The Flat Earth Association

In response to the Surgeon General’s “Call to Action to Prevent Skin Cancer”, the American Suntanning Association issued a very predictable press release full of denial, which included the following gem: "’I believe the report overstates the risk of sunshine and sunbeds while completely ignoring the benefits of sensible UV exposure,’ says Barton D. Bonn, president of the American Suntanning Association”. Did I think ASA would respond by acknowledging that the industry’s product is a dangerous carcinogen and apologizing for selling it to unsuspecting young people who think they have to be tanned to be attractive? Not for a moment. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I have learned in the course of sixty-one years of life that a lust for money quite often gets in the way of telling the truth.

For my ‘friends’ at the American Suntanning Association, here’s the Hotel Melanoma rendition of R.E.M.’s “Shiny Happy People”…



Slimy crafty people grabbing

Treat me to a shroud, people, people
Throw your sun around, love C, love C
Bake skin into brown, happy, happy
Put kids in the ground where the flowers grow
Gold and silver shine

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Everyone around, sun them, sun them
Put kids in your hands, bake it, ache it
There's more time to lie, crafty,
Tell them from your heart where no sorrow shines
Gold and silver shine

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Whoa, here we go

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people selling tans
Slimy crafty people grabbing

Slimy crafty people selling tans
People, crafty people
People