Dear Dr. Oz

To the tune of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young’s “Ohio”…



Skin doctors and warriors gunning,
We've finally made truth known.
What bummer, I fear it coming,
More dead from Oz’s show.

Gotta get down to it
Tan beds are gunning kids down
Should have been stopped long ago.
What if you knew cure
And did not spread it around
How can you sun when you know?

La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la.

Gotta get down to it
Tan beds are gunning kids down
Should have been stopped long ago.
What if you knew cure
And did not spread it around
How can you sun when you know?

Skin doctors and warriors gunning,
We've finally made truth known.
What bummer, I fear it coming,
More dead from Oz’s show.

More dead from Oz’s show

More dead from Oz’s show.

If You Don't Start 'Screenin'

Just a little hard rockin’ to the tune of George Thorogood & The Destroyers’ “If You Don’t Start Drinkin’”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCkK0N0x57s


I'm tired of putting up
With your sun bed praise
Tired of looking at you
In your leather looking craze
You better change
I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't stop tannin'
I'm gonna grieve

I ‘screen up in the morning
I'm sun safe for youth
But I get no sympathy
Baby your tan’s uncouth
You better change
Yes, I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start ‘screenin'
I'm gonna grieve

Sun wiser, sun wiser, sunscreen’s right
Spread a little nip baby it's your life
All a fellow wants is company
Come on baby find your pale with me

Yeah, you say tan’s alright baby
Sun won’t wear
But as soon as moles emerge
You’ll get that icy stare
You better change
I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't start ‘screenin'
I'm gonna grieve

Don't give me no lectures
'Bout healthy lights
Scan-xi-et-y
Just ain't my way of life
You better change
Yes, I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't stop tannin'
I'm gonna grieve

Yeah, sun wiser, sun wiser, sunscreen’s right
Spread a little nip baby it's for life
All a fellow wants is company
Come on baby find your pale with me

Yeah, you say tan’s alright baby
Sun won’t wear
But as soon as moles get bulge
You’ll get that icy scare
You better change
I'm begging you please
'cause if you don't stop tannin'
I'm gonna grieve

Well, if you don't start ‘screenin'
I'm gonna grieve
Yes, if you don't stop tannin'
I'm gonna grieve

Disco Demons

Lord help me, but they’re back by request. To the tune of K.C. And The Sunshine Band’s “Get Down Tonight”…



Mates, mates, let's get together.
Hotel fun, me and you.
And do the things, ah, do the things.
That docs like for you.
Do a CT scan, take a toxic drug,
Get pale for life.
Get pale for life.
Do a scalpel lance, take a MRI,
Check moles tonight.
Check moles tonight.
Moley mates, I'll meet you,
Same place, same time.
Where we can all get together.
And ease up our minds.
Do a CT scan, take a toxic drug,
Get pale for life.
Get pale for life.
Do a scalpel lance, fake a MRI,
Check moles tonight.
Check moles tonight.

Do the chemo dance, take some IL-2,
Take down this fright.
Take down this fright.
Wear a little black, raise a little funds,
Put C to flight. (Woo)
Put C to flight. Maties!

Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Black down tonight maties.
Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Black down tonight maties.
Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Black down tonight maties.
Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Black down tonight maties.
Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Black down tonight maties.
Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Black down tonight maties.
Black down, black down, black down, black down,
Get down tonight maties.
Get down, get down, get down, get down,
Get down tonight maties.
Make no home for C tonight maties.

Demographitti

FACT: Women aged 39 and under have a higher probability of developing melanoma than any other cancer except breast cancer.

Nonprofit organizations like the Skin Cancer Foundation have been doing a great job of late in trying to spread the “inconvenient truths” about the alarming increase in the incidence of melanoma among young women, which is largely attributable to tanning bed use among teenagers and twenty-somethings. But I almost never see any mention of melanoma’s impact on a demographic group that’s also near and dear to my heart, boomers, and it’s making me just a little bit paranoid. Is there a message in this silence? I mean, I know my g-g-g-g-generation is a ticking federal deficit time bomb, given the unfunded promises that Social Security and Medicare will be there for us in our golden years, and there are some who wish we’d just go away. So is the message that boomers are expendable soldiers in the war on melanoma, with a patriotic fiscal duty to succumb before reaching age 65?

Yikes. Suck it up, kids, I’m not going down without a fight and I’m not gonna die before I get old! And, meanwhile, I’m not gonna stop nagging you about avoiding the mistakes I’ve made. So there.

I’ll end this rant with a new twist on Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young’s “Teach Your Children”…



You, who are on C’s road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a goodbye.
Teach your children well, their father's hell is where the moles lie,
And feed them all your ‘screen, not one they’d pick, the one your docs buy.
Don't you ever let them fry, if they scold you let it lie,
So just care for them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders blew by,
And so please lend them both your ears, they speak the truth before they can die.
Teach what parents tell, their children's hell is where the moles lie,
And heed them when they scream, the bone they pick, the tales they’ve told twice.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just care for them and sigh and know they love you.

Good Company

Nobody, but nobody, chose to check into the Hotel Melanoma. The halls are ever buzzing with sad news about those approaching the end of their long, tough battles. But there really are a bunch of fine and inspirational folks living and dying here, and good company is the only thing that makes our stays the least bit tolerable. The tragedy is that ignorance and denial are filling up the place.

For all of you molemates, here’s tonight’s ‘Happy Hour’ anthem for the Hotel lounge, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Melanoma”…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwWUOmk7wO0


One ... two ... three ...

Pale me up

UV’s keep on burnin'
Fillin’ this home with you my kin
Singin' songs about our fool tans
I hate melanoma once again and I think it’s a sin ... yes

Well I’ve heard foolish young laugh about her
Well I’ve heard some fools put her down
Well I hope them fools will remember
This Hotel man don't want them around anyhow

Sweet home melanoma
Where our fries are so through
Sweet home melanoma
Lord I've left my home for you

In cancer land they love pink cancer
Woo, hoo, hoo
But we all do what we can do
That Komen fame does not bother me
Does black silence bother you? ... tell our truth

Sweet home melanoma
Where our fries are so through
Sweet home melanoma ... oh, yes
Lord they’re leavin’ home for you ... here they come ... melanoma

Now Hotel M has got some bloggers
And they've been known to pick a fight or two
Lord they get me off so much
They pick me up when I'm feelin' blue ... now how about you

Sweet home melanoma
Where the meds are so few
Sweet home melanoma
Lord I'm makin’ friends at you

Sweet home melanoma
Oh sweet home
Where the fries are so through ... and the treatments few
Sweet home melanoma
Lorrrdy
Lord they’re lining up for you
Yeah, yeah
My ... interferon’s not the answer