the next time I have a checkup, what will I be thinking about what I’ve done and haven’t done with these years of borrowed time? Who’s going to win this race in the long run, me or the Black C?

Yikes, but I need to stop thinking and start rocking. My version of The Eagles’ “The Long Run”…


Eagles - The Long Run by ZombieQuack

I liked my UVs a lot, I never sunscreened a lot,
I used to play out in the mid of day.
Oh, I didn't get it,
It was high time I quit it.
I just couldn't carry on that way.
Oh, I did some damage, I know it's true.
Didn't know I was so mortal, till I got you.
Who can go the distance,
We'll find out, in the long run.
(in the long run)
I can handle some resistance,
if my drug, is a strong one
(is a strong one)
Folks don’t know much about you,
they got nothin' like a clue
when it all comes down they will
wish they’d knew.
In the long run.
Ooh, I want to tell you, it's a long run.
You know I don't understand, why you don't
treat myself better,
do the crazy things that you do.
'Cause all the cancer docs in Houston, Black C,
couldn't get a handle on you.
Can we kill you with drugs?
Can we raise enough money?
Do you do it for spite?
Do you think you have to, Black C?
Who is gonna make it?
We'll find out, in the long run.
(in the long run)
I know we can make it,
if our drug, is a strong one.
(is a strong one)
Well, we're scared, but we ain't shakin'.
Kinda bent, but we ain't breakin'.
In the long run,
Ooh, I want to tell you, it's a long run.
In the long run, Ooh, ahh, ehh.
In the long run
Going to find out, f-f-f-f-find out.
Long long long long, long long long long.
Ooh run run run Black C, run run Black C.
Long, long, long, long.
Ooh, ahh, ehh, ehh.

I Got You Babe

I really do hate all brands of cancer, particularly melanoma. So here’s a new version of Sonny and Cher’s ‘60’s love song…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsO8R8u0MYk&feature=related


You prey on young when we don't know
We won't find out until we're grown
Well I don't know if tans caused you
But you got me, and Black C I got you

Babe
I got you babe
I got you babe

They say no drug will slay this gent
Before C’s spurned,
Our money's all been spent
I guess that's so we can’t smoke med pot
But at least I'm sure
Of all the things I’ve got

Babe
I got you babe
I got you babe

I got checkups in the spring
I thank you for chemo fling
And when you’re bad, I wear gowns
And so I get scared, you're always around

Don't let them say your scare’s gone long
'Cause I don't care,
With you things can go wrong
I’ll tell your evil plans online
There ain't no cure for tan beds
Docs can find

Babe
I got you babe
I got you babe

I got you for docs to scan
I got no insurance plan
I got you to stalk with me
I got you so docs poke me
I got you and miss sun light
I got you to cause me fright
I got you, you won't let go
I got you to spread like so
I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe
I got you babe