Fake Your UV

KC & The Sunshine Band’s “Shake Shake Shake”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgZOYt5kH9Q


Aah, Everybody, find out the score, take glance!
Don't fight sunscreenin', give yourself a chance!

Fake fake bake, fake fake bake,
Fake your UV! Fake your UV!
Oh, fake fake fake, bake bake bake,
Fake your UV! Save your beauty.

Aah, You can, you can do it very well.
You're the best in the world, I can tell.

Oh, take take take, quake quake quake,
Take your IV! Take your IV!
Oh, shake shake shake, shake shake shake,
Nurse on duty! Nurse on duty!
(WoWohoo,Yeah!)
Shake shake, shake shake!

Aah, fake bake, fake bake!
Aah, make big wake, make big wake,
Pale is beauty! Pale is beauty!
Oh, hate hate hate, hate hate hate,
Hate your Black C! Hate your Black C.

Aah, break break, break break, break C’s booty!
Aah, don't fight the ‘screenin’.
Break break, break break, break C’s booty!
Aah, give yourself a chance.
Fake bake, fake bake, fake your UV!
You can do it! do it!
Take break, take break, brake your UV!
(Listen to momma now!)
Make wake, make wake, pale is groovy!
WoooHOOOOHoooo!
Make wake, make wake, it’s your duty!
Aah, BROTHERS AND SISTERS.
Fake bake (come on), fake bake (come on), it’s your booty!
Aah! Do your duty. Aah haa!
Kick C (come on), kick C (come on), on its booty!

Teenage Wasteland

A whole lot of folks at the Hotel Melanoma are waging a grassroots awareness campaign to warn teens and twenty-somethings about the risks of excessive UV ray exposure. Some are active in lobbying for state legislation to ban tanning bed use by minors. But sometimes we’re just a little bit apologetic about it and express the concern that we’re “annoying” friends and acquaintances with our melanoma-related facebook posts and shared links.

I don’t recall anyone associated with the NFL apologizing about splashing the playing field with pink last October. Did they annoy me just a bit? Yes. Should they care? No.

I know that some people I know think I should’ve “moved on” by now since I’m “cured” and all, but they’re just gonna have to live with it or block my posts. Because I’m not going to shut up.

I’ll leave you with a new version of The Who’s “Teenage Wasteland”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dExnIXdvQ-8&feature=related


Out here in the field
We fight for what heals
We put our backs into more living
We do need to fight
To prove we’re right
We don't need to be forgiven

Don't fry
Don't braise and die
It's UV teenage wasteland

Children, fake the tan
We'll shout about tan bans
Put out C’s fire
And don't look past our shoulders
The evidence is clear
The Black C’s one to fear
Let's get together
Just so they get much older

Teenage wasteland
It's UV teenage wasteland
Teenage wasteland
Teenage wasteland

They're all wasted!

Pale's The Way

Just a skewed version of KC & The Sunshine Band’s “That’s The Way”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd--tIkrVoA


Oh, pale’s the way, uh-huh uh-huh,
Docs like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Pale’s the way, uh-huh uh-huh,
Doc’s like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Pale’s the way, uh-huh uh-huh,
Docs like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Pale’s the way, uh-huh uh-huh,
Docs like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

When docs take away my tan,
Tell me I'm their Stage III man,
When docs give me all those drugs,
And do it the very best they can,

Oh, that's the day, uh-huh uh-huh,
Don’t like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's the day, uh-huh uh-huh,
Don’t like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's the day, uh-huh uh-huh,
Don’t like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's the day, uh-huh uh-huh,
Don’t like it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

When I get to be in C farm,
When I’m down lyin’ prone,
When meds drippin’ deep, C will fear,
When they turn, IVs on,

Oh, that's the way, uh-huh uh-huh,
I’ll spike it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's the way, uh-huh uh-huh,
I’ll spike it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's the day, uh-huh uh-huh,
C hikes it, uh-huh, uh-huh.
That's the day, uh-huh uh-huh,
C hikes it, uh-huh, uh-huh.

Mad,oh mad
(thats the way)
(oh thats the way)
(thats the way)
(oh thats the way)
Mad,oh mad
(oh thats the way)
(thats the way)

oh, Black’s the way, uh-huh,uh-huh,
I like it, uh-huh,uh-huh.
Black’s the way uh-huh, uh-huh
I like it uh-huh.

Oz For President

I’ve never watched this guy’s show (apparently it’s an Oprah spinoff, which explains that) but apparently he’s every bit as good at walking back an on-camera verbal gaffe as Gingrich, Perry, and the rest of that dwindling gang. He reportedly left his viewers with the impression that he agreed with one of his guests and thought limited tanning bed use was a safe source of Vitamin D, and now his public relations flacks are busy ‘splaining and backpedaling on the show’s website. Well, “doc”, what you really need to do to maintain any credibility with your fans is get on camera and admit you were misinformed. Put a real medical expert on your show, one who knows the facts about the link between tanning bed use and an increased risk of melanoma, and set the record straight.

Personally, “doc”, I don’t care what you do or don’t do, and just want to thank you for the inspiration for another fractured old song—Lesley Gore’s “Its My Party”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIsnIt1p978


Nobody knows where Doc Ozzy’s head’s gone
Seems he bought the tan line
Why was he touting those tans
When he's supposed to be fine

Its your party, and you’ll fry if you want to
Fry if you want to, fry if you want to
You could die too if C happens to you

‘Splainin’ bed’s records, keep preachin’ their fright
Leave D alone for a while
'Till Ozzy’s talkin' tan-free
We've got no reason to smile

Its your party, and you’ll fry if you want to
Fry if you want to, fry if you want to
You would die too if C happens to you

TV doc Ozzy just opened new door
Sayin’ ‘screen is the thing
Oh what a happy surprise
Ozzy’s preachin’ pale’s king

Its your party, and you'll fry if you want to
Fry if you want to, fry if you want to
You could die too if C happens to you

Pale But Not A Whale

My wife’s favorite sort of winter vacation involves some place south of the border with a beach and a pool, so that’s where we’ll be going later this month. Our destination this year seems to be quite popular with aged gringo expatriates who are quite fond of their Tecate and Dos Equis. So I’ll be an island of trim pale in a sea of overstuffed leather. And, yes, I’ll be feeling just a little bit smug about it.

To the tune of George Thorogood and The Destroyers’ “I Drink Alone”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpzqQst-Sg8


I ‘screen alone, yeah
With nobody else
I ‘screen alone, yeah
With nobody else
You know why I ‘screen alone
I prefer to be pale myself

Every morning just after breakfast
I don't want no sunburn on me
Just ‘screen and good buddy visor
That's all I ever need
'Cause I ‘screen alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know why I ‘screen alone
I prefer to be pale myself

The other night I laid sleeping
And I woke from a terrible dream
So I caught up with pals on facebook
And read blogs ‘bout cancer scene
And we ‘screen alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know why I ‘screen alone
I prefer to be pale myself

The other day I got invited to pool party
But I stayed dry instead
Just me and my pal UV blocker
And skin doctors’ SPF
And we ‘screened alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know why I ‘screen alone
I prefer to be pale myself

My old tannin’ spree done caught up with me
And it made Black C oh so bad
The only ones who will pale out with me
Are my dear old blog fans
And we ‘screen alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know why I ‘screen alone
I prefer to be older self