The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Maybe It's Moles Gone Wild

For all of you at the Hotel Melanoma who are waiting anxiously for pathology reports or scan results during this holiday season, and maybe have sort of a “duet” going on in your head right now, here’s one to the tune of Norah Jones’ & Willie Nelson’s rendition of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”…

They really can't say – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
I've got to go a-pray – Maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - Been hoping that news drops in
So very ‘nice’ - on hold for scans, they're old as ice
My mother will start to worry - warrior, what's your hurry
My doctor has me pacing the floor - Listen to blood pressure roar
So really they’d better scurry - warrior, please don't worry
Well maybe just one drink more - Put some records on while I pour

This drives me to drink - Maybe it's bad down there
Say, what's one to think - hope labs won’t be bad new scare
I wish I knew how - Your fries are hide scar fright now
To break this spell – I’ll beat those stats, Yervoy works swell
I got to lay low, low, lower - Mind could you move a little slower
At least I'm gonna say that I tried – What was the sense in burning my hide
They really can't say – Black C don't hold out
Maybe it’s moles gone wild

I simply can’t glow – maybe it’s moles gone wild
The answer’s so slow - Ooh maybe it’s moles gone wild
This waiting has been - I'm lucky that new drugs win
So twice the norm -- Took out from skin glow at tan store
Biopsy will be new stitches - Gosh, your slides look so suspicious
My doctor will just stare at the door – days are gone as clinical bore
My barium drink’s delicious - Gosh this ‘skin C’s’ capricious
Well maybe just a half a drink more – Cancer doc’s a wizard of lore

I've got to so know - Oh, maybe, you’ll heed my prayers
Say, docs in white coats – live up to your fees in air
Wait’s really been grand - Your slides are my scarred hide now
Just hear my plea - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be call tomorrow – making my worries hollow
At least there will be Yervoy to try - If you get your CIGNA plan ride
They really can't say – just open that cold stout
Maybe it’s moles gone wild

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