The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

I’m a slow learner, but during my extended stay at The Hotel Melanoma I’ve come to realize that my experiences with The Beast have had little or no effect on the tanning habits-- indoor or outdoor -- of the people I know in “real life”. But if I’d suddenly gotten religion and lost a truck load of excess weight, broken a chain smoking tobacco habit, or given up single malt scotch (which ain’t happenin’), could I reasonably expect everyone I know to follow my shining example and start living a healthier lifestyle? I think not. Nearly all of us engage in some behavior that we know presents a serious health risk, but we keep on doing it because we like to and, meanwhile, we tell ourselves we’re immortal and it’ll never, ever catch up and bite us. What was God thinking when bestowing free will on us dumb humans? Oy.

But maybe, just maybe, I’ve caused a handful of folks to think twice before getting repeatedly broasted and to practice a little more safe sun. And that, folks, is probably as good as it gets.

Meanwhile, I’ll continue to be a devotee of my new (and cooler) whiter shade of pale, ‘cuz I’m “once bitten, twice shy”. And there just happens to be a song by that name from Great White. For all of my tanning recidivist friends…

Well the hide is gettin' charred
On you little girl
I'm a-hummin' and a-strummin'
All over blog world
You can't remember when
I got that tan deal
And you don't know
Just how a mole man feels
I didn't know what
Blockin’ moles was
Until I left fry summers
As a gray old cuss
I got fair in the nick of time
Before C got its hands
Across my state line

Now it's all riddles and all fright
On ‘skin cancer’ road
And some treatments don't work
And they’re oh so bold
You're lookin' fried
You're cookin’ hide complete
The gettin’ of The Beast
Could knock you off your feet
I didn't know what darkened moles cooked
Until I got ‘skin cancer’
From those fries in my youth
Half-baked moles from your tanning spot
By the look of your hide
You’ll be getting what I got

My, my, my
I’m once bitten, twice shy babe
My, my, my
I’m sun smitten, fry shy babe
My, my, my
I’m once bitten, twice shy babe

Oh man, I confess
Gonna cry ‘til I sleep
You’re wooden from tans
And my last blog’s peaked
Can't keep you pale you're messin' around
My best friends told me
That the best look is brown
You want the glow that this old soul spurned
So you bought tan package
And you ‘lived’ and you burned
You bought the spinnin’
You bought the greed
Get a little Ray C
Life is short and sweet

My, my, my
I’m once bitten, twice shy babe
My, my, my
I’m sun smitten, fry shy babe
My, my, my
I’m once bitten, twice shy babe

I didn't know I set a hot lymph node record
Until I saw those pictures
From some “other guy's” scannin’
Docs told me I was a lucky one
Just look at me now
Skin’s blocked and tan’s gone

My, my, my
I’m once bitten, twice shy babe
My, my, my
I’m sun smitten, fry shy babe
My, my, my
I’m once bitten, twice shy babe


  1. You have written my thoughts exactly! Although I am only stage 1a, I have a huge scar on the side of my neck that I can only hope helps deter people from tanning. But I often feel my words fall on deaf ears as so many people I know still tan...mostly outdoor, but some indoor too. All we can do is keep telling them like it is and hope to win a few more to our side bit by bit.

  2. I second what Janice said! You articulated that thought very well, as always. And of course your song lyrics are witty, as always :)