Senior Moments

I’ve been playing quite a lot of geezer golf this summer (rather badly, I should add) while succeeding in maintaining a death row inmate standard of paleness. But just the other day upon completion of another ‘soaring’ round I noticed that I was rather sunburned. This puzzled me more than a little. I could have sworn that I’d applied my usual copious dose of sunscreen before hitting the links. But on closer inspection of the bottle of lotion I’d tapped that morning, I discovered that I’d managed to use a zero SPF moisturizing lotion from a container that looked only somewhat like my bottle of sunscreen. Should’ve had the reading glasses on, I guess. Oy. Fortunately, my next toga party with a dermatologist is several weeks away and I’ll have ample time to pale out by then and avoid any stern lectures.

I’ll sign off with another ode to sunscreen, to the tune of “This Magic Moment” from Jay and The Americans…


This tragic moment
So different and so new
Was like any other
Until I missed you
And then it happened
It took me by surprise
I knew that you felt it too
By the look of my fries
Keep the pale hide (keep the pale hide)
Softer than the summer blight (softer than the summer blight)
Everything I wanna have (everything, everything)
Whenever I rolled you right
This magic moment (this magic moment)
When my swings are all online
Won’t last forever
Forever till the end of nine
(this magic moment)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
(this magic moment)
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Keep the pale hide (keep the pale hide)
Softer than the summer blight (softer than the summer blight)
Everything I wanna have (everything, everything)
Whenever I rolled you right
This magic moment (this magic moment)
While my swings are all on line
Won’t last forever (this magic moment)
Forever till the end of nine (magic)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh (magic)
Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh (magic)
Oh-oh-oh-oh (moment)
Oh-oh-oh-oh (magic)
Oh-oh-oh-oh (magic)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (magic)
Oh-oh-oh-oh (moment)
Magic, oh-oh-oh
Magic, oh-oh-oh

Seventh Heaven

Today is the 7th anniversary of my little blog. Its continuing existence is either evidence of an excessive degree of self-absorption or a celebration of long term survivorship. You be the judge. I’d prefer to believe that because I’ve been blessed with good fortune, every so often I feel an obligation to hold my hand up and be counted among the still-living at The Hotel Melanoma.

My golf game still stinks, partly due to various effects of past treatments, but I’ve lived to a time when a recurrence would no longer be an almost certain death sentence. And I can live with my frequent 3-putts and travails on ‘the beach’. I guess my blogging still makes me happy, as I hope it does a few of you too. Maybe today I’m on temporary furlough from the Hotel Melanoma and am living in seventh heaven. And for that, I’m thankful.

So, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Sheryl Crow’s “If It Makes You Happy”…



I've been long, a long way from here
Put on an onc show, strayed from placebos
And tanked till I was earthly again
I went searching through scrips store jungles
Found melanoma’s frightful, medicine’s snafu
And many good men’s horrid bad end

Well, o.k. I made this up
I promise you I'll never give up

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?

You get down, real low down
You stiffen your whole brain, derail your own pain
Well who hasn't been there before?
I come round, around the hard way
Bring you comics in bed, scrape the moles off your head
And serve you fresh post again

Well, o.k. I still get stoned
I'm not the kind of pearl you'd take home

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?

We've been far, far away from here
Put on an onc show, strayed from placebos
And everywhere in between
Well, o.k. we get along
So what if right now everything's wrong?

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?

If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?

Glow Your Own Way

My spouse and I are contemplating a winter getaway, perhaps to a beach in Mexico or a golf course in Arizona, but probably not to Florida where we’re afraid we’d run into way too many other old people. The only thing I know for certain is that I won’t be coming home fried-- and if you too are contemplating a snowbird getaway I hope you won’t either because, trust me on this, you don’t want to be checking into The Hotel Melanoma. Your beach or desert golf ‘glow’ would much better come from your sparkling wit under the influence of a margarita or three than an excessive dose of UV rays. Okay?

Until next time, I’ll sign off with The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way”…


Loving U
Isn't the right thing to do
How can I ever change skin that I peel?

If I could
Baby I'd give you hide pearled
How can I
When you won't take it from me?

You can glow your own way
Glow your own way
You can call it another sunscreen day
You can glow your own way
Glow your own way

Tell me why
Everything turned a-brown
Blacking up
Placqueing up's all you shouldn’t do

If I could
Baby I'd give you hide pearled
Cover up
Paler skin’s waiting for you

You can glow your own way
Glow your own way
You can call it another sunscreen day
You can glow your own way
Glow your own way

The Skin Crowd

Just for grins and the dancing pleasure of my molemates, here’s The Hotel Melanoma rendition of Dobie Gray’s “The ‘In’ Crowd”…



I'm in with the skin crowd, I glow where the skin crowd glows
I'm in with the skin crowd and I grow what the skin crowd grows

Anytime of the year, don't you hear? Bless benign, baking nein
We breeze up and down the street, we get respect from the people we meet
They make way day or night, they know the skin crowd ain’t out of fight

I'm in with the skin crowd, I know every palest stance
When you're in with the skin crowd, it's so easy to find long pants

Any time of the year, don't you hear? If it's bare, we say prayer
We make every minute count, our care is always the biggest bum out
Other guys imitate us, but the original is still the greatest, skin crowd!

Any time of the year, don't you hear? Spendin' cash, blockin’ rash
I'll show you a real ‘good’ time, come on with me, leave your troubles behind
I don't care where you've been, you ain't been nowhere til you've been in
With the skin crowd, with the skin crowd, skin crowd!

I Just Want To Thank You

As a blogger and melavangelist, I’ve been quite the slacker of late, preferring to play a lot of golf (rather poorly I should add) over doing anything worthwhile and productive. But the Saturday before Thanksgiving is sort of a ‘cancerversary’ for me, because that was the day in 2003 when I was released from the hospital after completing my last round of biochemotherapy.

Thirteen years of “no evidence of disease”. I’m lucky and blessed, but so often perplexed and sorrowful that all too many of my molemates haven’t been as fortunate as me.

So today, I just want to thank all of the folks who’ve helped me get so many years and miles down Melaroad—especially the medics who talked me into an aggressive and toxic treatment regimen and all of my molemates, particularly my Tutu Brother Mark, who’ve made the journey bearable and, quite often, a joy.

From Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats…



Spend your years
Spend your time
With all these fears
Not all were mine

I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you sweet maties for getting me through

Can’t hide your fears
I can’t hide mine
In spite of all this drear
I think we’re fine

I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you gritty maties for getting me through

I was looking back there, Lord
Could have been no one else
I would have been so cold
Graying here by myself
Ever since you found me yeah
Never be anybody else
Yeah maties, yeah

I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you
I just want to thank you sweet maties for getting me through