To the tune of The Rolling Stones’ “Honky Tonk Woman”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Kve_N8rmmQ
I met a cancer doc in green in Denver,
She tried to make my moles into some slides.
She had to treat me right ‘cause I got older
But I just can't seem to get C off my mind.
She’s a onc-y doc woman
Gimme, gimme, gimme the onc-y doc blues.
I had a biopsy in the breast clinic,
I must have looked like some kind of a sight.
The ladies there they stared at me down noses,
She punched some holes and then I knew I’m fine.
She’s a onc-y doc woman
Gimme, gimme, gimme the onc-y doc blues.
(Yeah!) She’s a onc-y doc woman.
Gimme, gimme, gimme the onc-y doc blues.
(Yeah!) She’s a onc-y doc woman.
Gimme, gimme, gimme the onc-y doc blues.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
I guess I must have an evil streak, because I’m getting some chuckles out of watching that famous pink cancer foundation trying to find its way out of the ‘no-win’ public relations minefield it bumbled and stumbled into while trying to do good. And I’m selfishly hoping that just a little bit of any donor and sponsor fallout falls on the Hotel Melanoma.
But what it all confirms for me is that it’s impossible for a really big and cash-rich nonprofit to bat a thousand and always do a great job of giving away buckets of money in ways that achieve its mission and provide the best ‘bang for the buck’. And no matter how good of a job it may do in awarding grants, one camp or another among the organization’s donors is occasionally going to get vocally upset when they find out for the first time exactly who and what their donations are funding (or not).
Not that anyone asked but my advice is that when it comes to supporting your favorite cancer, keep your money close to home and designate how your gift is to be used. We guests of the Hotel Carcinoma need look no further than “our” cancer treatment center (or its supporting nonprofit affiliate) to find a targeted way to lend financial support to fighting “our” cancer and helping “our” fellow cancer warriors in ways that are consistent with our personal values, whatever they may be. So before you make out that next donation check to some large national cancer nonprofit, knowing next to nothing about how your money will be used, please check out what’s on the giving menu at your favorite cancer treatment center. If you want to help fund a particular good cause like providing screening mammograms for women who might not otherwise receive them, you can almost certainly do that and only that in the city where you live.
With just a teensy bit of sympathy for the “you know who” foundation, here’s my version of Bob Dylan’s “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIM03siHuaM
Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-right for cause they stood.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to cure C.
Then they'll stone ya ‘cause you can't always please.
But you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone ya ‘cause they’re walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to cancer beat.
They'll stone ya when you're talkin' on TV.
They'll stone ya when you're ‘splainin’ why you fleed.
But you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
They'll stone ya when you're at the Congress table.
They'll stone ya ‘cause you are rich and able.
They'll stone ya if you're lyin' to raise a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "get f****d."
Tell ya what, you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end.
Then they'll stone you and then they'll give bucks again.
They'll stone you if you're losing all your tact.
They'll stone you if you're playing with the facts.
Yes, but you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone you ‘cause you sit on a throne.
They'll stone you ‘cause you think pink’s your own.
They'll stone you and then say you aren’t brave.
They'll stone you when they are learning where they gave.
But you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
But what it all confirms for me is that it’s impossible for a really big and cash-rich nonprofit to bat a thousand and always do a great job of giving away buckets of money in ways that achieve its mission and provide the best ‘bang for the buck’. And no matter how good of a job it may do in awarding grants, one camp or another among the organization’s donors is occasionally going to get vocally upset when they find out for the first time exactly who and what their donations are funding (or not).
Not that anyone asked but my advice is that when it comes to supporting your favorite cancer, keep your money close to home and designate how your gift is to be used. We guests of the Hotel Carcinoma need look no further than “our” cancer treatment center (or its supporting nonprofit affiliate) to find a targeted way to lend financial support to fighting “our” cancer and helping “our” fellow cancer warriors in ways that are consistent with our personal values, whatever they may be. So before you make out that next donation check to some large national cancer nonprofit, knowing next to nothing about how your money will be used, please check out what’s on the giving menu at your favorite cancer treatment center. If you want to help fund a particular good cause like providing screening mammograms for women who might not otherwise receive them, you can almost certainly do that and only that in the city where you live.
With just a teensy bit of sympathy for the “you know who” foundation, here’s my version of Bob Dylan’s “Rainy Day Women #12 & 35”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIM03siHuaM
Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good,
They'll stone ya just a-right for cause they stood.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to cure C.
Then they'll stone ya ‘cause you can't always please.
But you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone ya ‘cause they’re walkin' 'long the street.
They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to cancer beat.
They'll stone ya when you're talkin' on TV.
They'll stone ya when you're ‘splainin’ why you fleed.
But you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
They'll stone ya when you're at the Congress table.
They'll stone ya ‘cause you are rich and able.
They'll stone ya if you're lyin' to raise a buck.
They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "get f****d."
Tell ya what, you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end.
Then they'll stone you and then they'll give bucks again.
They'll stone you if you're losing all your tact.
They'll stone you if you're playing with the facts.
Yes, but you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone you ‘cause you sit on a throne.
They'll stone you ‘cause you think pink’s your own.
They'll stone you and then say you aren’t brave.
They'll stone you when they are learning where they gave.
But you should not feel so all alone,
Every (c)(3) must get stoned.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Snow Daze
It’s snowin’ and blowin’ here in Colorado, my annual ski trip with the boomer delinquents doesn’t start until tomorrow, and I’m not ready to fire up the snowblower. So I had nothing better to do than butcher a classic from Loggins and Messina, “Your Mama Don’t Dance”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hlMi6PvUDE
This boomer sun tanned
And this Black C done whacked his moles
The doctor will scan
If this boomer don't block ole Sol
When checkup comes around
And it's time to wear the gown
Where do you glow
Will Black C show
Well, the C docs say
That they gotta scan your fate at ten
If your doctor’s not late
And your tumor looks great it's a grin
You know there's more infusin'
You know C’s gonna lose and never win
I'll play it again
And it's all because
This boomer sun tanned
And this Black C done whacked his moles
Insurance don't last
And your money won't pay the toll
When checkup comes around
And it's time to wear the gown
Where do you glow
Will Black C show
You pull into the clinic
And find a place to park
You hop into the scan tube
Where you know it's nice and dark
You're just about to doze off,
Thinkin' it's a breeze
There's a light in your eyes
And then a doc says
"Out of the tube, you there"
"Oh jeez, you're showin’ some C
It’s time for IV’s"
And it's all because
This boomer sun tanned
And this cancer done ‘tacked his moles
My doctor did scans
And this boomer then paid his toll
When checkup comes around
And it's time to wear the gown
Where do you glow
Will Black C show
How could you know
’Bout cancer’s toll
Where do you go
Where pink don’t show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hlMi6PvUDE
This boomer sun tanned
And this Black C done whacked his moles
The doctor will scan
If this boomer don't block ole Sol
When checkup comes around
And it's time to wear the gown
Where do you glow
Will Black C show
Well, the C docs say
That they gotta scan your fate at ten
If your doctor’s not late
And your tumor looks great it's a grin
You know there's more infusin'
You know C’s gonna lose and never win
I'll play it again
And it's all because
This boomer sun tanned
And this Black C done whacked his moles
Insurance don't last
And your money won't pay the toll
When checkup comes around
And it's time to wear the gown
Where do you glow
Will Black C show
You pull into the clinic
And find a place to park
You hop into the scan tube
Where you know it's nice and dark
You're just about to doze off,
Thinkin' it's a breeze
There's a light in your eyes
And then a doc says
"Out of the tube, you there"
"Oh jeez, you're showin’ some C
It’s time for IV’s"
And it's all because
This boomer sun tanned
And this cancer done ‘tacked his moles
My doctor did scans
And this boomer then paid his toll
When checkup comes around
And it's time to wear the gown
Where do you glow
Will Black C show
How could you know
’Bout cancer’s toll
Where do you go
Where pink don’t show
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Groundhog Day
No matter how hard we try, we really can’t fully understand another person’s life experiences until we’ve walked in their shoes. This holds particularly true for the guests of The Hotel Carcinoma. As my friend Rev. Carol Taylor puts it, when it comes to understanding the experience of living with melanoma, or any other cancer, nobody really gets it until they get it.
I’m one lucky boomer, in my eighth year of N.E.D. status after a Stage IIIc diagnosis and some very nasty treatment. My doc is cautiously optimistic I’ll stay that way, so I am too. But he invariably tells me that melanoma can still come roaring back in my lungs, liver, brain if I had one, whatever, so we need to be vigilant and watchful. Consequently, I feel a bit like Bill Murray’s character in the movie Groundhog Day, waking up in this same Hotel and living the same day over and over and over-- but trying to do it all just a bit better each day.
So, folks, if you haven’t walked in the shoes of a "cancer survivor" (a term I don’t much like because it suggests the fight is all past history), whatever you do don’t tell us we’re “cured” so we need to “move on” and “get over it”. Like Murray’s character, we’re stuck in a place and time we can’t seem to leave but we’re doing our very best to seize our personal Groundhog Days and live them fully with all the zest and flair we can muster.
I’ll end today’s homily with a new version of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers’ “You Don’t Know How It Feels”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsH4CrwExCQ
Let me sing to you tonight
I'll take you on the C life ride
There's some place I wish to flee
Black C don't give a damn for me
But let me get to the point, can’t blow this Hotel joint
And shout the message real loud, I'm not alone and I’m proud
You don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels to be me
Cancer comes, cancer goes
Watch those lungs, watch those moles
I wake up in between
Bad memories and life’s dreams
So let's get to the point, can’t blow this Hotel joint
Can’t head on down the road
There's nowhere I get to go
And you don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels to be me
My old tan was born to rock
It's still tryin' to stop my clock
Think of C what you will
I've got my little case to kill
So let's get to the point, can’t blow this Hotel joint
And can’t head on down the road
There's nowhere I get to go
And you don't know how it feels
No, you don't know how it feels to be me
I’m one lucky boomer, in my eighth year of N.E.D. status after a Stage IIIc diagnosis and some very nasty treatment. My doc is cautiously optimistic I’ll stay that way, so I am too. But he invariably tells me that melanoma can still come roaring back in my lungs, liver, brain if I had one, whatever, so we need to be vigilant and watchful. Consequently, I feel a bit like Bill Murray’s character in the movie Groundhog Day, waking up in this same Hotel and living the same day over and over and over-- but trying to do it all just a bit better each day.
So, folks, if you haven’t walked in the shoes of a "cancer survivor" (a term I don’t much like because it suggests the fight is all past history), whatever you do don’t tell us we’re “cured” so we need to “move on” and “get over it”. Like Murray’s character, we’re stuck in a place and time we can’t seem to leave but we’re doing our very best to seize our personal Groundhog Days and live them fully with all the zest and flair we can muster.
I’ll end today’s homily with a new version of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers’ “You Don’t Know How It Feels”…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsH4CrwExCQ
Let me sing to you tonight
I'll take you on the C life ride
There's some place I wish to flee
Black C don't give a damn for me
But let me get to the point, can’t blow this Hotel joint
And shout the message real loud, I'm not alone and I’m proud
You don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels to be me
Cancer comes, cancer goes
Watch those lungs, watch those moles
I wake up in between
Bad memories and life’s dreams
So let's get to the point, can’t blow this Hotel joint
Can’t head on down the road
There's nowhere I get to go
And you don't know how it feels
You don't know how it feels to be me
My old tan was born to rock
It's still tryin' to stop my clock
Think of C what you will
I've got my little case to kill
So let's get to the point, can’t blow this Hotel joint
And can’t head on down the road
There's nowhere I get to go
And you don't know how it feels
No, you don't know how it feels to be me
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Ain't Too Proud To Beg
One of the many things I really hate about melanoma is its effect on my enjoyment of the great outdoors. Thanks to the effects of treatments that eradicated a lot of the melanin cells in my body, my old hide is extremely sun-sensitive and reacts badly to even a few minutes of unprotected sun exposure. So last week when I was lolling around a beach hotel under the triple-redundant cover of sunscreen AND clothing AND umbrella, I found myself observing bronzed hotel guests with an odd mix of envy and concern for their health. Most of the guests were, to put it charitably, on the north end of boomerhood, and their degree of risk for incurring melanoma was probably locked in several decades ago. But a few of the more aggressive tanners were still young enough to reduce their risk of a permanent check in at the Hotel Melanoma—and for those youngsters I offer a new version of a classic from The Temptations…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRQ8EbC011g
I know you wanna tan thee,
But I refuse to let you go
If I have to beg and plead that you’ll listen please,
I don't mind coz' you mean that much to me
Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlin’
Please stay tan-free girl, don't you glow
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't grieve me, girl, don't you glow
Now I heard a cryin' man,
Is half a man with no sense of pride
But if I have to cry to ‘screen you,
I don't mind weepin' if it'll keep you pale outside
Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darlin’
Please don't grieve me girl, don't you glow
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't grieve me girl, don't you glow
If I have to sleep on your doorstep
All night and day just to keep you from tannin’ today
Let your friends laugh, even this I can stand
Because I want to ‘screen you any way I can
Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlin'
Please don't grieve me girl, don't you glow
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't grieve me girl, don't you glow
Now I've gotta blog that speaks from the pit of my heart
And each day it grows more and more
I'm not ashamed to come and plead to you baby
If pleadin' keeps you from walkin' in this door
Ain't too proud to beg, you know it sweet darlin'
Please don't grieve me girl, don't you glow
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't grieve me girl, don't you glow
Baby, baby, baby, baby (sweet darling)
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