The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Procrastination Rock

I was reminded this past weekend at Colorado Melanoma Foundation’s Mallets for Melanoma fundraiser that I’m a month (or three) past due to get naked at my favorite dermatology clinic. Yes, I’ve been procrastinating because I just don’t wanna go. I’d rather play golf, although Lord knows why the way I play, or hike or even pull weeds than spend a fine summer’s day under the gaze of a dermatology resident who looks to me like she’s not old enough to score a medical marijuana card from the Great State of Colorado, much less practice medicine. And thank you so much Mr. President for my skyrocketing health insurance deductible that’ll make anything they do at the clinic short of total skin replacement surgery completely out-of-pocket. So maybe I’ll get around to it this fall, or maybe I won’t until Medicare kicks in or I think I might be experiencing some urgent dermatologic emergency. And then I’ll complain about how long it takes to get an appointment.

Which brings to mind the extortion potential of a fundraising idea I’ve been mulling over. What if I threatened to post on Facebook an album of selfies of every square inch of my mole-covered old carcass and asked for your expert medical opinions as to whether any of said moles are abnormal and in need of a biopsy? Would you make a donation to my favorite melanoma nonprofit to avoid seeing such a disturbing visual assault in your newsfeed?

I know, I know, I need to take care of myself so I’ll make that derm appointment soon and before it gets urgent. And so should you.

Until next time, I’ll sign off with another ode to the Black Beast to the tune of Foreigner’s “Urgent”…

I’m lot shy, I hate blue gowns
I used to fry, don't want more treatment go ‘rounds
I ‘screen up, I won't come brown
I wanna live, I wanna shoot lower rounds

Got fire in your veins
Burnin' tots but you don't feel their pain
Your desire is insane
You can't stop until you do it again

But sometimes I wonder as I look in doc’s eyes
Maybe she’s wishing for some younger guy
But she knows, yes she knows, how to treat you right
That's why she studies in the middle of the night

They say it's urgent
So urgent, so oh oh urgent
Just wait and see
How urgent my moles can be
It's urgent

You play tricks on my mind
You’re everywhere but you’re so hard to find
You’re not warm or sentimental
You’re so extreme, you can be so temperamental

Yes, I'm just looking for some drug that will last
I know what we need and we need it fast
Yeah, there's one thing in common that we all share
That's a need for ‘screen cover anytime, anywhere

It gets so urgent
So urgent
We know it's urgent
I wanna tell you it's the same for me
So oh oh urgent
Just you wait and see
How urgent new drugs can be
It's urgent

We say it's urgent
Make it fast, make it urgent
Do it quick, do it urgent
Gotta rush, make it urgent
Want it quick
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
So urgent, emergency
Emer... emer... emer...
It's urgent

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