The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Thursday, October 4, 2012

And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors

I recently learned that the cheerleading squad for my local NFL team, the Denver Broncos, has an “official tanning resort” sponsor. Yes, a cheerleading squad that will be clad in pink during this month’s game performances, jiggling their hearts out for breast cancer awareness, also accepts sponsorship money from a purveyor of a known carcinogen.

My initial reaction was that I needed to figure out how to effectively lodge a complaint, although I suspect the incongruity here would be completely lost on these folks. But then I got to thinking. From frustration comes inspiration: The Hotel Melanoma will launch its own sponsorship program, raising awareness for our cause! The possibilities are endless. “Hotel Melanoma is extremely proud to be the Official Cancer Resort of The Denver Broncos Cheerleaders.” “Melanoma, The Official Cancer of Snooki”. “The Dr. Oz Show, brought to you by Hotel Melanoma-- it’s not ‘just skin cancer’ anymore.” Now all I need is money.

And since every sponsor needs a background jingle for its marketing message, here’s the Hotel Melanoma version of Bob Seger’s “Like A Rock”…

Stood there boldly
Sweatin' in the sun
Felt like a million
Felt like number one
The height of summer
I'd never felt that strong
No sun block

I was eighteen
Didn't have a care
Working for peanuts
Not a dime to spare
But I was lean and
Speedo’d everywhere
No sun block

My tans were steady
My fries were quite the sight
My bronze had purpose
Hoped chicks would come in flight
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
No sun block

No sun block, I was wrong as I could be
No sun block, skin thing one day got to me
No sun block, I was something to C
No sun block

And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these doctors and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in no ‘screens

Fifty years now
Where'd they go?
Fifty years
I don't know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where they've gone

And sometimes laid out right
When I'm bathed in the scan light
My skin’s now wearing a ghostly white
And I recall

Buy sun block, tannin’s not so great
Buy sun block, sun-safe came too late
Buy sun block, carryin' C’s weight
Buy sun block

Buy sun block, the sun upon my skin
Buy sun block, charge ahead and win
Buy sun block, I see myself again
Buy sun block


  1. The irony of the hypocrisy of the Denver Broncos cheerleaders is that the Broncos were one of 4 NFL teams that have joined up with Bill Cowher's "Melanoma Exposed" and offered sskin screening last month. I'm sure some of the cheerleaders were in attendance...but doubt they were screened.

    I couldn't find a "Contact Us" link on Melanoma Exposed's website...but perhaps I'll try to contact via their Facebook page this evening. It might be interesting to see if they take any action.

  2. GRRRRRRRR! Reading about this makes my blood boil. I've got your back. Let me know if you need help with your efforts :)

  3. Cheerleaders are on facebook. I have gone there and posted things about Melanoma. Go there and state the facts everyone. Lets get them thinking young girls are watching them.