Don't Be A Dope On The Slope

There are three surefire ways to spot a Texan in Colorado ski country. One, he’s the guy trying to order a Corona Light in the local microbrewery. Two, he and his posse are standing smack dab in the middle of a ski run, just below the crest of a hill. And three, he looks like a raccoon at the end of a day on the slopes.

The UV Index on the high altitude slopes of the Rockies is frequently at a high or extreme level. And those intense UV rays are reflecting off that white powdery stuff we so love to ski on. Consequently, you can get your face fried in only a few minutes of unprotected exposure. Even on a cloudy day. So even if you are a Texan and are proud of it, try to at least act like a local and wear your sunscreen. And try one of those microbrews-- you just might find out what beer tastes like.

I’ll end this PSA with a new version of AC/DC’s “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap”…



If you're havin' trouble with your ski school dread/huh, huh, huh, huh
It's givin' you the blues/huh, huh, huh
You wanna graduate and get out ‘n shred/huh, huh, huh, huh
Here's what you gotta do/huh, huh, huh
Slap on your ‘screen, that sun is mean/huh, huh, huh, huh, huh
Wear it every time/huh, huh, huh
Just sing: S-P-F-S-P-F, hey
You’ll dodge skin cancer fine

Thirty ‘screen comes dirt cheap
Thirty ‘screen wear it deep
Thirty ‘screen lets you sleep
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep

You keep droppin’ both your new ski gloves/huh, huh, huh, huh
You lost your cell phone smart/huh, huh, huh
Those double-diamonds ain’t your best friend/huh, huh, huh, huh, huh
That's where the sheer drops start FELLA, well-uh/huh, huh, huh
Slap on the ‘screen, that sun is mean/huh, huh, huh, huh, huh
Don’t take a cancer fall/huh, huh, huh, huh
Enjoy scenes, stay on those flat greens
You'll have yourself a ball, eh

Thirty ‘screen comes dirt cheap
Thirty ‘screen wear it deep
Thirty ‘screen lets you sleep
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep, oohh
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep
Whoa yeah

You do the snowplow and you want it gone/huh, huh, huh, huh
But you ain't got the guts/huh, huh, huh
It keeps naggin' at you night 'n' day/huh, huh, huh, huh
Enough to drive you nuts/huh, huh, huh, huh
Slap on the ‘screen, that sun is mean/huh, huh, huh, huh
It's time you saved a tan/huh, huh, huh, huh
For a fee, doc’s happy to be
Your Black C man, hey

Thirty ‘screen comes dirt cheap
Thirty ‘screen wear it deep
Thirty ‘screen lets you sleep
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep, yeah
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep
Thirty ‘screen and don’t look like creep
Discreet hues
No tan hide
UV-free
C’s not cheap
Ooo, trial time
RX
High co-pays
C’s not cheap, eah

Dirty C, do anything it want to do, C’s not cheap
Dirty C, dirty C, dirty C, C’s not cheap

Yaaagh

Crime & Punishment

Would anyone else like to sentence Dr. Oz to a dose of his own ‘medicine’? Quack. Before committing libel, I’ll sign off with some new lyrics to “Burning Down The House” by the Talking Heads…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8D4AsLzlM0


Watch out
You might get what you’re after!
Fool UV’s
Rays are not a danger?
Not-an-or-din-ary-fry
Burning Dr. Oz!

Hold tight
Wait 'til your party's over
Hold tight
You're in for skin like leather
There-has-got-to-be-a-day
Burning Dr. Oz!

Here's your ticket, pack your bag time for jumping on C’s board
Transportation is here!
Close enough but not too far, maybe you'll know where you are
Hotel M’s your pyre!

All wet
Hey, you might need a raincoat!
Bake brown
C’s stalking in bright tan light
Three-hun-dred-six-ty-five-de-grees
Burning Dr. Oz!

I was thrust into this place, sometimes I pity for myself
Kinda stuck in worst place!
Doctors who I pay to work; say boomer what did you expect?
Gonna learn Black C’s game!

Burning Dr. Oz!

This Oz
Knows not of the oncology
That's right
Try not to hurt somebody
Someone’s-sure-to-knock-you-off-your-feet

Burning Dr. Oz!

More medical facts for retort and you have not been truthful yet
Hotel M sticks together!
I don't know what you expect, blare crap from my TV set
Fighting liars with fire!

We Can Make It Happen

I hope that someday, somehow, melanoma will reach a “N.E.D.” status among the general public-- that is, “no evidence of denial”. No denial that melanoma really is cancer and that it’s quite deadly if not detected in its early stages. No denial of the breakable link between melanoma and excessive UV ray exposure, particularly from tanning beds. And no denial that melanoma is one of the Hotel Carcinoma’s ‘forgotten stepchildren’ when it comes to funding treatment research.

The “someday” part of the dream is largely beyond our control. But the “somehow” most certainly is not. It’s up to all of us who’ve already checked into the Hotel Melanoma to learn a lesson or two from the Pink Nation and speak out. Loudly and repeatedly. Even if we sometimes annoy those who are still in denial. And without apologizing for our advocacy. (Has any pink cancer awareness campaigner ever apologized to you for doing what they do?) Together, we can make it happen.

Once again showing my age, I’ll leave you with a new version of Chicago’s “Dialogue”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWODczdgGDQ


Are you optimistic ‘bout the way tans are slowing?
No, I never ever think of it at all

Don’t you ever worry
When you see who’s getting browned?

No, I try to mind my business, that is, no business at all

When it’s time to function as a reeling cancer being
Will your endorsement from Oz help you get by?

I hope to deny further, a few more years or so
I also hope to keep a steady fry

Will you try to change things
Use the power that you have, the power of a million warrior pleas?

What is this power you speak of and this need for things to change?
I always thought that leather skin was fine

Don’t you feel tan sessions just calling C around?
No, the UV’s here are very good for me

Don’t it make you angry that C’s war is dragging on?
Well, I thought the evidence showed that C’s cured now, I don’t know

Don’t you ever see devastation from the UV’s salons give
All the needless cancer, all the needless pain?

I haven’t been checked lately, my health is just so fine
And my friends they don’t seem worried cause they haven’t caught black’s crime

Thank you for the talk, you know you really eased my mind
I was troubled by the shapes of things to come

Well, if you had my outlook your feelings would be numb
You’d always think that every tan was fine

We can make it happen
We can change the world now
We can save the children
We can make it better
We can make it happen
We can save the children
We can make it happen

Shore Leave

I’m headin’ south of the border for a few days of much-needed warmth and ocean breezes, and I’m certain I’ll witness some fright sights on the beach that will provide inspiration for future blog posts. Adios amigos, and I’ll sign off with a new version of Jimmy Buffett’s “Cheeseburger In Paradise”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJi4bln-hHQ


Try to amend my sun-vivious habits.
Bloggin’ from those 70’s days,
Livin’ great in slow speed, beatin' sun power’s greed,
Wearin' lots of SPF and hidin' from rays.

But at times I crave these wonderful scenes
Some kind of ocean retreat.
Some sunscreenie, thong bikinis, Dos Equis,
With a big warm sun and a huge hunk of beach.

’Screened boomer in paradise.
Heaven on earth without tanning vice.
Not too articulate, not too concise.
I'm just a ‘screened boomer in paradise.

Tired of all those old time cancer meds,
Docs treat the same way again and again;
New stuff instead docs said could make me dead.
Well, it reminds me of the menu at the MDA Inn.

But times have changed for paler these days.
When docs report I get what I need;
No more cisplatin or vinblastin or fat IVs,
Just that optimistic prognosis on which I feed!

’Screened boomer in paradise, medium rare just wouldn’t be nice
Heaven on earth without tanning vice.
I'm just a ‘screened boomer in paradise.

I do fine with SPF all over
Mine’s fifty-something and paid lots of dough for
Abnormal freckles aren’t this old boy’s cheer
Well, good god Almighty sun rays do I fear

For I’m a ‘screened boomer in paradise
Makin' the best of every virtue and vice.
Worth every damn bit of sacrifice
To be a ‘screened boomer in paradise;
To be a ‘screened boomer in paradise.
I'm just a ‘screened boomer in paradise.

I don’t mind I’m whiter than potato
Past 57 and I still don’t fate know
This cancer’s fickle and it’s cost me dear
Well, good god Almighty sun rays do I fear

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around

Just a little rockin’ from Tom Petty & Stevie Nicks…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UD0c58nNCQ


Black C, you came knocking on my front door
Same tan lies you used to use before
I said ya, well
What am I supposed to do
I didn't know what I was getting into

So you've spread a little trouble I’ve found
Now you're keeping some demons ‘round
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my heart around

It's hard to think about what you’ve wanted
It's hard to think about what I’ve lost
This doesn't have to be the Black C’s era
This doesn't have to be anything at all

I know you really want to tell me good-bye
I know you really want to beat all those cures

Black C, you could never look me in the eye
Yeah, you’ll buckle with the weight of new cures
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my heart around

Tan beds running 'round loose in the world
Ain't got nothin' better to do
Than make a meal of some bright eyed kid
You need someone looking after you

I know you really want to tell me goodbye
I know you really want to beat all those cures

Black C, you could never look me in the eye
Yeah, you’ll buckle with the weight of new cures
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my
Stop draggin' my heart around

Stop draggin' my heart around