The "Hotel Melanoma" moniker is a metaphor for living with my particular brand of cancer. Except for those lucky few of us deemed "cured", all we cancer survivors are guests of one of the many, many branded hotels in the "Hotel Carcinoma" chain. We can check out any time we like, but we can never leave. Meanwhile, let's be livin' it up; and please support cancer education, prevention, and treatment research.

Tutu Brothers

Friday, July 8, 2011

Hotel Carcinoma?

My primary care doc tells me my prostate gland is slightly enlarged and we’re checking my PSA level as a part of routine blood work. This “condition” is not uncommon for guys my age-- witness who stars in those ubiquitous Flomax commercials that appear on golf tournament telecasts, but not on shows like MTV’s Jersey Shore. And it’s almost certainly nothing for me to worry about. Nevertheless, my mind races with contingency planning. Would I refuse treatment for prostate cancer, figuring that melanoma will probably get me first anyway? Should I rename my blog, to be more inclusive? Could I come up with funny song lines about treatment-related incontinence? Yikes, sometimes I just can’t believe what a paranoid hypochondriac I’ve become. Oh well, listening to “Blue Sky” by The Allman Brothers Band has always had a soothing effect on me, so I’ve written some new lyrics to chill myself out…

Drivin’ down to WalMart ... buyin’ Depends
It just keeps on flowin' ... it don't worry 'bout where it's going ... no, no

Don't grow Mister Prostate, I'm done walkin' down that road
Early mornin' blood work tells us all we need to know

Wear my sunscreen ... it will save the day
Lord, you know it makes me keen when I block those UV rays ... block those UV Rays ... yeah

Good ol' Friday mornin', veins are showin' everywhere
Goin' to get my blood drawn ... won't be long ‘til I'll be there

Wear my sunscreen ... it will save the day
Lord, you know it makes me keen when I block those UV rays ... block those UV rays ... yeah, yeah

I feel better already!


  1. LOL...bravo! I had a prostate cancer scare about 6 years ago where I went through two biopsies...not the most pleasant experiences in the world. Everything turned out okay...but that, combined with my advancing age has me humming the same song.

  2. Great work as usual Rich. That is one of those songs I have to crank up whenever it comes on. I actually bought Greg Allman a beer one night at a hotel bar in KC. I imagine this heightened sense of our health in normal and not necessarily a bad thing. I have been spending the summer watching my mosquito bites to make sure they don’t turn black. Now that’s paranoia. I am sure your PSA will come back normal. I would be more worried about the bears in the neighbor’s yard. You have any outside pets? Luckily bears are afraid of dogs.